El Friends Du Nenad

Bitch Mode

2008-09-14T00:34:00.003-04:00

So many things stressing and pissing me off these days. Rather than be a bitch to everyone I know, I'm gonna blog it out.

Job stuff. Being given insufficient resources and nearly impossible goals/deadlines is immensely frustrating. Being told it's up to you to come up with ideas on how to circumvent these issues and if you fail, then it's your ass on the line...not so much frustrating as maddening.
As if that weren't bad enough...things completely out of my control could dictate whether I even HAVE a job in 2 months. And that's it. For 8 weeks, I'll be in the dark. Then, I might still have the job I have now (shitty), I might have no job whatsoever (shittier) and I might have a sweet newish job with higher pay (not even a little bit shitty). I'm hoping for that last one. In case you couldn't tell.

If I have no job, it makes the fact that I'm trying to move back to NYC in 3 weeks a pretty bad idea. And yes, the apartment hunt is a nightmare, mostly since I haven't had a chance to participate much. So I can't blame anyone else for it being fucked...much. Stressful.

Not sleeping. I haven't slept through the night in...I don't know how long. It sucks. I'm tired all the time and I look like helllll. That coupled with the fact I worked my ass off all summer and never got a tan is not helping my appearance.

Driving long distances. Makes my ass hurt. Yet dealing with the airlines makes my head hurt.

Broken phones. 2nd one in 2 months. The first one was my fault...conceded. But I learned my lesson about getting completely drunk with an open purse while playing with dogs and doing karate on cement. But this time I didn't throw or drop the phone...I didn't really slam it down...too hard. Either way, I hate being without phone, I hate how NOT helpful phone companies' tech support is, and I especially hate being able to hear texts come in without being able to see them. Fucking terrible.

Boys. They are stupid. Even the ones I'm not at all interested in find a way to anger me.
Hint to take, please, finally - 20 separate reasons that I can't go out with you = 1 giant reason I won't go out with you: I DO NOT WANT TO.
To someone I have only and will only refer to as Desperate & Delusional - my humoring the freakshow that is your entire life because I am required to as part of my job is NOT an invitation to spread rumors that I would ever hang out with you, let alone that YOU stood ME up. Even if anyone believes your pathetic tall tales, keep my name out of your mouth if you don't want a swift knee to the balls when I finally am no longer in a position where I have to tolerate your unbearable presence. I don't care if you "wanted to know what it felt like to leave a hot girl hanging." Your very existence sickens me and while earlier I felt badly for you due to your extreme pathetic nature, I now want nothing more than to completely avoid you until the end of time. Ew, and gross. And just so you know, everyone knows your "girlfriend" is a hooker. Congrats on the upgrade from inflatable though!
And to my new friend - not even a girl who wanted to get with you would buy the "My marriage is over but I still wear the wedding ring as a fashion statement just because I like it, even though I'm not wearing it right now because I thought you didn't notice it the last time I saw you because I was shadily trying to hide my hand in my pocket" story. It would take a giant moron. I'm not one.

The NBA and MLB. Or my teams. Yeah, the Yankees suck. Not that it's a surprise this season, but it's still a little depressing. And the Nets...I'm still not sure I'm ready to talk about them at length. But the players I liked are pretty much all gone. The players I'll be watching all season are not my favorites. I predict a brutal season, and last place in the division. NO PLAYOFFS TIL BROOKLYN, as they say. But guess what? I'll still watch most of the games. Real fan and all. Unlike some people, just because something doesn't go the way I want (we all have to deal with losing seasons and heartbreaking playoff losses sometimes), I'm not going to come up with some bullshit excuse why I "can't" watch them anymore or some bullshit justification of why they don't "deserve" my fandom and viewership. I won't cast myself as the victim because I don't like the level of effort in certain players and then use that as an excuse to not follow a team just because they're not winning. That's reserved for self-obsessed pussies. If anything was going to drive me away from this team, it would be a Lopez twin, the black hole of suck that is Yi, and Captain Carter. Fandom is for better or worse though. So in addition to looking forward the NBA season in general (and despite the negativity of the post, I really am), I'm still trying to drink the Nets Kool-Aid. Because if I don't, it's gonna be a loooooooong season.

So some optimism to close.
Football is back! Being a fan of the Super Bowl champs is a nice perk.
Live games are awesome, and the past year I've broadened my horizons quite a bit from the local teams. The homes of the Nationals, Orioles, Wizards, Redskins, Capitals, Phillies, and Bills have all proven to be a lot of fun, adverse fans and all. But I do hate being away from NYC. So I guess I'm back to the apartment search now...especially since I can't sleep. Fuck.

GOB is running the Suns?

2008-04-28T10:34:00.003-04:00

How does that Shaq trade look now?

Props to the most lovely Christmas Ape for the Photoshoppage.

Breaking News

2007-12-09T14:03:00.000-05:00

The Nets play the Wizards in D.C. tonight.

Malik Allen has guaranteed a victory for the Jersey Boys.

You heard it here first, kids.

YO!

2007-11-15T14:48:00.001-05:00

Anyone still check this blog?
No?
Bummer.
Any stragglers...might I suggest going ici:
GIGGIN' BACK TO THE COMMUNITY

Vroom, bitch.

2007-09-19T23:37:00.000-04:00

Having spent a significant amount of time in Bergen County, NJ the past 2 months, I have been reminded of a phenomenon that I had darn near forgotten about while living in the city for three years:
The mid-life crisis car.
Now, I grew up with several friends and a father who were into cars, in the sense that they had a fine appreciation for looking at, driving and especially rebuilding classic cars. Call me white trash if you must, but I had one of these in my garage for a few years and I'll be damned if it wasn't the most beautiful thing in the world to me at the time.
So I am not a grease monkey chick by any means, but I know enough to appreciate a hot car. And driving around suburbia the past 2 months, I have seen a LOT of hot cars. Mostly here and there in parking lots, a few driving past me on the ro-ad. And while I haven't gotten more than a passing glimpse here and there at a driver, I am 99.999% certain that each and every one of these vehicles is owned and operated by a male, age 40-55 years. Because men at this age hit their mid-life crisis or whatever, and this manifests itself in silly car purchases, where the car is beautiful, but the men are not. In fact, half of these men barely can squeeze their newish old man gut behind the wheel.
Which leads me to my point:
I recognize a sexy car when I see one. I do a double take, give a low whistle, and say, "That is a sick car."
HOWEVA.
That being said.
What's the point of these cars? Unless you're the type who has always liked going to car shows and rebuilding cars and the like, I don't really get it. Ostensibly it's to attract female attention and yada yada yada, release that mid-life tension in one way or another, yeah? Because it's not like they buy the cars to race them. You don't see a lot of random old dudes suddenly joining the NASCAR circuit. (Or do you? I admittedly know dick about NASCAR.)
So let me break it down this way.
Yes, I am attracted to your car.
No, I will not fuck your car.
No, I will not fuck you either.
Now maybe your money would be better spent on a nice vacation for just you and the wife, you dirty old man.

He's an all-star when he's masturbating, but when it counts, he fades to Bolivia

2007-09-14T13:51:00.000-04:00

Who knew DerMarr Johnson's sex life was such a hot topic?

"I fucked a millionaire, but a bitch still broke."

DerMarr Johnson Mix

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The fact that NFL --> NBA = Groupe Upgrade, the value of playing in Italy, plus much, much more.

In fact...why, looky here: every single player.
Guess you can't make a ho a housewife after all....

Oh, and do enjoy the J.J. Redick entry, from which the title of this post came.

If I get too surly, will you take that in stride?

2007-09-13T01:28:00.000-04:00

I was told to share this picture with the masses.
Yeah, that's right...I'm bringin' Mexi back.
I was gonna just post it right up here, but on second viewing I noticed it was somewhat NSFW.

Am I going to start blogging again soon? I think, yes.
Basically, my life has been disgustingly boring. Job hunt, apartment hunt, live with parents, yada yada. And I assume no one wanted to hear about the boring family vacation ("When told to pay attention to the surroundings because we were driving over the Golden Gate Bridge, I noted it was not unlike driving over the George Washington Bridge...only painted in the lovely 'International Orange' color indicated by a random tour guide.") or how my family has decided I'm a terrible person ("You're a bitch and you're ruining your relationships with all of us. You can be bitchy, but not more bitchy than we are to you. You go too far." That's a paraphrase, but the general gist.) and certainly not my utter futility at procuring long-term employment (...no, I don't even have a parenthetical since I haven't heard from one place I've sent resumes to.) or how much it sucks trying to find apartments in NYC.

As for the sports blogging, there are about a hundred quality Yankees blogs out there, not to mention that team barely made me feel anything positive all season up until Joba's dad was crying in the stands the other night. You can only call Mike Mussina the c-word so many times before you're stuck in a rut.
And the USA Basketball business...you'll have to forgive me if I wasn't having an orgasm like the rest of the NBA junkies over the new "Dream Team." But as a Nets fan who spends the majority of every season and the entire postseason worrying about Kidd's legs being "fresh" and him having to play close to 48 minutes per game and needing to get him some rest and seeing him literally fade down the stretch of those long playoff series because the former haven't happened...it's frustrating. Obviously you can't tell players not to play in the international competition (or if you can, you shouldn't be able to) but it is aggravating to see a player who rest has been such a concern for...not. The rest of the Eastern Conference improved. It's gonna be a long season, and an even longer post-season, if they even get there....

And the Giants. I was going to blog about them a bit, but then they drove me to drink. Again.
So glad football season is back....

Anyway. Yeah. I'll be back, possibly sooner, probably later.

In the meantime, just try not to watch this and fall off your chair laughing at the 1 minute mark:

Come along and ride...

2007-08-16T03:40:00.000-04:00

Just spent the better part of the past 10 days in a mini-van on a family vacation. Well, "vacation" is a relative term. Let's us use the word "voyage" instead, as it feels a whole lot more accurate.

In the coming days I may feel the need to share variations of book reports and/or "How I Spent My Summer Vacation" up in this piece. Maybe even some pretty pictures.

For now, just checking in to say I am alive, well, and rockin' out, yo.
Much like my friend in this here video:

Not sure why, but junior year of college I found that hysterical. Still not sure why, but I still do.

Love's an excuse to get hurt....

2007-08-03T00:15:00.000-04:00

Well. I have moved back in with my parents. For 2 months.
As one handsome young man pointed out to me the other day, I have become THE blogger cliche. Living at home, unemployed, blogging from my parents' basement, not wearing pants...wait...what?
Oh, alright, I'll go put some pants on. You guys won't let me do anything fun.

Anyway. The wireless sucks and I can't get on Deadspin to waste away my evening on DU!AN, so here I am.
Did some catching up over at the FanHaus and found...THIS:
Just kidding. I can't figure out how to embed this video.
So here is a link and I highly recommend you click it if you haven't watched it yet.
I find Miss Gossip to be completely adorable and would totally be her BFF if I ever met her in real life and if she didn't think I was a total freak, because...because sometimes I speak without thinking or think things are funny that no one else does and people think I'm a total freak and...anyway.
Miss Gossip. Awesome.
AND! Similar senses of humor...
Observe:

When I ended a serious relationship a couple years ago, I joked to my best guy friend (and fellow diehard NBA fan) that I was done with serious relationships and only going for short-lived flings/non-serious endeavors by saying, "10-day contracts only." His response, which I used as an away message for months was, and I quote: "Ha! You're gonna bang a bunch of Eddie House and DerMarr Johnsons!" You can only imagine my excitement when House landed on the Nets.

See? BFF!
Actually, what I don't get is...Vince Carter? Really? I mean if you're gonna be attracted to his high-flying abilities from a decade ago that's one thing, but...the 2007 version is hardly what I would call "sexy."
Also, how do you interview the man candidly and not ask him what caused his fear of the metal rim? My curiosity would get the better of me. Of course, I am a bitch. So that's that.

Random side note:
The Sez has informed us that Boki was a huge Danny Tartabull fan growing up.
I knew I loved the Slovenian Slammer for a reason. Well, other reasons besides how adorable he is, anyway.

The last ass-bump we shall ever see between these two. Sad face. :(

El Update

2007-07-24T22:30:00.000-04:00

El Girlfriend du Nenad...

And El Gunz du Nenad.

From a Serbian interview, lovingly translated at the Nets Daily.
Not exactly groundbreaking stuff.
Oh, you like playing with Jason Kidd?
Oh, you started playing basketball because you were tall?
::low whistle::

Are you hoping for a miracle?

2007-07-23T18:43:00.000-04:00

No, it's NOT enough.

In visual form, I currently feel like this:

In 48 hours, this will all be over.
And I intend to be drunk.

In conclusion, HOLY FUCK.

Wish me luck, kids. Heaven knows I need it....

Apologies for failing to bring the funny, but as Mitch Hedberg once said:

"I can't be funny when I'm frightened!"

What they don't know? Is that me and God...are like THIS.

2007-07-20T12:36:00.001-04:00

Just a quick note to say how FUCKING STOKED I am about this.

I might not watch anything else for a full year after I acquire these. Just the 5 discs on constant loop. Which is really a lot, when you are pretty much just sitting around all unemployed and shit....

ok, it may be harder than I thought, but then again, is anything worth doing...ever easy?

2007-07-20T00:53:00.000-04:00

Who was it that said that?

Oh...right
Fuck THAT guy.

Anyway, he raises a good point.

This sucks, and I couldn't even keep my vow to stay away from posting on this thing for longer than 3 days. I'm the worst.

Wanted to share this skit, which I never saw before, but it was pointed out to me by blog-hating, would-kill-me-if-he-knew-I-posted-it-for-y'all-to-see friend...but it's so fantastic, that I say to hell with it and put it up anyway. And normally I HATE this guy.
Ray Romano SportsCenter

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Jayson Williams with 22 rebounds. If by "rebounds" you mean "counts of manslaughter!" Hey-O!

How time can move both fast and slow...amazes me....

2007-07-16T18:31:00.000-04:00

Dear readers, it has just occurred to your heroine that she is absolutely, completely, utterly, 100% Grade A fucked.

That's right, after the debacle that was PMBR, she very well might be on the fast track to failing this thing.

So I am sure I can count on y'all to be understanding if El Friends goes dark for a bit. I'm afraid it would be sorely lacking in NBA analogies and BDSM jokes, and be exclusively limited to me bitching about needing to get drunk, get laid, and stop crying. Let's be honest, no one wants that.

You know the drill for Nets news by now. Quickly, I'm optimistic about Magloire, wish Mikki well in his new Reggie Theus-led endeavors, like what I'm hearing about Nenad's new 10 lbs. of pure muscle, and goofed along with everyone else on the RJ engagement story, as you will see if you go to the last entry in the June 19 entry of the Sez since, yes, Sussman, RJ, AND Derrick Coleman share the same birthday. Happy belated to them all, and apologies for spreading false rumors of pending nuptials.

Alright, now if you'll excuse me, I have to enter full-on panic/suicide-watch mode.

Please do enjoy this complimentary AWESOME video on the way out.
(Many thanks to ultra-fashionable Sean for the vid, who may or may not have also been responsible for unleashing Planet Unicorn on us unsuspecting earthlings.)

Yeah, it makes me smile.

2007-07-13T01:19:00.000-04:00

Yeah, so I just had a whole Nets-centric post all done and ready to go at the other blog...and I go to insert a picture and lose the whole damn thing. Fuck you, Movable Type Publishing Platform, fuck you in your stupid ass with an unsharpened pencil.

Ugh. Whatever. I'll do it over again tomorrow.

Lots going on in Nets-land though. I will say this: I'm drinking the Kool-Aid.

Annnnnyway.
Becky update:
Last class was this morning...I'm on my own now, and to be honest, I am quite frightened. There was something immensely comforting about Mr. Pieper holding my hand this whole way...and it's like he just let go of the bike...or something. Training wheels are off, kids. Time to fly.

Yeah, I have officially lost my mind.
Cue Homer Simpson: "You say that so often that it's lost its meaning."

I was even walking around before listening to whiny indie music feeling like the closing scene of an episode of "Scrubs"...and then I remembered I was far too hot, awesome, and hetero to be doing so.
I successfully recovered my sass and all was well.

I even finished a book today that I literally started reading months ago. Huge accomplishment, actually- pleasure reading is exceedingly difficult in law school for some reason. Or, I'm an idiot. Either, really.
Up next: the work of one Mr. Paul Shirley.
I think my goal in reading this will be to finally convince myself that he is NOT, in fact, the perfect man, and I should shelve my plans of stalking him and convincing him that we belong together. Seriously, I've spent my whole life looking for a tall, handsome, basketball-loving male who loves indie rock and making fun of people and all along I only had to check the end of an NBA bench? WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO???
(In all seriousness, the stalking jokes are just that- JOKES. I have never and will never stalk anyone. I'm far too sane. Notwithstanding triflin' ass boyfriends and the strumpets with whom they cavort. All bets are off then, sweetheart.)

So thassit. D Day, she is near. I'll do the Nets thang manana.

For now, I will leave you with a music video. I'm a little bit behind on this (apparently because I spent too much time listening to rap and R&B and not being white, sor-RY if I like to get down) but she's totally my new girl-crush. Seriously, I love her. And I'm in love with her singing this song.
And, I've never seen this video before, and I loved it, so maybe someone else has not and will too:

Or, if you are looking for some nightmare fuel:

Oh, and random fact remembered today:
Ja Rule really fucking sucks.

Hurts so good?

2007-07-07T23:17:00.000-04:00

OK, I throw jokes about this stuff around carelessly, and occasionally I reach for an innuendo...but now they are just fucking with me:

Beginning tomorrow, the Nets hope to start seeing the type of pain their new S&M connection can inflict on future opponents.

Is my team about to become the BDSM spokesteam?
I sure hope so.

SUPER SEXY UPDATE:
Grimey's Photoshop skillz are far superior to mine, and his illustration is replacing my sad and pathetic attempt with Microsoft Paint.
This is completely awesome and I damn near spit Red Bull all over my laptop when I saw it:

Let's all thank Grimey.

Four more years

2007-07-02T11:17:00.000-04:00

So I reacted to this new VC deal thing in the most white girl way possible...seriously, I totally outnerded myself on this one.
If you want to mock me endlessly, you may do so.

Really though, melancholy and complaint rock are probably uncalled for.
If I could muster the optimism last season, I'm sure I can do so for 4 more seasons (yes, 5 if the team exercises the option). And I understand from a business perspective, you want to at least make the playoffs between now and the move to Brooklyn.
I just find it would be a shame if they overpaid Vince by a few million dollars, and those same few million dollars would have been the difference maker in keeping Mikki.

Every day is exactly the same

2007-06-26T20:26:00.000-04:00

I can't think of any other line from any other song or movie to describe my life any better right now. Not exactly a good song, but...there it is.

I talked about it for months...I put it off...and now, finally, it is done.
No, nothing IMPORTANT. Geez, y'all know me better than THAT by now.
The Definitive Guide to Giggin'.
Not sure how it came out, other than "long."
But now I can get back to studying! Yeah!

By the way, I am currently on a mission. A very important mission. A mission...to eat all the food in my apartment before I move out in a month. I think I can do it. And I won't buy any food until I do it. This is my challenge, and I have chosen to accept it.

Got into a debate over "What was the gayest music video of all time?" today. Only it wasn't a debate because my first choice was this one, and my friend just had nothing to top it:

I was even begging him to come up with a runner-up just for argument's sake, but...that was it.

I welcome any other suggestions?

Feel free to start here, but I am looking for "unintentional gayness."

But please please, let's use this chance, to turn things around....

2007-06-21T16:29:00.001-04:00

Today, I am refocused and rededicated. Also, feeling a lot more sane, thanks for asking.

I may attribute it to my muse:

Yes, that IS an autographed photo of Boki Nachbar hung up right over my bed, how did you know??

If he doesn't inspire me, I don't know who will.

And since studying is the only thing happening on my bed these days, I feel it bodes well.

If anyone wants to be real proud, I think I am about to finish 1 complete day without bursting into tears. Hooray!

(And yes, I purposely used lyrics from a Muse song for the title, since I called Boki my muse...I'm a dork. You knew this.)

Submitted for your approval, and apropos of absolutely fucking nothing at all, are chipmunks shoving peanuts down their throats, set to a ska version of the James Bond theme song. Because why the fuck not?

Gr.

2007-06-20T10:30:00.000-04:00

You know, if fucking Starbucks is going to insist on using their own sissy little language to describe the sizes of their beverages, and then only hire employees, I'm sorry, baristas, that are too fucking stupid to understand what size I want unless I say "small", "medium", or "big"...well I am just going to start going to Dunkin Donuts again. Because they're stupid, but their menu isn't pretentious.

Dur dur d'etre Vin Baker

2007-06-19T23:15:00.000-04:00

Of course, when I saw this news item, I thought this:

That's the normal reaction.

But, um...well, when I saw this news item, for some reason, I thought this:

Because, um...dur dur d'etre Vin Baker.

No, it makes NO sense. I have issues.

And I've waited patiently...and I wait for the sign....

2007-06-18T20:24:00.000-04:00

You know how I know I'M gay?
Wearing my hair in pigtails immediately puts me in a better mood.

Seriously though, I have been in a foul mood lately. I would say 95% of everyone I have interacted with in the past week have pissed me off a great deal. Which is really a significant increase from the normal 85%, when you think about it.

And no, it hasn't helped that I likely blew 1 interview and won't get another that I really want because of sexism.
Sexism? In the sports world? SHOCKING.
Really though, it's immensely frustrating to be potentially perfect for a position and then hear how that doesn't matter at all since you, ya know, have a vagina instead of a penis.
So all you guys out there...enjoy your penises. Apparently they's some useful fuckers.

Also, a cut on my thumb got infected and it's wreaking some serious havoc on my ability to type class notes (I'm hitting 300 pages on those...I'm impressed and disgusted all at once).

However. That SAID.
It can always be worse...much, much, MUCH worse.

Um...ow.

Not to get all meta on you, but Ben started The Gig List this week, and I like the idea very much mucho.

Everyone should know about my affinity for Planet Unicorn (Heyyyyyy!!!) by now. Or at least of its existence. If not, make sure you head here, and here, and waste a few minutes basking in its awesomeness (or awfulness, depending on whether or not you have a soul). Arguably the best part of Planet Unicorn is the theme song. If you agree, watch this:

And now try and tell me you don't love me.
Like me?
Think I'm neat?
Ah, fuck you...I was just gonna end up wishing death on you after you never called for a 2nd date anyway.
(That was a joke, people, I am lovely.)

Anyway, if you don't love the planet FULL of unicorns...maybe this? Is more up your alley?
Just randomly found it while searching for something else and (shamefully) enjoyed it.

If you blame yourself for my secret affinity for this man, then you are rightfully doing so. Try sleeping with THAT on your conscience.

Got the champagne, haa haaa (You know who we are)

2007-06-17T13:36:00.000-04:00

RJ: engaged, apparently not gay.

(Yes, I jumped over that story way too eagerly, but it's only because I thought it could be such a good thing. My heart was in the right place. Swear it.)

Congratulations to Richard and Kesha.

You're too young to be this empty, girl....

2007-06-16T13:59:00.001-04:00

Found a minute during an ALL-DAY class to throw a half-assed post on GOY. (Hee...I just noticed that...get it? Giggin' On Ya = GOY? Like how I only like the non-Jews...no? Not funny? Ummmmmm nevermind then.)

Anyway. Linkage.

And just for fun, a new Boki action shot.

Yum, and yum.

Yippee-ki-yay

2007-06-07T12:37:00.000-04:00

Hello?

Hi, hello?

This thing on?

Apparently this whole "studying for the bar" thing takes up a lot of your time. Who knew? It has severely cut into my blogging and drinking. Not necessarily in that order.

Seriously, I think John Pieper is going to start showing up in my dreams soon. *Those* kinds of dreams too, if I don't get any bootay sometime in the near future.
Sad state of affairs my life is in right now.

Just wanted to drop in and say "heyyyyy". I'm still alive. The Nets didn't kill me, although given a few more games, they very well could have.

So I'm giving y'all a couple videos to have some fun with.

First off, I was at the gym the other day and the Gold's Gym Music Channel or whatever the fuck was on the tv in front of me. Oddly enough, they played a Muse video, which was kind of weird. But that's neither here nor there. Anyway, this is more GGMC fodder:

Did you catch what I caught?
No, not the kid from "The Wire."
That's right, that sweet sweet replica Kenny Anderson jersey. I HAVE ONE OF THOSE! I think that means I have street cred. Who knew?
(Note: I did. I've maintained for years that I'm ghetto fab.)
Also, I'm not entirely certain, but I think that's Stephen Jackson chillin out behind Busta. I could just be hoping though.

Second video speaks for itself.

So. Fucking. Awesome.

And ahhhh...
I've expressed my love for TBJ before. Well today's podcast is a 30 minute doozy. Yes, I said "doozy." And, they even let my silly and insignificant (but FINE) ass have a say. So...NBA Finals predictions there. And much thanks and love to Skeets for giving me the opportunity to participate.

*sigh*

Back to shareholder derivative actions for this girl.

Yuck.

Get your envelopes, time to address the haters.

2007-05-16T23:00:00.000-04:00

After posting this picture over on the incoherent ramblings over at the other site, it dawned on me that there are very important questions that need to be asked.

Is this TJ Speer an arena employee?
Why do most of his photos look like the basketball equivalent of the guy bursting into the bathroom and taking a picture of a surprised girl while she pees?
What is RJ doing with his right hand?
Is The Toine holding funny costume glasses?
Why is The Toine all wet?
Why is The Toine wearing a sparkly wig?
Why didn't TJ Speer explain any of this in the caption? Did he miss it all? Does he have no sense of humor?

Earth shattering mysteries, all of them.

And the Nets say,
I guess I'll die, another day...

I got the brass for your ass, homeboy, thought you KNEW that.

2007-05-14T12:06:00.000-04:00

It has been decidedly very Nets-centric around here as of late.

Does this mean I have become more tolerant of people?
Does this mean people have stopped being stupid and therefore piss me off less?
Does this mean I was studying ever so diligently?
Does this mean I have been shacking up with Boki (thus tiring him out and causing the recent decline in the quality of his play)?

The answers are: No; Hell no; Ha!; and I wish.

I really have no excuse for you. Hopefully you continue to adore me, because I'm like...adorable.

Anyway, here is the latest from the AWESOME NEW SITE!!!!1!!11!!!!!!1@

I really hate the software over there, so it's lacking in pretty pictures and sexy YouTube videos, but it's got lots of hot steamy Becky's poorly constructed prose action for ya. Which is what I know you were after to begin with.

This was my sexy Saturday:

Oh, and there's this:

If anyone wants to TAKE me to Game 4, I promise you will get laid. (Disclaimer: I have slutty friends, you're not guaranteed a Becky.)

Just...ya know...for the record.

Because I come stronger than the IRS whenever you done got delinquent on your taxes

2007-05-12T00:39:00.000-04:00

Holy crap, I am DONE WITH LAW SCHOOL.

Unbelievable.

Now, if only I didn't have to spend the next 2.5 months studying for the bar. Oh, and if only I had a job. Not that moving back home with mom and dad and waiting tables won't be fun, but...it's not really what I had in mind when I started law school. Ah well. Hopefully the "something will fall into my lap" plan will work out the way it always has in the past.

Anyway. Some ramblings on the Nets/Cavs series and where it could head....

Slight neglect.

2007-05-06T11:59:00.000-04:00

No hard-hitting analysis or anything over here, since I am trying to study this morning. (Emphasis on the word "trying.")

But I'm feeling the title of the post. Lyrics from a song by my new favorite band, AND apropos:
Everyone needs something they can tell themselves, to hold on to, cause after all of it's said and done, well you know....

The "Enter" key on my keyboard is all fucked up. That cannot be good.

Our hopes and expectations...

2007-05-04T14:56:00.002-04:00

Black holes and revelations.

You have a sort of sick desperation in your laugh.

2007-05-02T10:51:00.000-04:00

Yeah. What the fuck ever.

The reaction shot.

Is this helping at all? Like is this making sense to post here when I post there? I don't even know. My blog etiquette is decidedly under-developed. Like a long-term anorexic's breasts.

Yum.

2007-05-01T02:23:00.000-04:00

New post ici.

I wonder if 1-800-LAWYERS is hiring...guh.

Baby boy, you'll never find...

2007-04-29T11:58:00.000-04:00

No stuff as good as mine.

Ahem.

2007-04-27T01:51:00.001-04:00

Go check out the NEW post on the NEW site.
I even left you boys a pretty picture to look at.
Baby, c'mon, I KNOW you want to....

As I move into the library for the next couple weeks though, I'll be hanging around here venting my little Becky heart out. Promise, promise. :)

Ladies and gentlemen, we have just lost cabin pressure.

2007-04-26T14:49:00.000-04:00

Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

Or, just breathe.

In my last law school class, EVER. Right now. 1 hour until this nightmare comes to an end.
Um...except for those 4 finals over the next 2 weeks. I guess I have to make it through those as well.
Oh, and the 10 weeks of Bar Review. And the actual Bar Exam. I guess I have to do that too.
But...last class ever! Yeah!

Expectations overrated?

2007-04-26T03:05:00.000-04:00

Do it.

Do you like to hurt? I do! I do! Then hurt me....

2007-04-19T01:36:00.000-04:00

Aw yeah.

Here. We. Fucking. GO.

I drank too much on an empty stomach to get more involved than that right now. Let's just say the Nets' propensity to blow big leads added to the Kei Igawa experience with some extra innings Philadelphia-style baseball thrown in for good measure equals big headache for Becky.

Suffice to say I'm pumped.

Despite the fact I'm an a-hole and planned a trip out of town this weekend w/out realizing I'd be potentially putting myself in a position to miss the beginnings of what will likely be another epic set of series. High hopes I'll still see what I need to see though.

A heads-up:
Any sports-related jazz that goes up around here will additionally go up on a new site that I'm fucking around with.
A collaboration between my long time partner in crime and myself (aptly titled "Giggin' On Ya") will hopefully be added to the Blogs By Fans network shortly, as soon as we get shit figured out. We're testing things out and I threw a couple Nets related posts up. Ben gave the blogging thing a first crack by posting about his affection for the PLAYOFF-BOUND Golden State Warriors.
So if that's your thang, check us out...mmmmm right here.

El Friends shall continue, since I need somewhere to vent about all the awfulness I encounter in people every day (see: trashy strumpets that want to fight me in bars; law school bitches who have yet to learn that snitches get stitches). So no worries. You've earned my love. I'm here to stay. Until you piss me off. Then I'm so gone.

So as we gear up for the playoffs, here is the song/video that still gets me all fucking fired up, yes, even a year later.
(Seriously, is it weird that I occasionally listen to the song on repeat? Yes? Shoot. I was totally kidding anyway.)

By the way...
Learned tonight:
Ryan Madson = still hot.
(What??? He um...pitched good. Yeah.)

But this convenience ain't convenient anymore.

2007-04-08T14:46:00.000-04:00

And thus begins the gradual process of slowly but surely losing my mind.

Anyone around reading this nonsense during last semester's round of miserable finals will recall I don't handle academic pressure particularly well, and yet am completely uncapable of doing things before the last minute in order to prevent said pressure.

HENCETOFORTH. I have a paper due tomorrow that I have yet to begin.

I intended to start it Friday night. You know, right after Nets/Bulls. That game went really well by the way. Actually, I was extremely tired (and perhaps a bit hungover?) and dozed off right as the game started. I drifted awake somewhere in the middle of the first quarter and was about to sit up and keep myself awake. Then I heard "Nets have started off 0 for 9..." and settled in for a spectacular first half nap.

I woke up at halftime just in time to catch the bizarre exclusive interview with Mikki and all his reptiles. It was a surreal thing to watch coming out of disjointed sleep. Searches for the segment on YouTube and the YES Network site have proved futile. I'll keep an eye out though because I'm pretty sure it was hysterical. From what I can recall, Mikki doesn't mess with poisonous snakes, his little alligator almost bit him, and he doesn't talk to any of his pets because they're "not friends...just entertainment." He said he was a Christian and not some crazy "voodoo snake guy" or something along those lines. Um...good to know.

Undeniably awesome:

So...I was supposed to go to the historic game last night. But...well, I'm an asshole. That's the only explanation I have for it. I mean, I have not had a problem going to games and buying tickets right beforehand thus far. I surely did not think a Gil-less Wiz team was about to sell out the arena. But oh boy, I sure was wrong. Which would not be a problem. Because the shuttle back and forth from Port Authority to the Meadowlands is quick and painless. Except, that is only in theory. Because in reality, if you go and are ass-out-of-luck with tickets, it is impossible for you to get back to the city until after the game. The incredibly nice and understanding (read: complete fucktard) bus driver who dropped off a bus load of people at the arena explained that he had to go back to Port Authority with an empty bus. And that no amount of money I had would get him to let us on his bus. I tried to negotiate with him and he just told me he would get in trouble if there was anyone on the bus when he returned to the city. By the end of it, I didn't even care if he wouldn't let me on the bus, I just wanted an explanation of what the fuck such a stupid policy was based upon. Predictably, he could not give me one. Whatever though, my friend pointed out he was just following orders and doing his job. You know, I know of another group of people who were just following orders- THE NAZIS. Just kidding, but seriously. What a stupid policy. I'm sure the stupid bus overlords didn't have the idea of stranding a cute girl like me at the freaking Meadowlands in mind when they dictated their stupid bus policy. Anyway, my friend lucked out w/ a ride for us, so they both win the "Knight in Shining Armour" award for the weekend.

Whatever though. I had a mostly fun 15-hour adventure that happened to start off with the Mr. April show in the Bronx. All credit given to my friend who shared in it with me. Even though he hated the adventure. And hates blogs. And most likely hates me now too.

Moving on.

Where are my goddamn Oreo O's when I need them?

A very big thanks to MCBias (is that how you like to be credited? I don't even know, I feel you have too many handles for me to keep track of, although that is most likely unreasonable on my part?) for pointing me to this post over at the FanHouse. I have found less time at a computer makes it much harder to keep up with the FanHouse posts because there are just so freaking many. Also it has made me a horrible pen pal, but that's neither here nor there. Anyway, my adoration for Alex has just jumped 1,000x due to his successful rockage of a cheesy moustache. At a theme party no less. I've never been to a theme party, but I hear they're a rocking good time. If his looks alone didn't get him there, I think this just easily rocketed him into "favorite NFL QB" territory right there. And yes, that is partially due to the fact that my favorite team is helmed by the youngest Manning brother. Trust me, Eli. I WANT to love you. But here is a helpful hint on Becky: my love must be earned. EARNED, I say. Anyway, everyone knows of my affinity for a fine 'stache (see: 1 Adam Morrison t-shirt, rocked), so well done, Mr. Smith.
The Hulkster approves.

When all is well and well is all for all...

2007-04-04T10:30:00.000-04:00

Some Nenadrific news, as we are, after all, El Friends Du Nenad.
(Never forget your roots, kids. Never.)

Nenad Krstic has graduated from the bike, which he has been doing for nearly a month, to more strenuous activity. "I started on the treadmill today," said the center, who is recovering from a torn ACL in his left knee. "It's a little sore today because it was set uphill -- not much, just seven (degrees). But things are good." Krstic added that he will begin light running "in a few weeks."

Ohhhhhh yeah, the treadmill. I've been meaning to get back on one of those myself.

Also a bunch of stuff about RJ being slow and rusty and mediocre and yada yada...but I informed you guys of that like 2 weeks ago.

On a Becky note...it's already turned into one of those days. And it's not even noon!
Ugh.

p.s.
I meant to mention this on Monday.
You know it's baseball season when Metallica gets you all fired up like it's 1995 all over again.
(Yes, I know when the Black Album came out...I just did not own it until 1995. Deal with it.)

Scene from a Seder

2007-04-02T23:06:00.000-04:00

As the family discusses the tragic persecution of the Jews in the land of Egypt...

Becky: Psst, Steph...

Steph: What?

Becky: Do you know D?

Steph: D?

Becky: DEEEEEEEEZ SOUP NUTZ.

Man that look my dad gave me was menacing.

I fucking hate Passover.

On the bright side, my uncle started blaming my 4-year-old cousin for his increasingly disruptive flatulence. She's gonna wish we had a dog REAL soon.

In honor of the Yanks beating the "hapless" Devil Rays, via Deadspin is a Rays blog, offering up reasons to root for the Rays. I ran into Doc Wilson in the supermarché the other day, and sure enough, he was decked out in his finest Tampa Bay Devil Rays merch.
Maybe he and Jenn Sterger can get a little somethin somethin going on....
Seriously, the way the YES team did the game today, I almost expected to hear someone say "Awwww, Tampa Bay is trying SO HARD! It's so CUTE."
Anyone else really really miss Michael Kay? Oh that's right, the answer to that is invariably "Fuck" and "No."

I've made a lot of mistakes...

2007-03-31T19:25:00.000-04:00

When I used to watch a lot of VH1 Classic for fun (don't ask), occasionally this live performance of "Rock On" would play in leiu of a traditional "music video," namely because most songs before the 80s didn't HAVE videos. I think pieces of said live performance are in the following video, and I always got a kick out of how much the mentally handicapable dude in the front seems to enjoy the show. You don't get the full effect here becuase it's just pieces, and because the quality of the vid is crap. But enjoy the smooth bass and sexy moves.

I didn't write anything the last 2 games, even though I half-heartedly sort of almost promised. But it would appear no one has noticed and no one has cared, so I got that going for me...which is nice.

Yada yada blow out the Pacers, yada yada watch the WINCE Show and blow a lead at the end. Everyone knows my boys are clinging tenuously to the 8th playoff spot. I almost liveblogged last night, but I was afraid of having to title a post "Tom Washington Hates My Mom, Redux." Oh yes, he was there. And I'm in the house of the olds. As it turns out, it didn't matter anyway because of ridiculous coaching decisions (or is that Vince saying "Fuck the coaching decisions"?) and another sad ending for the Jersey Heroes. The beginning of the game was ridiculous, with Mikki running around sans shoe for a full sequence and then Vince seemingly losing a kneecap (only to OBVIOUSLY return looking juuuust fine) and other various forms of mild ridiculousness. Before Vince bruised his fragile little knee, the announcing team was vehemently defending him taking bad shots, like "That wasn't a BAD shot, before you fans jump all over him...." Such is the state. So for those of you scoring at home that goes: Ridiculousness --> Winceage --> Sadnosity

Soooo...what are we in store for tonight? Well, the Sixers. Who have been playing well. It's a crapshoot. With playoff implications. Fantastic combinations.

Anyway. Don't call it a liveblog. (I've been here for years? No? That doesn't work? Ah well.) No, seriously, don't call it a liveblog, it's not gonna be one. I'm going back and forth w/ the Final Four and probably eating and talking about trannies w/ the rest of the fam at various points throughout, but I'm locked into sharing my very important observations with the beautiful people that frequent El Friends. You're all pieces of ass, right? I told the bouncer not to let in any fugs.

So speaking of pieces of ass...guess what I found? Oh yes, this is a photo gallery from the aforementioned baller fashion show. I shall spare you from RuPaul today though. I'm in a fantastic mood, so no need to bestow misery on anyone else.

Before the Nets get started...Roy Hibbert is a beast. That is all.

By the way, I am completely devestated that E. House is out for the rest of the season. See, they have to make the playoffs to let Casa play some more!

After just the first 2 minutes of play, I can see it's going to be "Ill Advised Jumpshot Night." ...Again.

Sweet bald spot on Andre Miller. Were his cornrows just falling right the fuck out? Is that why he went w/ the close cut? Yeesh.

Is it just me, or does "knee-to-knee" sound dirty?

Jason Collins: still useless.
I feel that update could be the sports equivalent of this.

So we have all abandoned the awful "Iggy Hop" nickname for Iguodala, right? It's not just good announcing by the Nets crew?

Here's another one...
Josh Boone: still ugly.

Boone had a sick game vs. Indy the other night. Of course his nice line (plus Boki's good game) overshadowed the shit game Vince put up. Don't think I didn't notice, Vince. I'm watching you. Well not right this second, because you're already sitting, in foul trouble. BUT I AM AWARE OF YOUR ACTIONS.

When Kyle freaking Korver is grabbing rebounds over both Boone and Moore, you know you are in for a fun basketball viewing experience.

Well last night's game was easily more interesting. I'm starting to think I should just give up again and check out the box score in a couple hours. Why is it so important to be a "real" fan anyway?

If I die tomorrow, at least I can say I saw Samuel Dalembert pick his nose before I went. Thanks for that, YES camera crew.

Chuck Norris Mountain Dew commercial- Fuck and yeah.
Although conspicuously absent from YouTube. Thanks for nothing, random internet uploaders.

I have never liked RJ taking long range J's. He continues to take many of them. Is he purposely trying to anger me? Likely not. But I have my suspicions.

By the way, I do love that Kevin Willis is back. He's like 50! My dad's like 50! I'm pretty sure Kevin Willis could beat up my dad though.

Antoine Wright: up and comer!
(Um...what?)

I like that Cliffy is like, "Well if Kevin Willis and his old ass is gonna keep playing, MY old ass is gonna keep playing." (Link via NetsDaily, as always. What would I do w/out them?)

Ah, fuck it. I'm going to Chili's.

*
*
*

Apparently Chili's is incapable of playing different things on different television sets. 4 TVs in the bar area...all on Joakim Noah's heinous face.

So I missed most of the rest of the game. But it's being described as "ugly," and Uncle Cliffy and Antoine Wright were the big time ballers. OK, I'm a terrible fan. It's a gradual process getting back on track.

And by "gradual," I mean the Nets don't play until Wednesday? And then it's versus the Hawks of Atlanta? Can life get better? I submit that it cannot.
(With all respect and credit to this guy.)

OK, on the post-game show, RJ's chillin in the locker room getting interviewed and wearing this like...plush robe? Maybe it's just a towel, I don't know. But I easily picture him wearing things like velvet robes around in his leisure activities. I bet he would drape himself in velvet if it were socially acceptable.

I kinda came home to the Rock on a whim straight from work yesterday, without having packed anything for the weekend...literally no clothes other than the (super cute!) ones I was wearing. So I had to go buy a couple items of clothing for the next few days. Which was nice, because as I have mentioned before, I buy (super cute!) underwear compulsively. Having an excuse this time was a pleasant change of pace. I suppose six pairs of undies for 4 days could be considered excessive. But like what if I need to chill an extra day or 2?

Apparently I'm starting to freak out about not having a job lined up for post-graduation, since I have randomly burst into tears somewhat due to the situation twice in the past week. Rationality tells me it's not a big deal and I have plenty of time. But it upsets me that something has not fallen into my lap thus far. Somebody has to want to pay me to do something, right? Ummm...wait, don't answer that.

You know what UCLA in the Final Four means? Ed O'Bannon stories! I guess if I go to another Nets game before the season ends, I should rock the old school replica Eddie O jersey, huh? Done and done.
Last we heard, Eddie was a car salesman. It sure does seem like an awfully long time ago that he was supposed to save the Nets. What's that? That was over a decade ago? Fuck, I'm old.

No, the "curse less and sound more ladylike because Dad says boys don't like girls who swear like sailors" project has not been going well. Why do you ask?

Oh, and congrats to Larry Frank for becoming the winningest coach in NJ Nets history.
Let's go win some playoff games, eh?

And nothing is up my sleeve....

2007-03-27T19:18:00.000-04:00

I acknowledge the fact that I have been MIA lately. I'm certain no one has missed me terribly, but feel the need to explain myself anyway. My life is full of justifications and excuses, and it's not anything I can help really. Anyway, the Nets have been blessed (or cursed, depending who it is you're asking) with a bunch of consecutive days off. And I didn't watch the last 2 games against the Magic and Bobcats, due to various family and birthday obligations. In fact I have been spending a fair amount of time away from the computer in general over the last week or so and am way behind in all things sports, blogs and otherwise. On one hand I feel really out of it. On the other hand, I feel pretty good actually getting out and doing stuff with real humans. If there were a 3rd hand, I would lament that finals are coming up REALLY soon and I REALLY need to finally crack a book, but there are no mutants at El Friends.

Anyway, Wednesday night's game vs. Indiana is kind of important in terms of "playoff implications" and all that wonderful stuff (if you sense a bit of sarcasm, you are perceptive indeed) so I might try and bring the rock back for that. Maybe not though.

If anyone REALLY needs a Becky fix, you can check out my general musings on the Nets move to Brooklyn over at my new link love, Stop Mike Lupica, over yonder. And yeah...it's really happening. For realz.

Random note: went to my first Knicks game last week...and I have to say, you don't realize how ridiculously inconvenient the NBA fan experience at Continental is until you go try it somewhere else. Yeesh.

As a quick aside, some people I know have been finding this blog lately...it's resulted in some ridicule, some burned bridges, and some props (no, really!). Anyway, I just want to rerun a paragraph from a post back in January:

Man, if my mom ever actually read these things that I write...I shudder to think. I actually sent the url to someone I know for the first time this week because I had mentioned to my best friend in some context that I was blabbing to complete strangers on this thing (all 3 of y'all). I had started writing this thing in the interest of remaining completely anonymous and no one reading it...but if random people happened across it, at the very least no one I actually KNOW. I've put up a fair amount of embarrassing factoids, not to mention some pretty bitchy diatribes directed at other humans. And now that I think about it? How anonymous have I really been? You've got my name, my location, plenty of info re: my family and friends and schools and what not...I guess my point here is just "whoops." Because if anyone I knew were to find and read this, it would take them probably about 2 minutes to figure out it was me. I hope and pray this does not happen, but I realized it is possible. So if it does...well I've got no shame, give a holler and I'll make sure not to talk any shit about you. And Nesticle? If you made it past all the "sports stuff" and are actually reading? Hi, and love ya :)

Uncut and unedited in the interest of full disclosure. No real point though...just wanted to throw that (back) out there.

On a completely unrelated note, I had the pleasure this past weekend of discovering an incredibly talented band, entirely by accident. I went to see my sister play a set and as a result got to see a very rocking good time of a band afterward. I know alternative rock music is not for everyone, but if it is your thing, I have to imagine you will enjoy these guys. I very much did, and they were extremely cool and funny guys too. You can check them out here, or here. Music is a thing that I try not to get snotty about or act knowledgeable about, because I certainly am not an expert, and tastes are entirely subjective and personal. But I'm just gonna come out and say that I, Becky, personally thought that GreyMarket rocked pretty F'ing hard. I'd also like to reaffirm my fondness for this guy again too, since I'm even hearing one of his songs on the radio these days, and I did not think that would happen when I linked to his site way back in November.

Youuu better WORK.

2007-03-20T13:38:00.000-04:00

So...I am kind of torn.
Should I go to the game tonight and sit up in the cheap seats (for free, via salon-purchased ticket package) or stay home and watch on TNT...?

One thing I do know is, via this link over at NetsDaily (as usual...they're all over everything!), I now have that RuPaul song stuck in my head.
Who is Jared M?
Casual Male apparently thinks he is going to be their cash cow....

In March, the company plans to launch Jared M., an upscale, custom-fit clothing boutique, which the company bought last year. Tailoring imported fabrics from Europe into suits that cost up to $6,000 apiece, Jared M. has built its reputation on outfitting professional athletes, many of whom are too tall for the clothes at regular stores. Most of Jared M.'s exclusive clients also spend an average of $45,000 per year on their wardrobes. "Big guys have vanity issues and definitely want to be in the forefront of fashion," says David Levin, CEO of Casual Male.

Anyway, I never realized Antoine Wright was such a good looking dude, but...WORK IT.
If you're curious what these high end fashions might look like, you can check out the media flip book at Jared M's web site.
There's a nice spread of our very own Captain Kidd, as well as some very debonaire shots of Antawn Jamison, Allan Houston (remember him?!) and Kevin Garnett. There are also a bunch of photos of Antoine Walker looking like a big dumb Antoine Walker, but in nice clothing.
Anyway, Jared M- making the handsome men of the NBA more handsome.

You know what?
Since it's stuck in my head, now it will be stuck in yours too:

Speaking of handsome men, my obviously FAVORITE Nets blog (yup, that's NetsDaily again) has acknowledged and compiled the pretty/nasty dunks that my main man Boki has been putting up. (My sister was like, "Who is #7, he's cute?" to my mom and I was like, "Nuh UH, bitch, I called him!")

Who's Next for 'The Slovenian Slammer'?
The posters haven't been printed yet, but the posterees know who they are: Elton Brand, Tim Duncan, Jermaine O'Neal and Samuel Dalembert. Boki Nachbar, the Slovenian Slammer, has taken each one of them to the rim...with authority. Nachbar says he has been getting a lot of text messages and email from his native land asking who will be next...some no doubt from his brother who plays for the Nachbar family's team in the Slovenian League.

Slovenian Slammer. Yeah. I like that.
Anyway, you can't link to single NetsDaily items, so here, here, here and here.
Annnnnd here is the story from The Record where Boki talks about dunking over Yao in practice when he was in Houston. He also talks about that sick dunk over Dalembert from a few weeks ago, which I posted right here on this very site! Hey Bostjan, that means we're like soul mates!

too too too many times....

2007-03-18T22:05:00.000-04:00

I took a much needed break from the NCAA tournament (seriously, I sat on my ass for 3 straight days watching that shit, and I only had a few drinks) to attend Nets/Clippers w/ Ma, Pa, and the littlest sister. A few notes before my main rant...

Apparently tonight was Sly's birthday party. What that meant was an additional THIRTEEN mascots joining the party. 14 if you count Mini Sly. I asked my dad if he thought Mini Sly was a kid or a midget and he said "Definitely a midget." Man I hope he's right. Anyway. It was a little surreal having a) multiple mascots running around acting like morons; and b) mascots from OTHER TEAMS running around acting like morons. I'm not sure why, but seeing the bizarre Orlando Magic dragon (picture the Phanatic with multi-colored extra appendages) pumping up the Nets fans was a little strange. All props to Benny the (no I won't say "da") Bull for having the best dunk in the mascot dunk line...this paragraph has gotten too strange to even make a mascot in trouble w/ the law joke. It was all a little strange to witness. But while the crowd cheered louder for the flying t-shirts than for the Nets (the tragic demise of Maude Flanders has made me very conscious of the locations of the airborne tees) and this is something that makes me pretty sad as a general rule, I do have to say I felt a moderate amount of glee to hear one sound a bit louder than the cheers for the home team: the vociferous boos for the Philadelphia Eagles mascot. Because FUCK the Eagles, that's why. Hee. Anyway, happy birthday Sly. I didn't realize it had been 10 years, but time flies, I guess....

Speaking of mascots, I noticed G-Wiz (the Wizards mascot) wearing a "00" on his jersey, which is pretty standard, although I don't know if it used to be a singular zero before the AGENT of Zero came to town. Not really being up on my mascot trivia, I'm not entirely sure. I guess Gil doesn't mind as long as there is a numeric differentiation between who's got how many zeroes. Or...something...that sentence didn't make sense to me either. I have always wondered about our dear friend Sly though. He wears the #1...but so does Marcus Williams! At what point can Marcus be like, "Ummm...hey Mr. Thorn? Yeah, I was just wondering, um.... The guy in the doofy wolf costume is wearing my jersey number...any way we can fix that?" Does he need to be a starter before that can happen? Before him, Brandon Armstrong wore #1...but that was Brandon Armstrong, so I always just figured no one other than me realized.

And a big shout-out to Superdunk, the former Nets mascot whose existence has been all but erased, other than in my memory. At least according to a cursory Google Images search. Superdunk, we barely knew ye.

Anyway, just a sloppy game all around. It was full of blown defensive assignments, missed layups, boneheaded turnovers and botched dunks. Just an ugly one all around. Vince was, once again, a lot worse than his stat line would indicate. (Now is a good time to mention his new nickname, "Air Pussy," courtesy of the sexiness over at Stop Mike Lupica.) Mikki had 2 fouls too quickly, so he was a non-factor in the first half. Boki was ice cold until the end. Maggette started the game off w/ a jumper and I said to my dad, "Watch...he's gonna do that all night." Sure enough.... Frank had RJ on him all night, and RJ, bless his 100% effort giving heart, is still a full step slow on defense due to his ankle. Poor E. House was visibly frustrated at not being able to get it going at all. (I did watch him all through warm-ups/intros again, and I stand by my previous assertion that he's the most important "glue" guy on the team.) JKidd looked great, actually. His head was in it, and he took it over when he had to (i.e. when Carter disappeared for long stretches at a time) and just made great decisions. It's my least favorite new sportscaster thing to say - "This guy just makes great decisions down the stretch!" - but in JKidd's case, at least for tonight, it was true.
In any event, a win is a win, and right now those is im-po-tent.

Day late update:
Vid of my favorite part-

Oh, and after watching them hang out down in front of my section all game, I feel confident saying that the Team Hype guys have amazing arms. But also that they're probably gay.
(Dear Team Hype guys: You may prove me wrong if you so desire. Lemme know. Love, Becky)

So, the rant...
OK. With all due love, respect and thanks to my father for taking me to games all these years, and especially tonight...
He is guilty of one of the most loathsome fan practices known to man: leaving early.

Now I'm willing to accept the fact that sometimes your team is part of a 30-point blow-out and watching the 12th man get in might be less important than beating traffic. But a 2-point game with 5 minutes left??? Ugh. It's like...why buy tickets to the game if you don't want to actually WATCH THE GAME??? I'm a huge NBA fan, so I hate when people say this, but apparently many people feel very strongly that the only part of an NBA game worth watching is the last 2 minutes. So even if you want to watch the rest, won't the last 2 minutes quite possibly be the best?? Or even if not, I mean...you're a FAN, aren't you? If TRAFFIC is really your #1 concern, do what I do, and wait it out...wait an extra 5-10 minutes after the game ends and let everyone ELSE rush out. I don't know, this may just be a Becky thing, but I hated myself for leaving the game w/ the result still up in the air. It's like...what's the point of going if you don't actually care about watching the drama of the game unfold?
"He who leaves before the bell tolls, fails to see his team's story unfold," or whatever the hell the line is from that commercial w/ Phil Jackson. It's a stupid commercial, no doubt, but it's RIGHT! Like I understand my dad isn't as hardcore a fan as I am, and my mom wants him to be happy because her life is easier that way, and my sister was being a cunt tonight for no apparent reason so she wanted to leave asap, but...I dunno. I don't really have a point, except to say that I abhor the "leave early to beat the traffic" people. Unless you have little kids that need to be put to bed or something, it's just inexcusable. Like, OK Dad, you work late and don't get a chance to follow the team that closely, but tonight you are actually AT THE GAME! Stay and enjoy it! If not, just hand over your Nets shirt because I'm confiscating your fandom until you are ready to use it properly.

Did I just eat that, or did I rub it on my face???

2007-03-15T21:40:00.000-04:00

Never order Chinese/Japanese food when someone else is paying and you are hungry.

After doing delightfully well on my brackets throughout the day, Duke just fucked me as they do every single year and I have now switched over to the Nets/Heat game in disgust. No one needs to give me a hard time for taking them at all (let alone into the 8). I know. I just assume every year that they will stop fucking me. You would think I would have learned when they were the only school to reject me when I applied to colleges. (OK, and UVA...but fuck UVA. Because I said so, that's why.) Anyway. I sat in my pajamas watching basketball from the time I woke up (correlated very carefully with the first tipoff) until they stopped. We're getting shitty weather on my spring break (SPRING BREAK '07 ROCKLAND COUNTY, NEW YORK! WOO!!!) so I have no intentions of leaving my house much...or at all...over the next couple days. I intended to catch up on work for the semester, but...yeahhh...that's not gonna happen. This could be relaxing though! Oh yeah, and fuck the snow...I'm gonna go to the tanning place enough times so that it at least LOOKS like I went somewhere. Screw you, pale gene. Becky shall rise above.

Speaking of the NCAA...the folks over at Texas A&M are a little angry with our boy Antoine Wright. But to be fair...he's right and he's telling the truth. And if an athlete wants to actually say "You know what...education SHOULD be more important for college athletes," then fucking praise be to him. You get the feeling these athletes are happy to have passes and not have to worry about learning anything, but you never wonder if maybe they're pressured NOT to learn? I'm not saying that's what Wright was implying, but it might be the implication. And if so...rock on. If a kid wants to challenge himself, I don't see why he would be discouraged from that. So I genuinely hope I'm reading that wrong.

My mom abandoned me to toggle the Nets game with Grey's Anatomy. I can honestly say that I have never and will never watch a single episode of that show. I saw about 10 minutes once by accident in the student lounge during finals last year. (Yes, I was trying to put on a playoff game...yes, to anyone who read the old post about the ass clown w/ CSI: Miami, I do seem to run into that problem a lot.) It just seemed so awful. Just nothing I would be interested in. Characters you wouldn't want to hang around with or bear to be around in real life. I dunno, it's tough to explain. Let my dad:

Becky: Dad, why don't you watch Grey's w/ Mom?
Dad: It's just so...whiny.

Ah.

As an aside (ha...this whole post is an aside), we were discussing a friend of mine and my dad said, "Some of us just don't see ourselves in the light that other people do," or something like that. And I was like, "Come on, dad...that's true for most people, but you and I are incredibly self aware. We actually ARE as awesome as we believe ourselves to be." He looked at me funny. I don't think people get me.

Before she disappeared, mi madre did have the opportunity to tell me she's noticed Uncle Cliffy is "completely useless" these days.
Becky: Maybe he only plays well when he's high.
Mom: ...Probably.

The Heat just went up by 7 and I'm starting to get the "Angry Becky" demeanor. That's when I drop random F-bombs (not very ladylike, I know, I'm working on breaking that habit) and roll my eyes as if there were someone here to acknowledge my commentary on frustration and annoyance.

Least favorite commercial right now: for "Icon," I think it's called...the video game about rappers? Using their music...as weapons? It's got gross yet oddly unrealistic throbbing innards and eyeball...and a truly horrific rap song...and the maddening prospect of using music...as a WEAPON. You have lost me, Def Jam. I thought I was ghetto fab. I can see now this is not the case. I give up. You have defeated me. I'll go buy a Death Cab album and bask in my Causasianness.

And while I'm bitching about commercials, I mentioned this in one of the comments threads on the Deadspin live blogs earlier today (big ups to Dan Shanoff for holding it down and rocking my socks all day), the new DirecTV commercial with the Entourage douchebags is quite possibly the most irritating thing in the world. As if Turtle and the rest (but Turtle especially) were not annoying enough on the show, now they're shilling for DirecTV? Those commercials annoyed me before and now I have to listen to these d-bags use the word "honies" and turn down floor seats to the Lakers? Jessica Simpson's spot was annoying in dialogue but at least if you mute her, you nod in appreciation instead of rolling your eyes at the screen (looking your way, fat douchebag who plays Turtle). "Entourage" was one of those shows that everybody was watching, so I checked it out and it was mildly enjoyable (in the first season) so I didn't develop an intense hatred for it immediately. It's kind of a one-trick pony though, and the storylines and characters got progressively more stupid and more annoying. I attempted to not watch it anymore, and successfully skipped a couple episodes. But then I got back together w/ Senor Douchebag one of the times, and he and his roommates thought they were "just like them, dude." Or at least wanted to be. SO, their Sunday nights revolved around watching "Entourage," and therefore mine did as well. When it comes back this season though? Not so much, sucka! The fact that Piven apparently now acts/thinks like he is Ari Gold in real life seals that deal. When I'm supposed to believe that a dude w/ bad hair plugs, who waxes his chest and used to make a living fucking John Cusack's fallout pussy is a big shot, I'm tuning the F out. But don't worry, Adrian Grenier. You'll always be Chase Hammond to me.

(This is the part where I shamefully admit to having an unapologetic love for that movie. Seriously. I own the dvd and have probably watched it close to 100x. You may judge me. But first you must acknowledge how hard I rock anyway. Proceed.)

While I'm bitching about commercials and what not...the geniuses (read: jerkoffs) behind the trailer for Pride are going to owe me $10.50 if I actually go see that piece of garbage. Because they know...KNOW that putting "Remember the Name" in it is gonna get me. I'm convinced. And of course it won't be in the movie. The only reason I got so pumped about Gridiron Gang and moved it to the top of my NetFlix queue was because one of the commercials for the dvd that had that song in it came on tv one night. Then it wasn't even in the goddamned movie. Sadnosity. Of course I enjoyed it anyway...I'm such a sucker for a cheesy sports movie, the way most girls are with...I guess "Grey's", ha. My favorite part was laughing at all of The Rock's over the top lines...and then seeing the documentary clips of the real life dude using those exact lines in REAL LIFE. Fantastic. Anyway, I'm going to ignore the obvious jokes about the swimming movie, and...let's just collectively hope I don't spend any money to see it.
(Related note: I'm sincerely fighting the urge to put Roll Bounce or whatever the roller skating version of the same movie was called at the top of my queue...I caught 5 minutes of it on tv the other night and it was hilarious.)

The Nets never want to make things easy on me. I'm convinced in the pregame talks they're like, "Yo...there's definitely a cute fan sitting at home watching us while everyone else watches the NCAA tournament...let's play from behind the whole game and then try and win it right at the end, just to mess with her." OK, probably not. But still.
I do love Eddie House though. Just let E. House go crazy.

Speaking of crazy, when I was stuck at work the other day lamenting my utterly depressing spring break plans (i.e. none), in order to make myself feel better, I online shopped (it's a bit of an addiction that I have). I bought myself a bikini (w/ strawberries on it because I am uncharacteristically a sucker for cute things) out of protest. "Oh, I'm not going anywhere on spring break and probably won't see the beach for MONTHS...but I can still buy a bikini, YEAH. That'll show them." I don't know who the aforementioned "them" are, but...well, now I gots me a new bathingsuit. Rock. I also bought a pair of red heels, because...god knows. I don't need them and I'm not even sure what they would go with, but...they were on sale and I HAD to have them.

(This is the part where I admit I have a problem.)

Antoine Walker is making shots. I detest Antoine Walker. I just typed out a whole rant about everything I despise about the man and his game, but then I thought that I had covered this ground before so I deleted it. It might have been in a comments thread of another blog but...I don't know and I don't really care.

Oh Christ...when the "Hack-a-Shaq" crap starts up and he's actually making the free throws? Time for me to check out. Because bitching about a game as it unfolds on a blog is quite possibly a low point, even for me.

Just to drag y'all down with me a bit, I found the offending commercial from above. :)

I had mentioned the Senior Dance Squad or whatever they're called after I went to the game a couple weeks ago...USA Today had a cute story about them yesterday (via NetsDaily today). There are even some hot pics of sexy geriatrics shaking their groove thangs, if that's your thang.

On a somewhat related (and pretty personal) note, my grandmother recently had surgery for breast cancer...and for some reason, my suggestions for her to "get herself a new pair of big ass tittays" have gone ignored and scorned by every member of my family. I really DON'T think people get me.

To finish up on a lighter note (no, the Nets aren't going to supply THAT luxury tonight)...
My high school English teacher. My one sister also had him a couple years ago and my other sister has him now...he's just fantastic. Brilliant, brilliant man. We used to joke that he had every bit of useless knowledge you could imagine, and that you could randomly ask him the capital of Zimbabwe and he would know it...one day we were clowning and asked him and he did. Not that it's like crazy random information, but that was the joke and he really did know everything. Rhodes scholar, talented with the guitar, able to balance chairs on his chin and stuff like that...and his favorite hobby was visiting the graves of famous people and taking pictures of himself lying on them. I found the article on the page for a Facebook group my sister joined, "I Wish My English Professor Could Teach As Well As Doctor Wilson Did." For realz. At the end of my experience with ohhh...three colleges and a law school, I can say he is still one of the top 5 teachers I ever had. He's so awesome, and that article...wow. Just wow. Rock on, Doc Wilson. Rock the F on. (I'll be damned if I root for the Rays though. That's just weird.)

Strange things are afoot at the Circle K.

2007-03-13T22:57:00.000-04:00

(Note: I started writing this pretty much right after the game and then got interrupted...so the AP probably beat me to most of this.)

I do believe that makes a win streak!

I know, I promised a post last night, but something came up, as "somethings" invariably do.

Anyway, I didn't really have the heart to blog about last night's game, because even though it was a W, it was still "meh," as Becky likes to say in sound effect. (Can I pull off the 3rd person? No, I didn't think so either.) It was one of those games that should have been put away early, but obviously wasn't, and Vince still did all his annoying crap but for whatever reason his line totally hid the fact that he made me smack my forehead a couple times. RJ does look great, I have to say. His "pop" isn't quite there yet, but he's back! I've mentioned this before, but one thing you can always count on is RJ playing his butt off. He doesn't take games off. (Speaking of...fantastic work over at TrueHoop as usual.) And that is why he is my favorite Net. OK, second favorite behind His Bokiness, who continues to astound. Marv and Mark were pointing out how RJ being out gave Boki the chance to build up some confidence and such and now he can be the spark off the bench. Between those two and Mikki, I can honestly say there are at least 3 guys busting their asses on the court every night again. You know what? I'll even throw E. House in there too, even if he is a liiiiittle bit of a liability on D. And we'll overlook the fact that Boki did almost ruin it w/ a stupid foul at the end. Also will ignore the reediculous free throw shooting and skip the whole "I mean...they're free!" commentary. OK so it's not all completely back on track just yet, but at this point what's the difference between 8th in the playoffs and last in the lottery? 17 games left. We'll just have to wait and see how it shakes out.

Such a nice change to get Marv and Mark after the yahoos they got doing the call in Memphis last night. I guess it's not a fair comparison at all, as Albert and Jackson are clearly the gold standard, and would be in national broadcasting as well. But I dunno WHAT was going on last night, they kept talking about how the color guy was drafted a long time ago and really the story was not at all interesting and therefore not worth me looking up how to spell his name. Plus they (and this is a problem w/ a lot of the local teams) did not do their homework and spent a good portion of the broadcast expounding on the "great" and "surprising" story that Mikki Moore has been for the Nets. Ummm...maybe worth one mention to get the yokels back on track, but come on, anyone who pays peripheral attention to the NBA knows about Mikki and his snakes and hard-luck journeyman tales. Also, they enthusiastically credited a basket (or 2) to "CHUCKY WATSON!!!" Ummm...OK. In fact, I know I said I wouldn't rip on them but dude...they also called Moore an "activity guy," which meant you "don't want to have a window open around him." I have no idea WTF that means. OK. That's all. I promise.

For some reason, the Memphis PA controlling dudes are still piping "Laffy Taffy" into the arena. This seems like a cruel form of torture. Someone send help.

Quick note on the OKC crowd. I had seen it before but forgotten all about it...the crowd does that thing that college fans do where they remain standing at the beginning of the game until their team scores. That fucking rocks. The Hornets didn't score for almost 3 minutes! I fully support The OKC's endeavor in getting a team, it's fantastic to see a fan base that actually cares, rather than a hot team with an empty arena like the Heat. (Yeah yeah yeah...and the Nets. Whatever.) It's a shame the Hornets can't stay...why do they want to go back to New Orleans anyway? I can't imagine their fan base is too excited about the Hornets w/ all the bingeing and purging and date raping and all distracting them. Oh, they need the team to help build their economy back up and BLAH BLAH BLAH? Whatever dude, if they didn't want ot lose their NBA team, they shouldn't have built their stupid city in a giant BOWL. Ummm...just kidding? I'm just sayin'. OKC should have a team. And anyone protesting the thought of the Hornets moving seemed to be more along the lines of "Don't do that to the city of New Orleans." Juxtapose that with the Seattle "Don't take our Sonics away from us" and you see what I mean. Maybe.

All this disparaging talk of other cities is probably just because I am exceedingly bitter that I am stuck in NY on my very last spring break ever. Maybe I'm a stupid spoiled whore, but it's the first spring break I haven't done ANYTHING. In high school I went away w/ my family every year and in college I always made it at least as far south as Atlanta. First year of law school I went to South Beach and last year I went to the Whale's Vagina for my first (and only) visit to the great state of California. This year...I just couldn't get anything together. And again, apologies for being a stupid spoiled whore, but it's fucking depressing. I know I got to extend my college experience by 3 years for all intents and purposes, but darn it, it's my last spring break and I'll be a brat if I want to.

Annnnyway. Digression passed. When I go to write about the Nets, I generally look for an angle and go with it. But I haven't really figured out what this team is about yet. I'm kind of hoping Vince will be more motivated now that RJ is back, but we'll see. I have yet to figure out what drives Vince, what it is that makes him either try or not try. It's a freaking mystery and it drives me a little crazy. So to sum up. No angle. No answers. But...2 wins and the 7th seed for right now! Woo!

The real excitement, of course, is the HUGE matchup between the Suns and the Mavs tomorrow night (tonight, I guess, if you wanna get all technical and stuff). I absolutely LOVE both these teams. I believe Dirk and Cuban are 2 of the more compelling characters in the league. And after reading Seven Seconds, I obviously have a big non-sexual crush on the entire Phoenix organization.
So in the spirit of this exciting excitement, here is Dirk and JT (2 gods in once place...catch me). Here is the Suns video page; their marketing department showcases some brilliant work.
And here...is this:

I know it's not new but gosh darn it makes me one happy Becky. Anyone else notice Dirk is wearing a backwards SHAWN BRADLEY jersey too???
I LOVE THIS GAME!

Have a safe Wednesday, kiddies. I'll bring the sexy back real soon.

I see PRIDE. I see POWER. I see a BADASS MOTHA...

2007-03-10T16:20:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry for neglecting all you hardcore Nets fans the past week or so. All...zero of you. But seriously, it has actually been a week filled with studying, plus one night of hardcore drinking, and a game on NBATV that I couldn't watch. I probably won't be able to watch the Spurs game too closely tonight either (if at all). And I have a lot of Nets-related reading to catch up on. HOWEVA. You have my undying pledge to bring you all the hot sweaty Nets-on-Spaniard action going on Monday night in Memphis.
In the meantime, check out how impartial observers view the Nets over at Stop Mike Lupica. The studs over there sum up pretty well why this team is sometimes (oftentimes) painful to watch.

There is so much college basketball on right now that I want to watch, but...I'm exhausted and Cool Runnings is on. Feel the rhythm! Feel the rhyme! Get on up! It's bobsled time! Yeah I caught it JUST when it started too. I'm a loser. But I'm money.

I'm not in the habit of writing reviews of movies, television shows (my expressed disdain for "My Boys" notwithstanding) or music. This is due to the fact that I am not even close to knowledgeable enough to make accurate assessments of the quality of these mediums. I have no technical training in music composition, screenwriting, film production, etc. etc. etc. I leave it to the professionals to write the reviews because even though I know they're a) talking out of their asses most of the time; and b) highly unlikely to know what I personally would or would not like, they are the experts. And really, I figure no one gives a shit what my opinions are and are perfectly willing and able to form their own if they see fit.

Now. That having been said. I just got back from an afternoon trip to the movie theater to see 300. And. Well.... I was absolutely and completely blown out of the water. I kept thinking throughout the whole thing, "I love everything about this movie," then reminding myself there was still so much left that I shouldn't prematurely make those statements (or the shorter inner monologue version of such thoughts). Then it ended and...wow. Just wow. I cannot recommend it highly enough. And I don't think I have to, because everyone I know was equally pumped for this movie to come out. But let me say this- even if you are NOT a fan of senseless violence (note: I am!), this is one of the most visually amazing films I have ever seen. (I thought Sin City was cool as hell in this regard, but didn't find it "breathtaking," per se.) If you have the appreciation for any type of aesthetics, you'll agree w/ me on how unbelievable 300 was. I don't want to gush anymore about it since I'm sure all the reviews say the same type of thing (I try not to read a movie's reviews until after I see them so I don't really know). But it was by far the best movie I have seen in a really long time and just wanted to throw that out there. I 100% loved it. There were 4 legitimate chill scenes (apologies for the Simmons etymology) and an actual strong female character that didn't annoy the hell out of me. This girl found her $10.50 well spent.
One more thing though. During the battle scenes, I found my EYES TEARING because I unintentionally DIDN'T WANT TO BLINK.

Even though the movie rocked me so hard, there were a couple lines worth giggling at, some sweet HoYay to enjoy, and of course some MAN CANDY!
Now, about that....

First of all, what is it about Dominic West? I don't generally go for old guys, but he is a big pile of sex. And he is amazing on "The Wire." Why is it he only seems to get cast as super douchebags these days then??? Seriously, I had that thought watching Hannibal Rising (utter crap, by the way) and then again today...next time Dom, PLEASE take a role where I can like you. Because...I LIKE you. That doesn't necessarily mean "good guy" either. I've been known to love a villain. I like bad boys as much as the next gal. Just don't play anymore douches like these last 2...k?

Now. Rodrigo Santoro is absolutely gorgeous. I'll confess, I am completely obsessed with "Lost." And while we're on the subject, it's pretty awful how all of a sudden we're just supposed to believe Santoro's character and his wife have... been on the island the whole time! We swear! Didn't you see them?!

Anyway, I did not even recognize him as Xerxes AT ALL. The obvious joke is to compare Xerxes with Dhalsim.

However...may I offer a slightly more entertaining comparison?

After my friend pointed it out the first time Xerxes showed up in the movie, well...that pretty much ruined the thin fabric of "take Xerxes seriously as a god and dictator" believability. Oh well.

Anyway. 300. If you don't like this movie, we probably can't be friends.

Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies, for every night of the week I got an alibi.

2007-03-06T14:17:00.000-05:00

I wonder if he's doing it on purpose to see if we are paying attention...

"Oh, yeah. I'm just going to keep shooting and keep being aggressive," Carter said. "I got the shots I wanted -- I think I forced a couple, two or three shots that after I took them I wasn't very happy with them but it happens."

Anyway. Tough road trip starts tonight. It will probably make or break the season for the Nets. Anything can happen and I have no idea what that means.

I have been wanting to write a post on a specific song from a specific album and cannot find the full lyrics, so I might not be able to do it as soon as I had originally wanted to. But it will come, and it will be fantastic. And if you guessed the album is Shaq Diesel, then you are right.

On a consumerist front, I am incredibly excited about my latest purchase.

OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

2007-03-05T20:25:00.000-05:00

Posterized! by my looooove...

Not talking about the game. Yeah, I watched it. Whatever. Really not what you need before you start out a West Coast road trip in Big D.

Thanks to Dime for finding the sweet vid.

Ugh.

2007-03-03T15:59:00.000-05:00

I'll never boo you, but oh my goodness do I hate you.

What was that, 5 straight misses to end the game? I lost count. Dick.

Oh, and shut up, Tim Capstraw. Just shut up.

Game's so tight they call it virgin.

2007-03-01T23:33:00.000-05:00

This started a few weeks ago when my friend joked that I had a "whole team," erroneously. At the time I was merely juggling 2 dudes, and one was on the way out. Within a week though, 2 new ones (or not so much new, but forgotten prospects) popped up randomly through no prompting by me at all. So I IMed her, "You know...there might be something to this whole 'team' analogy of yours." I fleshed it out a bit and then sent it to my best guy friend...and the "Team" was born.

I find the analogy amusing, but will likely not update on the situation anymore. Eventually (probably pretty soon), some guy I am actually interested in will find and read this site and I will feel like an asshole because someone's feelings will be hurt. And really, I like ALL these guys, they are all great and the truth is I realize that "it's not them, it's me." I'm currently trying to "ween them off the Becky" as my friend says, because as bitchy and detached I have been lately is not something any one of them deserves.

Anyway. Without further ado...the Team. Nicknames lovingly created and explained for this post (OK, some of them were previously in existence).

G- The Fallon Fan
So named because he REALLY likes Jimmy Fallon...in fact the night I learned this was the night he lost all of my respect and affection. No joke, it was dead in the water right there. Call me shallow, but Fallon is a dealbreaker.
Most experienced player on the team. He's been around the longest and is a cagey vet. His game has slipped big time, but he has been loyal to the organization, so you don't want to cut him. Occasionally still comes up big, but is mostly there for moral support at this point.
He's Reggie Miller at the end of his career.

G- The Jew
So named because...well, he's Jewish. Not a derogatory name, just an incredulous one. I never date Jewish guys, and likely never will again. He's an anomaly. The exception that proves the rule. Mom and Dad will be sad to hear when he is gone. Oh well.
Captain of the team. Flashy and talented player. He plays the most minutes. Looks absolutely perfect on paper. Unfortunately can be very very streaky. Goes cold for long periods of time. You really want him to be a superstar but he just can't seem to string together consecutive great games. Some of the public criticizes him vehemently. He does have some diehard fans though.
He's Vince Carter.

F- The Busboy
So named because I met him on the bus. Which is not as sketchy as it sounds. We're from towns near one another and waited for a bus home together and then sat near each other on the bus.
Promising young player. Seems to have a skill set that fits well within the offense. Was hurt and missed the majority of the last couple seasons though. No one's really sure if he can contribute consistently or if he'll remain injury prone throughout his career. Definitely has some upside though.
He's Nene, only without the ridiculous contract.

F- Blue Balls
Not what you're thinking. Met him in one of my favorite local establishments watching b-ball and somehow he ended up challenging my dad to a game of raquetball while I was on the phone with my parents. Has blue eyes too. Ummm OK then, let's just call him Blue.
Rookie. Still adjusting to playing in the league. The coaching staff is still unsure as to what will be the best way to use him. Has Tremendous Upside Potential. Also could be a total bust. No one has really seen what he can do yet in limited minutes.
He's Tyrus Thomas.

C- None yet.
That's been the joke: "Currently searching for my starting center."
There are a bunch of "You can't teach size" and "Clog up the paint" jokes in there too, but I'm just gonna leave that one alone.
What you need though is an anchor, someone you can depend on, someone that won't put up gaudy numbers but will quietly step in and take over a game if need be.
Like Yao Ming.
Someday....

I've got the cute new intern pegged as a college player to work out during the pre-draft camps maybe....
He's...I don't know, I don't follow CBB closely enough to make an accurate comparison without screwing it up.

Then there is the player who recently split from his long-term team in a somewhat messy fashion. There was talk of discourse and a possible end to the relationship on and off for awhile...trade demands, trade talk, etc. Finally the team told him they were done with him. He was fine with that. But there is obviously a lot of baggage that comes with a player like that. And you don't know if the player will fit in with your system. Could be worth taking a gamble on. Could be more hassle than he's worth.
He's Allen Iverson this season.

I've also got the equivalent to a Euro prospect. He's far away and I have yet to see him play myself, but the scouts say he's the next coming of Dirk Nowitski.

I have a player who I really covet and make a play for every year around the trade deadline, but because of his situation, he is available but remarkably difficult to obtain. I can never seem to put the right package together to make a trade happen.
He's Kevin Garnett.

Of course, there is the great player that left in free agency, whose contract talks you really wish you had handled differently. Yes, he seems happy on his new team. Yes, that makes me want to throw things at the wall. (Just kidding about that last part. Call me!)
He's Steve Nash.

Sadly, I have a whole slew of Ron Artests in my past- freaking psychos to whom I had to just say, "Go home until I unload you".
(Speaking of, AWESOME. My mom classifies learning disabilities for a living and she swears up and down that Ron-Ron has some pretty serious ones. It's almost kind of sad that no one has realized it and pegged it as the reason he's such a nut.)

Anyway. That about wraps it up. I am clearly the superior and wise coach, trying to make this crazy bunch work out. To be honest, I'm feeling really exhausted and kind of want to quit entirely. It all just feels like too much to deal with at the moment and I want to just chill. If only there were a player who fit into my life in a non-annoying and non-threatening manner.
I guess I'm the hot chick version of Pat Riley.

Hibachi! For realz.

2007-02-28T14:06:00.000-05:00

Actually, I want to do a Gilbert post for real, and should have in the last one, but didn't feel right just tacking it onto a Nets post.

He is the talk of the blogosphere today (OK, EVERY day) because there is a Klosterman article on him coming out.

The article gets the TrueHoop treatment.

Then the Sports Bog reax.

And it is all so brilliantly and comprehensively done.

Not to mention the love he throws to Dan Shanoff.

And the love thrown to him by Miss Gossip (Move him into first, girl, come on!).

But in searching for answers in all of it, I think Dan Steinberg actually finds the answer when he says:

Because, like I said, it's an issue I think about all the time. Is Gilbert Arenas weird, or is he exceedingly normal, which just makes him seem weird based on his surroundings?

The latter, Dan. Abso-freakin-lutely.

Hibachi!

2007-02-28T10:19:00.000-05:00

So much work to do this morning...so much don't wanna do it.

Went to my first Nets game of the season last night, using the aforementioned nail salon bought ticket package. $101 seats for $50 is something I can get behind. It worked out well and wasn't a scam, so that was nice.

As promised to my benefactor (no, not THE Benefactor, but I did watch AND LIKE that show), I wore the shirt bearing the namesake of this site. I did not see El Nenad at the game though, so I'm kind of wondering if I missed a bullet somewhere stating he's rehabbing in Russia or something. (You know, the Rocky IV regiment.) I did see RJ clowning around during a timeout. There are numerous complaints you can make about RJ, but the one thing you can count on is that he cannot wait to get back in the game and play his little heart out.

The PA Announcer at CAA is taking a few too many liberties, I think. The "V! C! 3!" call was kinda cute, but when he's saying things like "From Secaucus!" or "DID YOU SEE!!! V!!! C!!!" it's kinda like...you are reaching, dude. Slow your roll.

I am definitely 100% in love w/ Boki Nachbar though. He's cute AND talented. Annnnd I'm a 13-year-old girl. Moving on.

I was surprised, but not really surprised at how empty the arena was. I can tell on TV that no one is going to games, but it's a whole different feeling live. Granted it's not any different than in years past, but it's sort of unbelievable that not even the Almighty Vince can put butts in the seats.

Very much enjoyed the new Senior Dance Team. Their jersey numbers are their ages!!! It's great. One dude was like 80, it was pretty hot. My companion said he thought it would be really funny if they had them play a little ball. I responded I thought it would be funnier if they made the REAL dance team play. I have to say, the dance team this year is much more attractive than it has been in years past. I would love to be THAT Becky, she of financial analyst and Nets dancer fame. Interesting observation though...they don't change their outfits as much as they used to...they wore the same gold shorts the whole game! Unbelievable. That might be Beyonce's mom's fault though...I think I read somewhere that she's designing their outfits. OK, this is way too much talk of dancing ladies.

As for the actual game...it was fun! They're winning again, woo! It was funny though, watching JKidd take all those 3s in the 3rd...every time he chucked one up, you're going "NoooooooooYESSSSS!" Which is the normal reaction when JKidd launches many shots, as shooting is not his strong point. In fact, when he does that toward the end of a game when they're behind, I call it the "White Flag Offense." Last night though, in the 3rd, it was an absolutely freaking beautiful rendition of what I have dubbed the "Hey Vince, Go Fuck Yourself Offense."

When we missed a couple, [coach] said, 'Hey, let's get to the basket,'" said Carter, who had only seven of his 27 after halftime. "So I said 'Guys I'll get to the basket, you guys spot up.'

To which Kidd and Co. responded "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Anyway, good win, even if it was against a very hobbled Wiz team. Yeah, I heard "Andre Blatche" and "Roger Mason, Jr." over the PA multiple times so that kind of explains that. But a W's a W. And I got a nice up close and personal gander at Agent 0 since I was sitting right by the entrance that leads to the visiting team's locker room. Unfortunately it was not up close and personal, "wink wink," as a) I've never been able to ask anyone for an autograph, and b) I haven't figured out how to be a groupie yet. Someone's really gotta teach me how to do that.

I've been reading Seven Seconds or Less and all the fun stuff it says about Eddie House in there (they call him "Casa"...hee) shows on the court...he's just a guy that it seems like everyone likes being around and who has a lot of fun out there. That's what I want from my sports teams man...guys who are having fun. I love having Eddie House on my team. Although I did not see him do the worm...sadly disappointing.

So those are my quick thoughts before getting down to the work business. As an aside, I think I might attempt to quit drinking for awhile. It's expensive ($7 arena beers, holler!) and is contributing to my inability to get back to my playing weight, so after Happy Hour today and Fri, I'm going to try and go cold turkey. At least until my birthday. That'll be like 3 weeks...can I do it? We shall see. Maybe it'll even help me sort out the mess that is my current romantic situation(s). There's a love life as basketball analogy I've been having some fun with...if I get a few free min later on today, I might throw it on here for the sake of posterity.

...And I don't think I have the time, to listen to your voice

2007-02-24T15:31:00.000-05:00

So my dreams for a Spaniard were unsurprisingly left unfulfilled.

Consider me glad I did not get wrapped up in all the trade talk. I could have predicted the whole thing would have been one giant cocktease.
For the record though, I would have GLADLY done Vince for Darko and JJ. I know I'm among the minority on this one, but I LIKE Redick. He plays hard and would be a nice 3-point shooting piece of the puzzle on this Nets team. With a pg like Kidd (not to mention Marcus) and guys like Nenad and RJ who command opponents' attention on defense, JJ could and would get the wide-open shots he loves to drain so much. Even if he does roll like R. Kelz.

Anyway, as of today, Vince is saying he wants to stay w/ the Nets long-term, and obviously JKidd, cracked rib and all, has maintained his diplomatic stance of being very happy to stay a Net as well. However, I would not be surprised to see them both moved during the off-season. Obviously Carter can just walk, but he seems to at least be in the frame of mind that would open the door for a sign-and-trade, which would be the best situation. In any event, as maddeningly mediocre the Nets have been of late, they kicked ass in convincing fashion last night and are still very much in the playoff hunt. Now the question would be are they better off going in as a low seed and trying to compete against the top teams, or are they better off tanking and hoping for a high draft pick in an abnormally stacked (due to the new minimum age) draft. My friends seem to like the latter. Me, the eternal optimist (ha)...I'm for the former! The Nets can compete with any of the teams in the East on a good night...to me, it just seems they don't have enough consistent "good" nights. But RJ will be back, and the young guys on the bench have gotten better, and the East seems kind of wide open...other than the Pistons and maybe the Bulls, there don't seem to be any "sure things." Washington, Toronto, Cleveland, Orlando, the Knicks...all big question marks. And Miami sans D-Wade? Not so scary. And maybe Mile will gain some mad skillz in the D-League and come back and contribute and...OK, I am getting carried away. But they could make a run. Let's leave it at that.

And so what if ESPN doesn't want to air the Nets anymore? Nobody likes you anyway, ESPN. So there. Except my one girl friend who in a game of "Would You or Wouldn't You?" said she "WOULD," "DEFINITELY would" w/ Stu Scott. Ew. Althought in all fairness it was a long game and I think she said "wouldn't" like once. Harlot.

I've been disappointed with the movies I've caught in the theaters recently. Reno 911 however, did NOT disappoint. Two thumbs up. They threw every single cast member of my very most favoritest show "The State" in there. AND it reminded me how much I love Nick Swardson.

Speaking of which, jury is still out on whether or not this is funny, but I know I enjoyed it immensely anyway....
As pointed out to me by my butter- and blog-hating friend:

but kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation....

2007-02-18T22:45:00.000-05:00

Despite a nearly lethal amount of alcohol consumption in our nation's capital, I have been/am enjoying the All-Star festivities immensely, not to mention the in-depth coverage from the blogosphere and national media alike.

All the excitement has allowed this to slip through the cracks though (go to the 5:20 mark):

Ummmm...so the chick who was rumored to break up VC's marriage (I can't figure out how to hyperlink on a mac...so I'm straight up pasting a link to the Big Lead -- http://thebiglead.com/?p=1553) is the same chick who's walking around with an apparently deeply scarred heart caused by JKidd back in high school?

And now we've got a messy Kidd divorce and trade rumors swirling around BOTH All-Stars?

Gabby, you siren...go fuck up the Knicks instead, dammit.

Speaking of, my favorite line from the quickest and most comprehensive recaps of the ASG:

"On a side note, earlier in the day, one of our guys hit up the famous $25 buffet at the Rio hotel. Jerome James was there, taking pictures with females in between crushing the buffet …"

That was from one of my favorite sites, the indispensable Dime Mag.
Here is the link, and by link, I mean url:
http://dimemag.com/2007/02/18/sunday-best/#more-66

It's just a twist of the cap from the 40 in my lap wanna scrap we can scrap gonna blast I'm strapped tell me

2007-02-16T13:57:00.000-05:00

Yes yes yes yes YES, it's finally here!!!
I've been checking The Smoking Gun every day, and right before the All-Star Game, yeah!
OK so this is kind of juvenile and voyeuristic, but I've made no apologies before and I'm not making them now. I realize it's not right to glorify any violence toward women in any way, but when it happens with famous people, it always feels more like a soap opera than a case for a city agency or whatever. So in the interest of entertainment, let's just all assume these accusations are all false. We'll do the same for the ones Jason made in his filing as well. Everybody's entertained! Nobody's hurt! Woohoo!
(OK, I am a little sorry...but anything beats having to talk about the Nets in a basketball sense right now. Those last 2 games were brutal.)

A friend of mine recently started working for the NBA and is currently in Vegas for the festivities. Needless to say, I am hopelessly and desperately jealous. The following is an excerpt from an email I sent her on Monday night from one of my more awful classes. Had I not been in class and took some time to think about it, I'm sure I could have come up with a better and more comprehensive list. Since I'm swamped at work today, you're just getting the recreation of what I DID send.

I am so FREAKING jealous you get to go to vegas. in fact, if the ASG were in freaking denver I would STILL be this jeal. if you see Mark Cuban, tell him that I will gladly give up my Ivy League and legal educations for the opportunity to bring him coffee every day for a small wage. If you see Sir Charles, write down everything he says, since it is sure to be pure gold. if you see Gilbert, tell him I'm a borderline genius so it might be advantageous for him to let me bear his children. If you see Vince, slap him across the face and say "GET IT TOGETHER, MAN," or just "OWN IT." If you see JKidd, tell him "Bitches is crazy," in a sympathetic manner. If you see Dirk, just freaking bow down because HE is the freaking king as far as I'm concerned. In fact he might be my favorite player ever. (Or, in the alt, blow him a kiss and say "Gong show." He'll know what you mean.) If you see Damon Jones...run. If you see LBJ...see: Vince Carter. If you see Mike D'Antoni or Stevie Nash, just shake their hands and express many feelings of extreme admiration. If you see Jason Kapono, ask him how he keeps his hair looking so perfect at ALL times. If you see Dwight Howard, just be impressed by him...he is truly the epitome of "Man-Child" or "Man-Beast." Or just "MEASTY" as the kids are saying these days. Also, he's supposed to be the nicest guy ever. If you see Kobe...well, don't invite him to your hotel room. If you see Marion, tell him you think he's better than Amare...but only if Amare is not around. They both have sensitive egos. If you see Tony Parker, tell him you REALLY love "The Crepes Are In the Oven." If you see Adam Morrison, just tell him it's the greatest 'stache in the world and hundreds would weep if he were to get rid of it. If you see Marcus Williams, DON'T make a laptop joke. If you see David Lee and think he's as hot as I do, offer him your services. Let me live vicariously through you.
I think that is all for now.

My goodness gracious do I want to go to an All-Star Game. One day...one day.

HAPPY ALL STAR WEEKEND!!!!!

Jackie O had Johnny F...but I just wanna smoke your last cigarette...

2007-02-12T14:33:00.000-05:00

Alt title:
"Na I don’t do this; you already knew this; ma we been through this."

Yes, romance is in the air.

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

The second I declare my want/need to just be alone and have "me time," the freaking flood gates open and the boys decide they can't get enough of Becky. I'm not saying I blame them. I do rock in a particularly hard fashion. But I was unaware that "I'm not looking for anything serious" caused the Stage 4 clingers to come out in such full force.

Anyway, consider this my private plea (god forbid I bring it up and actually have to discuss it...avoidance: it works!) to skip the whole V-Day thing this year. I HATE V-Day, and not as a bitter single girl who has spent too many of them alone and eating her weight in chocolates. Au contraire, this gal has seemed to ALWAYS have a boyfriend on V-Day, and an overly sensitive wannabe romantic one at that. (For those of you scoring at home...that was like 4 different dudes over the years.) So I enjoy the prospect of being single and not having to deal w/ all the bullshit that comes with the "holiday." It's a Hallmark creation. Like Christmas. But with crappy candy instead of delicious cookies. Oh yeah, and without that Jesus stuff. Whatever.
So here's hoping my current situations are all still "pseudo" enough in nature that nobody expects me to buy them a card. Because let's be real, I always buy the suggestive cards that you can't display on the mantle anyway. Might as well skip the holiday and send some provocative pics instead, yes?

Of course, I may be sort of cynical. If romance is on your mind, but you haven't come up with the perfect plan for your special night yet, I would like to make a suggestion. Mmmmm, keepsake items.

Along the lines of romance, I have never said how much I really really REALLY love the Romance on the Hardwood series. J.E. Skeets is an evil genius. This here bit o' goodness is one of my faves, but it might just be because it appeals to my fandom. And gives me a nice segway to say this: Trade rumors can be fun, but when the Post says on Sunday, "FIRE SALE!!! EVERYONE MUST GO!!!" and then the Daily News says on Monday, "NO ONE IS GOING ANYWHERE," I just give up. Wake me up when something actually happens. I'm not even linking. So there. Ugh. OK, fine. Here, and here. Note my bitterness though.

After watching the last few games though, I would like to go on record as saying I was wrong about something in an earlier post. The Nets CAN win with the Boki & Marcus show. Abso-freakin-lutely. Depending on the learning curve for both of them though is what will determine whether they can actually beat any quality teams, or win consistently enough to make the playoffs. It's really a crapshoot. I'll have some more well thought out observations after the next couple games, and during the All Star break. Or not. I'm guessing if anyone reads this, it's not for my in-depth analysis, but for my charm and wit, and you don't give a gosh darn one way or the other.

Oh, and I meant to link to this Vince Carter statue story when it first happened and I just forgot. VC is a good guy and probably should get way more credit than he does for being one of the guys that actually gives back to the community. But it's difficult because it's too easy to get caught up in the way he acts like a little bitch on the court half the time. I personally think he comes off looking like a great guy with this though.

"Rookie of the Year, the contracts -- they mean nothing," Carter continued. "To see all these people here in the rain, enjoying me up here acting like a little baby, that makes it worth it."

We'll see about that soon though, eh?

That's only in the mo'nin.

2007-02-07T14:33:00.000-05:00

John Hollinger writes for the Sun? That's strange. In any event, he suggests more Boki Time, and I am obviously on board. He points out the undoubted drop-off on defense when Uncle Cliffy is on the floor, which I'd have to agree with. In fact I think the way I put it to my mom via telephone at the end of the OT loss the other night was, "Why the FUCK would you EVER have Robinson guarding a shot at the end of the game???" There were of course a lot of "Vince dribbling into coverage, chucking up a 'shot' and hoping for a foul" to complain about, and that we did. We're Jewish women. Complaining is our heritage. So yes. More Boki Time, please. His Sportsline player profile pic notwithstanding...eeeek.

Blah blah blah blah sealed record blah blah blah.

If they lose to the Hawks again tonight, I might have to consider a Cavalier-style boycott. They're not even trying to make any trades anymore? Really? This season needs a quick pick-me-up, and unfortunately nostalgia is not the answer. In fact, it's just making my heart sad.

And now to point out the return of RJ at a timetable of around "6 weeks" is considered optimistic. And to point out the Nets shoot free throws BADLY. Ohhhh you think so, Doctor?

This has not been a fun post.

I know, I'll make it one!
Very (VERY) cute new intern pointed me to this vid, which actually made me choke on a sip of Poland Spring.
It has nothing to do with anything at all. But it lets me say things like, "Like a alarm clock...WOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!"

Life looks good, good, good, cuz Billy's got his beer goggles on.

2007-02-03T15:11:00.000-05:00

The first 30 seconds or so of this video are maybe the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen...ever.

Just to make this sort of sports-related, here's a cute little story from my local paper about a Westchester kid who always dreamed of being a pro wrestler and is living his dream....
And there's not really too much in there, except the part where you read this part:

He attended pro wrestling school while he was still a college student, then moved to Louisville for two years to attend developmental school after graduating in 2002.

and you ask yourself, "Why didn't I attend pro wrestling school???" Seriously...I could kick some ass.
For whatever reason, the most interesting part of the article in the actual paper was not included in the online version. It reads kind of like this:
"Johnny doesn't do steroids. He just eats a lot."
Then there's a little daily planner. Which looks like this:
7 a.m. - wake up, immediately eat oatmeal, peanut butter, protein powder
10 a.m. - green tea
11 a.m. - gym, glutamine, branch-chain amino acids
1 p.m. - 2 scoops of protein powder + banana + berries + peanut butter + skim milk = super large and delicious protein shake; many vitamin pills
3:30 p.m. - 10 egg whites + 2 whole eggs + vegetables and some fat-free cheese
6 p.m. - meat with vegetables, brown rice, and half a potato
9 p.m. - leftovers
11:30 p.m. - fat-free cottage cheese w/ fruit
12 a.m. - sleep

No wonder athletes use performance enhancing drugs...who the hell has time for a food schedule like that???

In case none of that was interesting to you...perhaps my accompanying photo will be.

I apologize in advance for any nightmares that causes.

Just to give myself some nice dreams, here is my new favorite NFL journalist. Cam writes for the Contra Costa Times and is the perfect man. I wish Super Bowl Week could go on forever so he could be on ESPN every day. Unfortunately I can't find any pictures of him that do his immeasurable handsomeness any justice.

So we're going with this:

Oh my GOD, do I want me some Alex Smith.

Happy Super Bowl Sunday, everyone. Be safe tomorrow.

A little bit is better than nada...Sometimes you want the whole enchilada...

2007-02-01T20:30:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to take a quick break from watching bad basketball, being horrifically hungover and wishing for a certain someone to contract the hiv in Miami this weekend. (I kid. The hiv, no. Herpes simplex B, most definitely.)

It's kind of wack that Vince got a spot on the All-Star team. It just hasn't looked like he's been trying all that hard. Even when everyone was healthy, the team was underachieving in the worst way and everyone knows my feelings on who should be taking it upon themselves to step their game up. He's still one of the most talented players in the league, but...until I see more of the "Fuck it, I'm taking this one over" face and much much less of the "Wince" face, I don't think he deserves it. He could. But he does not. No more so than Michael Redd anyway. Joe Johnson anyone? Yeesh. And the Melo snub is going to be covered by every writer/blogger/asshat on the street. Suffice it to say, someone goofed.
Congrats to JKidd though, who really does deserve it this season (or for 2/3 of this season). He just brought it to another level all of a sudden and has that All-Star look about him.
No, we are not mentioning last night's game. I've vented. I've moved on. I'm over it. You should be too.

The hell is up with this Jeremy Piven/Dwyane Wade commercial...?
And the "Second Coming" commercial? I said it when it first aired a couple weeks ago, and I'll say it again- it gets me juuuuuuiced. The only thing that would make it more awesome would be if it were set to "Remember the Name."

Everyone see Running Scared, if you have not already. It's got a little bit of everything and therefore a little something for everyone.

Apropos of absolutely nothing at all, here is one of my favorite videos of all time:

Hee.

I know I got skillz man, I know I got skillz

2007-01-31T10:33:00.000-05:00

Not one, but TWO Shaq songs popped up on my way to work this morning. UNbelievable. And the one referenced in that title wasn't even one of them. In the interest of full disclosure though, it IS one of my cell phone rings. Which may or may not have gone off really loudly in my 9 a.m. Corporations class last year. Twice. In the same day. I rock so hard.

I really don't have anything important to say. I'm just having quite possibly the best hair day of my life, and wanted to document it.

I intend to watch the Nets tonight from one of my favorite downtown NYC bars. It is one of my favorites because I can play beirut there. And I have dominated in very convincing fashion in this venue. Currently I'm looking for more challengers for this evening...I'm in the mood to make a night of dominating. Really, I just like to say "dominate." DOMINATE.

Started questioning my moral character last night when I was suprisingly happy to see the return of "To Catch a Predator." I used to get all uppity with people who chastised me for watching, saying that I was really just happy to see these perverts get caught and punished. But last night I realized there's a mild feeling of glee that goes along with it too. My thought process is sort of like, "Ha ha, you thought you were getting some sweet 13-year-old ass, but now you're just going to jail...I LOVE YOU, CHRIS HANSEN!!!" OK, not really, but...well, they're pervs and they get what they deserve...and they also get humiliated in the process! Maybe it's exploitative and voyeuristic, but...whatever dude, these assholes get what they deserve. And if anyone finds this site by searching for "sweet 13-year-old ass," I am SO turning you over to Chris Hansen. (Note: Dear perverts, I am kidding, I do not really check that sort of thing...please do not stalk and kill me. Thank you. Love, Becky) 8-year-olds, dude....

I'm not a NASCAR fan, never have been...I don't even think I know any NASCAR fans. Except for maybe a certain Saigon Whore who claims to be a fan, although I never saw her watch any NASCAR in the 1.5 years I lived with her. I think she just likes the idea of being the most unlikely and attractive candidate for the "white trash" label. But I digress. All jokes and criticisms aside, I have to gives immense amounts of proppage to ESPN. They set one of their "NASCAR on ESPN" commercials to "For Those About to Rock" and I will be goddamned if that commercial didn't actually make me think for a second, "Hey, I should check this out." Behold the power of AC/DC. (Get it?) Well played, ESPN.

My Super Bowl could get a little ridiculous. There's a $40 all-you-can-eat/drink thing at this one bar...but it doesn't start until the game starts. But to get a seat I'll have to go at like noon...which is fine, since the Nets play at noon and there are a couple other good NBA games to get me through the day. But combine the Nets-stress drinking with the pre-SB all-day-in-a-bar drinking with the during-SB try-and-drink-your-money's-worth drinking and then throw in the psychotic Bears fan contingent at this place and...well, if I make it out alive, I'll be sure to tell the tale. Or whatever I can remember of it.

OK, there is something that has bothered me for a really long time, only I've never brought it up to anyone. So it has just been nagging at the back of my mind for years now, and...well it's time I cleared the air. Because maybe if I talk about it, I'll feel better about it.
Here goes...
You know that song "Money Ain't a Thang" by Jay-Z and Jermaine Dupri? One line in this song has bugged the heck out of me for a long time now. A search around the various lyrics web sites turns up 2 versions of the line:

I'm the truth like air, got the proof and stay
fly
In the safest shit you could never
buy
Know why? Cause I write the songs that the
whole world sing
I don't know bout y'all but every night I
swing

vs.

I'm "The Truth" like A.I., got the proof and stay
fly
In the safest shit you could never
buy
Know why? Cause I write the songs that the whole
world sing
I don't know about y'all but every night I
swing

Now I have listened to this song many many many times, and I am 99.999% certain JD is saying the latter. And you know why this bothers me?
AI IS THE ANSWER. PAUL PIERCE IS THE TRUTH.
If freaking RAPPERS can't get the nicknames right and I can? Something is seriously askew.
I just needed to get that off my chest. Thank you.
You may now enjoy the video, which includes the 3 C's of great videos: Cars, Cash, and Cooch.

Update: Congratulations to Marcus Williams for his VERY prestigious selection to the Rookie Challenge team. Excellent choice. Please do not let him be traded by then (or at all). He might be my favorite active Net right now, or at least a close second to my love, Boki.

Like a struggling doctor, no patience.

2007-01-26T14:53:00.000-05:00

My first disgustingly hungover day at work in quite some time. Yeah, I feel great. Note to self: when a crazy blond chick offers you a tequila shot and you have neither a penis nor a tendency to be bicurious...just say no.
Other note to self: don't come home completely hammered drunk and write emails, or they will come out like this:

ok so did you SEE what the nets just did? so not cool. 3 in a row
man. really relaly uncool.

Articulate I am not.

Additional note to self: watching a Nets game in the company of a boy you have just met is not the way to entice him. The need for anger management was not a particularly desirable trait the last time I checked.

Anyway, that makes 3 in a row. I was pretty sure about Larry's job status being pretty secure, what with built-in excuses by way of injuries, as recently as yesterday. But hot damn, what is he DOING? I just don't know. At least this game they were losing for awhile instead of just blowing seemingly insurmountable leads. FRUSTRATION.

Here's some more trade chatter.
Apparently the smart money is on Wince's days in the Swamp being numbered.
If Rod wants to give me a tall and talented Spaniard as an early birthday present, I would not be opposed. In fact, I'll even brush up on my 1 semester of Spanish. Buenos noches, Pau. Muchas gracias. Crema montada?

Also, Joumana wants to reconcile? Forget it, sweetie, you've been exposed as the psycho hose beast you are. Now get that divorce filing response so we can all have a little bit of voyeuristic fun.
(I'm not apologizing. Celebs deal with public intrusion into their private lives all the time. She's one of the biggest spotlight whores ever.)

On a somewhat related note, I don't know what made my friend send me this so many months later, but um...well, just see for yourself. Bitches is CRAZY, man. Athletes would be wise to avoid young self-important strumpets. As if they didn't know that already.... I know crazy in the head = crazy in the bed. But at least go for the low-profile type of crazies. Maybe a cutter the next time. Just a suggestion. Yeesh.

Learned late last night: Bears fans DO have confidence in Rex Grossman. Take THAT, NFL Network commercial! (I can't find the one that mentions Grossman on Youtube. Someone needs to upload that asap. Yes, I use "asap" phonetically. Don't act like you don't love it.) Apparently there's a strong feeling of optimism and Rexstacy's infamous misfires are attributed to bad play-calling and miscommunications. The general consensus is apparently that the Sex Cannon is about to make Peeton ask, "Kenny who?"
(It's OK, Kenny...I still think your tractor's sexy. What? That's not a euphemism? Darn.)

Catch 'em in the club throwin' pretty ass 'bows

2007-01-25T18:49:00.000-05:00

Relevant title! Yeah! (OK, almost.)
I have to admit, I throw some 'bows in the bars/clubs. I can't speak to the attractiveness of my elbows, but I'm pretty, so perhaps my elbows are pretty by association. Anyhow, it's not specific to NYC. I used to do it in Ithaca too. But there are just some people (girls especially) who have an over-inflated sense of the personal space to which they are entitled. I find it to be my place in life to let them know that they do not, in fact, deserve a 10 foot radius. Sometimes it's of the "Oops, my bad!" variety, and other times it's more of the "No, you get the fuck out of my way" variety. Along those same lines, in getting back into my 3-day-a-week commute to Grand Central, I have reinvented my own special move. I like to call it the "No Bitch, You Get Out of My Way Maneuver." And I must say, I execute this with the utmost skill and dexterity.

I had a thought about leading into some Nets chatter with that, by making some sort of 'bows in the club/'bows in the game comparison. But really the team is just depressing me. Not that I am giving up. Only BAD fans do that. The news over the weekend about RJ's surgery kind of let the wind out of the hot air balloon though. (What does that even MEAN?) So there are injuries and they're missing 2 of 5 starters (and one of the remaining healthy starters is Jason Collins) so it's kind of forgiveable to lose games when the team is relying heavily upon the Boki & Marcus Show. HOWEVA. Losing 2 games in a row by 1 point when you are blowing 20 point leads and 11 point leads (with 4 minutes left) is unacceptable. It really looks like Frank needs to figure out some, ANY rotation, and make sure Kidd gets some rest. Because this whole "no running a play at the end and just giving it to Vince and letting him figure something out" plan just DOESN'T WORK. The Jersey Boys should have lost to the Knicks last week but somehow Uncle Cliffy pulled a 4-leaf clover out of his ass and managed to bat the disgusting VC miss into the hoop. There is no reason for someone other than Jason Kidd to run the offense. When you have one of the best point guards of all time on your team? You do NOT let fucking Carter play YMCA ball with the game on the line!

::sigh::

I am glad to see VC not starting in the All-Star Game. He's been underachieving and regressing. I understand he's going through a divorce and yada yada yada, but come on dude...someone needs to step up and be the fucking MAN, and there is NO reason it should not be you. Until you do that, you don't deserve it. And yes, I love Agent Zero as much as anyone (read: everyone) else, but I would say the same thing no matter who beat him out (by 3,010 votes no less).

My friend allegedly has a version of this video that ends with a shot of the "Wince" face and then a screen shot of the text "What happened?" Nobody wants to upload it though, so you'll have to take my word for it.

Yeesh.
Sorry the quality is low, but hot damn. Nasty. "What happened?" indeed.

Or, as a pro put it today:

And yes, we know Vince made the right play on the drive-and-kick to Williams for his 3 (98-89), the right play on the pass-out to Kidd for the 3 (109-106), and the right play to Nachbar for the corner 3 that could have iced it.

But a three-shot foul, 26 feet from the cup, with four on the shot clock (Baron’s, 104-99)? That weak runner that led to an open, transition 3 (Harrington’s, 104-102)? That charging foul at 1:39 that led to the tying score (Biedrins, 106 apiece)?

Is some demented person scripting this stuff?

"Demented." There you have it.

Normally, the chance to watch the Nets on TNT would be a good reason to stay in. But I feel like drinking and have been watching them regularly on League Pass (and the bar, of course) anyway. Seriously, that borrowed account is the best gift anyone has ever given me. It's also like that episode of Friends, where they get the free porn and don't want to turn it off because they're afraid it won't be there anymore when they try to turn it back on. I haven't been able to turn it off. To be fair though, the end of a Bucks game does not have nearly the same pizzazz as a Peter North money shot. (Yes, that's right- Peter North and the word "pizzazz" in the same sentence. Go ahead and try it, I dare you.) Long story short, I'll make the bartenders turn on the game for me but I won't get to hear the commentary. Small sacrifice for drinking, I say.

I know this is kind of old, and they could have done a LOT more in terms of making the article entertaining, but...well, it must be said: Real recognize real. I'm not sure why, but this warms my heart just a lil. Maybe not down to the cockles, but...close enough.

And there are bunches and bunches of trade rumors. I won't weigh in until I hear one that is kind of realistic. Interesting though that they are playing the Clips tonight and I've been seeing Carter/Williams for Maggette/Livingston rumors. I think giving away Marcus is a bad idea. But as usual, no one is asking me. That's alright, though. If something gets done (and I have a sneaking suspicion something WILL go down before the trade deadline), I'm sure it will be a smart move. In Rod we trust.

Apropos of absolutely nothing...
I wish to register a COMPLAINT.
Ahem.
Girls. Listen up.
NOT ALL BOOTS ARE MEANT TO HAVE PANTS TUCKED INTO THEM, AND NOT ALL PANTS ARE MEANT TO BE TUCKED INTO BOOTS.
It's a hot look, but only if you do it correctly. Otherwise, you look stupid. I would say about half of the chicks in NYC currently look stupid. Fix it, please, so I can stop rolling my eyes and shaking my head at complete strangers and to no one in particular.

(I have a cd where they perform this live and Cleese freaking LOSES it in the best way possible from the very beginning. He walks in all pissed off to start and just YELLS, "I wish to register a COMPLAINT!" That's where that came from.)

Too hot to handle, too cold to hold....

2007-01-18T18:24:00.000-05:00

Here's a little recap of the Nets' ugly-ass win over Charlotte last night.

I had the pleasure of watching this game via my borrowed League Pass subscription (many many thanks to the current love of my life). The first half I, forever the diligent student, watched in class. Being that it was a class on divorce mediation, and I feel these skills will someday come in handy, I actually paid attention for about 5 minutes. I also had a few IMs going. But JKidd looked like a man on a mission, and that mission was "giving a shit about winning games." Excellent mission choice, Jason. I approve. I came home to watch the second half and they were just cruising...and then it all started to fall apart in the 4th. I am sure everyone who gives a shit about the Nets has already read about the ridiculous "Hack-a-Collins" trick the Bobcats pulled...and it's amazing no one has done this yet. I've been saying for years that Twin is an offensive liability. I named his mere existence as a current problem facing the Nets in a recent post. (And no, I don't ever link to my own posts because I find it to be gratuitous and self-involved. What's that? Writing a blog to begin with often entails both of these things? Well I'm not a blogger, I'm just a chick w/ a laptop and nobody to listen to her rant. So there.)

Anyhoo. The Nets tried their damnedest to blow this game, but won in spite of themselves. As soon as it was obvious what Charlotte was doing fouling Collins (and it was immediately obvious), he should have been taken out. Or AT LEAST once he missed the first two, and badly at that. Anyway, apparently they were all cutesy and joking around about it afterwards. That's nice. Glad to see you boys are in such good spirits despite blowing a 20+ point lead to a team that gives Jake Voskuhl playing time.

After warming up his audience, Collins continued: "Maybe next time I'll take a couple steps back, maybe go into a crossover, a little VC action. I was thinking of doing the Harold Miner around-the-back, doing the RJ (Richard Jefferson), where you close your eyes. It's not like I don't practice. I shoot 200 free throws a day. It's just a matter of making them."

Oh, you think so, Doctor?

Also of note:

"We did what we had to do," said Jefferson, who had a poor offensive game (2-for-9) but held Matt Carroll to 3-for-11.

Offense? Pshhh, who needs offense? As long as you contain the force of nature that is Matt Carroll! Keep up the good work, RJ!

Yuck.

Any Sonics fans out there? Watching the local broadcast of their game the other night, I caught a magnificent commercial for 80s Night at the Key. I can't find it anywhere though. I have this compelling urge to see Johan Petro do the Robot again though and I need to be sated! Anyway, all I've got is this pic of him and the highly underrated Nick Collison:

What's that? Collison is not underrated? Fine, I guess I just have a soft spot for tall, good-looking white guys. SUE ME.

Digression:
Overheard before class today:
Cool dude #1: Yo, you gonna watch any football this weekend?
Cool dude #2: YEAH man, are you???
Cool dude #1: Yeah I am!
Cool dude #2: It's gonna be sweet.
Cool dude #1: Dude, I KNOW.

Overheard after class today:
Awesome girl #1: Yo, I like this professor.
Awesome girl #2: Yeah, he's great. He's really smart.
Awesome girl #1: Yeah, he's like...EDUMACATED. He's REALLY edumacated!

One more semester, one more semester, one more semester...

As an aside, I apologize the titles of posts give absolutely NO indication as to the subject matter whatsoever. They're always just lyrics or movie/TV quotes that I hear earlier in the day that stick in my mind. So...yeah, that's that.

OK kiddies, Becky is off to get her drink on in a hardcore way. Sadly this might postpone the viewing I have been looking forward to since last week.

Note to self: stretch calves before bed.

The road to hell is paved with unbought stuffed dogs.

2007-01-17T12:37:00.000-05:00

Is everyone tired of the seesaw of emotions that is my personal life? Good, me too.

Tonight, I intend to bring back the basketball and the seesaw of drama that is the NJ Nets. Seriously, it appears Crazy Ho Joumana (nicknamed "Hurricane" and "Five-Oh") will be filing her response to the divorce filings any minute now...and according to a couple recent stories (including this most recent column by the always ace Woj), it was she that started the "salacious" RJ rumors, stalking and harrassing her husband AND his teammates. Eeeeek. (For voyeuristic gossip-mongers such as myself though- "Oh boy!")

A very handsome and charming young man has provided me with his League Pass access with which to attempt to watch the Nets on my computer...he's not based in the NY metro area, but I am, so it is TBD whether or not the game is blacked out. If it is though? I'm about to bring the bitch on Dish Network to solve my YES Network problem. Goddamn do I hate them. Even though my efforts will likely prove futile, 'twould be nice to unleash the fury, Mitch.

(Was that a "Road Trip" quote? Ugh.)

Via NetsDaily, the Nets are rumored to be interested in Dale Davis, "who turns 38 in March, is averaging 2.2 points and 3.6 rebounds in 12 minutes of action this season." Your old-ass unproductive and unjustly tasered vets: BRING IT!

Many apologies for bringing the girl up in this piece the last 2 posts in a row, not to mention bringing the schizo girl at that. I'm feeling much more sane today, thank you. And I've got a foolproof plan to bring the sexy back, which might already be working, judging by the unsolicited positive responses to only a few weeks of gymmage. And, just FYI, step 4 of this plan is: "Open that box."
As an aside, do all girls grab biceps in the throes of passion the way guys grab boobies? A word of advice for the ladies: I highly recommend keeping around a figurative set of double D's who happens to like the NBA and your ass.
I am, of course, not implying anything at all...just sayin'.

4 p.m. throw-in update: Try and make some sense out of Larry's rotation. Go ahead, I dare you. Without a flow chart, you are doomed to fail. That's a true fact.

Aw no, she ain't a ho, she's just a badd bitch....

2007-01-11T01:51:00.000-05:00

Once again I have returned home to my apartment too inebriated to do the work I had on the ol' things-to-do list.
Not only am I useless, I'm also going straight to hell for laughing my ass off at completely inappropriate jokes all night. Luckily though, they only referred to tragic accidents and not, say, spousal abuse. Because that would be wrong.

This spot has gotten very basketball oriented of late, which is probably a good thing. But with all the negativity surrounding so many teams/players/people in my life in recent days, instead of delving into allll of that, I'm going to throw my own brand of warm fuzzies up in this piece.

(If you want an intellectual take on the Kidd Family Drama, TrueHoop blew me the fuck away today.)
(If you want an intelligent take on Tuesday night's game that I had the, um, "fortune" to watch, Joe broke it down all nice-like.)

Anyway, in no particular order, here are a few random things that made me smile in the last couple days:
:)

*Buy-backs- when a bartender lets you know they appreciate your alcoholism.

*Being able to do exercises I was unable to the last time I tried- maybe it was the fact that less than 3 months elapsed since my last workout, maybe it was the B-12; either way, I would have flexed in a mirror if I were that type of gal.

*Ranch dressing- because fuck the diet, that's why.

*The first snow of the season- it was flurrying while I walked from Grand Central to my office and I'll be damned if I didn't grin like an idiot the whole 2 blocks. And I lived upstate for 3 years and generally despise the frigid cold.

*Self-validation- when you're not even feeling sad or insecure and someone calls you up to tell you what a fabulous girl you are and that you don't need any "make-up or push-up bras like the rest of the girls in the city" to be beautiful, especially since you are additionally intelligent and awesome...well, that just rocks. Um, even if it is your dad.

*The way I look in a headband- I might be alone in this one, but I'm pretty sure it's adorable.

*Large lecture classes- because then you never have to go!

*Fat-Free Half & Half- undeniably awesome.

*More self-validation- hearing you have been helpful or useful at a job that you are pretty sure any reasonably talented law student could do just as well as you on any given day. Or any reasonably talented...monkey.

*Jamaican dog-sledding- No, really! There's a Cool Runnings joke in here somewhere and probably some others that are easy and/or distasteful...however, tonight we'll just go with the feel-good story aspect of this and say how fantastic it is that doggies are getting saved and then attached to scooters for the love of competition.
This is Smiley:

I love him already.

We ain't acrobats but we flip on occasion.

2007-01-09T18:46:00.000-05:00

For those of you scoring at home, that is:

1 moody SG in a contract year and going through a divorce;

1 potentially bisexual SF possibly causing locker room discord on a gimpy ankle;

1 impressionable young C out for the season with an el knee;

1 team captain PG embroiled in a domestic/legal dispute; and

1 PF who is Jason Collins.

Not to mention a bench that has no set rotation.

Ummmmmm yeah. This I gotta see. I'll be at the bar watching with the usual crack team of myself and...myself.

Guhhhhh.

Won't say sorry when she offends....

2007-01-09T01:41:00.000-05:00

Well, I am sad to report that watching spiders, yes, even loopy spiders, has sufficiently skeeved me out way too much for me to be able to sleep.
Luckily, tomorrow is only the 2nd day of school and I don't have class until 11. So I'm gonna watch "The Producers" and write a bit about my favorite board-busting geriatric since Michael Cage, Uncle Cliffy.

A couple days ago, NetsDaily under one item posted 2 links to 2 different Uncle Cliffy-related stories. Usually the different crap under same headings are somewhat related. These though...not so much.

The first story is of the light-hearted variety, tracking the history of the headband usage by His Cliffyness. It even gets into the history a bit, noting that Slick Watts tried wrapping duct tape around his head before realizing that hey, there might be a better way to do this.... It's a bit of a strange tale, and really ages The Spliff, as headbands were apparently seen as rather uncool at the time, and his first NBA-worn headbands happened to fasten with freaking VELCRO. But it's cute. Yet I'm slightly disappointed by the weak trash talk thrown around the Association back in Medieval Times.

That did not spare him from heckling.
“I used to get killed,” Robinson said.
He heard comments like, “Take that stupid headband off,” or “You look ridiculous in that headband.”
“I heard a little bit of everything,” Robinson said.

That was way harsh, Tai.
Or, in the alternative, "Hazel really puts your mother to shame."
Either way, many before-my-time props to Cliffy for being a motherfuckin trend-setter.
May I formally request he be the one to finally bring the flat-top back???

While we're here, Robinson's Wikipedia page mentions something about an "on-court dance of the same name [Uncle Cliffy]." Unfortunately, a quick perusal of Youtube/Google/etc. has turned up nothing and much sadness was felt throughout the land of Becky. The best I could do was some German/Austrian/Swiss...something. This will not do. Populär gemacht indeed.

The 2nd Cliffy article was really a much more broad article in the Daily News the other day, inspired by the Darrent Williams tragedy. It's actually a very, I think, quality read about how certain cities are much more dangerous for athletes based upon the types of markets their teams are in. A couple of the dudes interviewed for the column point out that in a huge city like NYC, athletes can go out to the clubs and aren't necessarily a spectacle because there are also rock stars and movie stars and washed up pop stars flashing vag. But, they explain, in a city such as Denver, athletes are the biggest celebs and, as Brandon Short says, the "big dogs in town." The socio-economics also come into play, as always, and really, just go give it a read. I'm surprised to be saying it myself about something I read in the freaking NY Daily News, but it's multi-faceted and quite interesting. Not to mention there is a nice city-by-city breakdown at the end that is a little bit thought-provoking, if nothing else. I will say this- the day after Williams was killed, my best friend pointed out the Julius Hodge incident wasn't too far away and posited it had something to do with Denver. I'm sure it's a bigger issue, but...well yeah.

To go on this same theme but to lighten it up and stay on track w/ the Cliffyness of the post...

A mature athlete simply knows he can't afford to fight anyone, says the Nets' Cliff Robinson, a 17-year veteran who started his career with his own cautionary tale.
During his rookie season, Robinson hit a female police officer in the head as she and her partner tried to break up a fight outside a Portland bar at 3:30 a.m.
"That stigma of being a troublesome guy stays with you a long time," he says. Robinson was in a well-known troublespot that night and has long said he reacted to a mouthy patron when the fight began. "You learn you have to be careful of what you say to people, and when they say something to you, you have to be able to walk away," he says.

Well...I'm not sure bitch-slapping Officer Sugartits is entirely the same thing, Cliff. But point noted. I don't like mouthy patrons either.

Just for the record, the illustrious RJ was also questioned.... He comes through with the typical goody two-shoes response, of COURSE:

Some cities might have reputations for being more dangerous, but the Nets' Richard Jefferson says it doesn't matter where a professional athlete goes if he makes poor decisions.
"There aren't many clubs in the country that don't have VIP areas" to separate the fans from the famous, he says. "Trouble's going to find you."

Sorry RJ, but something tells me most athletes don't adore the Meatpacking District as much as you do. Or, you know, at ALL.

And in case anyone was really wondering what hardships were faced by morally grounded kickers...

"You get caught up a lot of times in old relationships you had before. A lot of guys can't cut loose those relationships because they're their boys, their friends. They're worried people are going to say, 'You big-timed us.'"
Feeley says he learned how painful it can be when he went to visit a high school friend back in Tampa and learned the friend was dealing drugs. He immediately ended the relationship, he says, and was accused of turning his back on his friends.

Maybe it's just me, but Feely's tale has a distinctively After-School Special overtone, and really...I just want to give him a big hug. Wait a minute...no I don't. Notwithstanding, I myself have never been big-timed before, and would like to try it out, if anyone knows what that entails. It sounds like a good time.

Anyway, the bottom line- just be careful out there. And maybe just...I don't know. The necklace thing seems to be a recurring problem. If it's big enough to snatch off your neck that easily...well don't drop millions on it. Or don't wear it where someone might want to steal it as a status thing. Or...fuck, I'm not gonna act like I have any clue. I'm a suburban white girl who dances w/ her fingers in the air. (What can I say, I like to boogey.) So things like this make no sense to me:

"Athletes are easy prey," says Rob Johnson, a self-styled New York street agent with ties to numerous NBA players. "They have money and everybody knows it. Street culture has a mentality all its own: you get points for robbing famous guys."

I don't even know what the fuck a "street agent" is, let alone how to self-style oneself as such.

What I do know? Is the Feely Kicking School is funny, although I'm not sure why. Because fuck the Giants, that's why.

ooooohhh...

2007-01-09T01:25:00.000-05:00

I JUST realized how easy it is to post YouTube videos!

Here is the JKidd ridiculousness from Friday night (at the 1:30 mark):

And here, for your consideration, are some spiders on crack:

Thank you sir, may I please have another?

2007-01-07T21:13:00.000-05:00

Demoralized.

That's the only way to describe it.

I'm completely hammered and have all this work to do...and yeah, it's just not happening.

I wish I could say this went down in a way that was in any way a surprise. But it was entirely fitting. From the opening touchdown drive to the red zone futility to the series of boneheaded penalties to the sudden flash of brilliance...no, wait, make that the sudden flash of competence shown by Eli when it seemingly mattered, to the complete collapse by the defense setting up the utterly predictable game-winning Akers FG. It was all so foreseeable, I swear it was a replay of one of at least 5 other recent games. Ugh.

The utter schizophrenia of the qb is starting to get really irritating. It's not a question of whether Business Eli or Pouty Eli will show up on a game-to-game basis, it's a question of which will show up on a quarter-to-quarter basis.
I like seeing Shockey bitch at him. As much of a douche as Shockey may be perceived as, he's a fucking manimal who keeps going on a drive even when he loses his helmet and actually GIVES A SHIT. I'm not sure if Eli's dismissive "Yeah" to Shockey was out of not caring or out of frustration, but...I don't know. So much wrong with one team.

My friends have decided to lead the call for the Fire Tim Lewis movement. I think he has enough built-in excuses (i.e. injuries everywhere) to stay employed, but...well, there is a fair amount of ineptitude on the defensive end that it would make at least some sense.

Oy. Anywayyy. I think I need to refrain from reading any recaps or blogs or IMs or anything. It's gonna take a few days to get over this one, since once again they found a way to drag me right along with them up until the very end. As I said throughout the game though, as I tied, untied, retied, and untied the noose repeatedly, it was probably time to euthanize this season anyway. The Giants need to shore up on offense, defense, and all sides of coaching. Until any of that starts happening, or the official off-season (for everyone) starts, I'm done talking football. Be gone, GMen, allow me to live a sane life again.

This is what happens, Larry! This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps!

2007-01-06T11:41:00.000-05:00

I just arrived back at my perch adjacent to both television and computer, turned on both, and found the special SATURDAY edition of SUNDAY NFL Countdown...and I'll be damned if I didn't just get legitimately giddy. For some reason, I am particularly looking forward to this round of playoffs. There are enough teams that I like to root against as well as randomly like that I could actually have a rooting interest in most of these games. That never happens! I'm pretty clear cut where I stand in all of these match-ups...only here's a weird one. I like to root against the Jets. Jets fans get on my nerves a lot (it is no coincidence that they usually happen to also be Mets fans). However, guess which fan base is worse? That's right- the Disciples of Dreamboat. So there you go, Gang Green. I'm all yours tomorrow from the hours of 1-4. What's that? You don't want me? Ahh, that's a shame, I am pretty freaking awesome.

What of the Boys in Blue? No one is giving them a prayer, let alone a shot or a chance. Um, except Deadspin, but the pick somehow got lost in some kind of St. Louis Cardinals propaganda. How shocking. Even Philly fans, usually the poster boys of doom and gloom, are openly saying, "WHEN the Eagles win," and, "The Eagles will win," to me. They're not even worried about the SI jinx, which to be fair may have been more of a reverse reverse reverse jinx. Whatever THAT means. Anyway, it's all been said about the GMen. They suck, and they hurt my feelings, and they fell back asswards into the playoffs. But here they are, in the playoffs. Here's my feeling- it can't be any worse than last year vs. Carolina, right? Ugh. Yes, I have been walking around the last couple days literally nervous, with some non-literal butterflies in my tummy, strictly about this game. It's almost like the first day of school...where you're kind of excited but also totally filled with dread. In fact, I think that sums up this year's Giants perfectly. They will simultaneously excite you and fill you with dread, week after week.

In talking with my aunt last night, somehow the subject of football came up. This is strange, because this aunt is not the football fan aunt. It's also strange because she mentioned since they moved to Philly, she became an Eagles fan. Completely unacceptable. My uncle and cousins are Giants fans. Then again, I don't know what "fan" really means to her. She said some stuff about really liking Donovan McNabb, but how "nice" of a story this whole Jeff Garcia business is. I'm not sure exactly what that means, but...I'm pretty sure it means she's not really a Philly fan. ANYWAY. Since my cousins are old enough that none of them live at home anymore, my uncle apparently watches Giants games by himself every week from the comfort of their extremely lavish home ("lavish" being relevant because the TV situation is a fucking sweet set-up). I guess being in one's 50s (and not being familiar with these here interwebs and their intricate intertwining of sports fans) and watching games alone is kind of like being trapped in a bomb shelter or something. Because apparently he is constantly wondering aloud if anyone else can tell that Eli Manning is just "not very good" at football. "I don't think he wants to be out there," my uncle continuously says incredulously. "Can anyone else tell?" I assured my aunt that yes, some of us can indeed tell. I told her to pass the message along that he is not alone. Then I shook my head and stared off into the distance with a sad look on my face as a quick montage of Eli's season passed before my eyes.

When Eagles fans are optimistic and I'm staring off into the distance, nothing good can come. For anyone. I want to say it will be a huge letdown game for these Eagles and their *lovely* fans, but...I don't know. Do I think NY CAN win? Yes. Do I think they WILL? Ehhhhh. Fuck it, you know what? Yes. It's 70 degrees in January and the freaking golf course by my house is open. All things considered, a GMen victory against Jeff Garcia isn't all that inconceivable. (Yeah, they pulled me back in again. Fuck me.)

Anyone else catch this story today? I heard it on the radio when I was driving around. Despite the complete bludgeoning of Godfather jokes, I enjoyed it anyway.

The marijuana was actually hidden inside the cannoli, and there was "enough so someone could have a little personal consumption around Christmastime," Nassau County Police spokesman Kevin Smith said.

Awww, Long Island police spokesmen are so cute. I bet he followed that statement up with an elbow nudge and a "Wink, wink...know what I mean?"

Was there a voice unkind?

2007-01-05T22:33:00.000-05:00

So I'm back home with ma and pa, having another lame night in. I just finished watching the Nets game. I wish I could watch all the games so I could run a game night feature entitled "Guess Which Players Cared Tonight." The answer to that little game on this first contest of the new year would be "Mikki Moore and Bostjan Nachbar." No, seriously. And Kidd went to work as always. The rest of the guys? Ugh. Uncle Cliffy gets a pass tonight though because it was his first game back from knee surgery. Vince - go to hell. RJ? You know, there was very little focus on him other than when he actually had the ball...I wonder if that was purposeful or just a broadcasting anomaly. Anyway, it was nice to see the horrific officiating work out in the favor of MY team for once. And I did see one of the sickest shots ever made when Kidd freaking shot the ball over his head facing away from the basket, seemingly without even looking and oh my goodness gracious. Top Play for sure.

Anyway, just as I was typing this, my mom told me to check out this diatribe from Joe. Her particular point of interest was the "1,000 lb pink elephant in the locker room." I would just like to point out that the official gay pride color is purple, not pink, mom. Sheesh. Now you're a racist AND a homophobe? Get some help. Just kidding, love you!

Man, if my mom ever actually read these things that I write...I shudder to think. I actually sent the url to someone I know for the first time this week because I had mentioned to my best friend in some context that I was blabbing to complete strangers on this thing (all 3 of y'all). I had started writing this thing in the interest of remaining completely anonymous and no one reading it...but if random people happened across it, at the very least no one I actually KNOW. I've put up a fair amount of embarrassing factoids, not to mention some pretty bitchy diatribes directed at other humans. And now that I think about it? How anonymous have I really been? You've got my name, my location, plenty of info re: my family and friends and schools and what not...I guess my point here is just "whoops." Because if anyone I knew were to find and read this, it would take them probably about 2 minutes to figure out it was me. I hope and pray this does not happen, but I realized it is possible. So if it does...well I've got no shame, give a holler and I'll make sure not to talk any shit about you. And Nesticle? If you made it past all the "sports stuff" and are actually reading? Hi, and love ya :)

This thing has gotten pretty stream-of-consciousness lately, which also happens to mean "annoying." In the interest of being a bit more coherent, I'm just going to write a bit more about the basketball and call it a night.

Annnnd I just remembered we have League Pass and turned on the Nuggets/Lakers game.

I have to say, I thoroughly enjoyed the Charles Barkley Broadcast last night. Much liveblogging and commenting has been done in the past 24 hours with mixed but mostly positive reviews. Stuck at home as I was, I checked out MJD's liveblog over at the FanHouse and found it to be entertaining. I'm a big fan of the liveblog w/ live commenting. It's way less intimidating to do it over at the FanHouse than over in the Deadspin Live Comment Tailgates though. Spinners scare me. But no, this was like a little throwback to hanging out in AOL chat rooms back in junior high. Only way more dorky. MJD though, is indeed mighty.

Pina colada flavored yogurt is bizarre. I've never felt a yogurt was missing rum before.

Back to Barkley, I thought he was pretty decent. He mumbles a bit, but if you can get past that, he's entertaining as always. I'll admit to being a bit of a Barkley apologist (I may or may not own at least 1 of his books) but I honestly thought he did pretty well. Dick Bavetta could totally beat him in a race of any substantial distance though. Charles looked pretty winded at the end of that video of him running the bleachers in some stadium.

I should mention that Charles was filling in for the ailing Steve Kerr, if only because Nesticle thinks Steve Kerr is super cute. I don't really get that. Then again, I'm the one who said, "Brad Miller could give me the flu any time."

I found it a little strange that Charles kept saying how much more "mature" Kobe has become following the LAL/PHX playoff series last year, remembering that they feuded after Chuck made some comments about Kobe's shot selection (or lack thereof or lack of any shots or whatever). Meanwhile, he kept saying how mature he's gotten without mentioning the fact that Kobe didn't take a single shot until there were less than 2 minutes left in the first quarter. Would have liked some explanation there, Charles, because you did not make any sense. Basically, not shooting in the first quarter of a regular season game shows maturity grown from not taking any shots in the 4th quarter of a playoff game? I just gave myself a headache.

One other comment and then I will move right the fuck along away from a game that happened a long time before the one I am currently watching. Marv Albert jokingly said something about Barkley's playing days and said something about him being 6'1". Charles moved right along in the conversation and Marv pointed out that he was joking...and Charles moved on again. Did he not get the joke, requiring the explanation? Was he offended? Or is he really 6'1"? I mean, he was listed as what, 6'6"? And it was pretty well known that he was definitely shorter than that, but...6'1"? Really? To be fair, I think all guys exaggerate their height, unless they are really tall. But definitely any guy that is not a pro athlete (they have a separate scale with which I am not familiar), and who falls within the range of 5'4"-6'1", lies up. Some round up to the nearest inch, and some just add an inch or two. And yes, I am still talking about height. Pervs.

There is one thing about League Pass that irritates me. Commercials on local stations in other cities always make me hungry for food that is not available to me in the tri-state area. I hate that. I also hate Sonic, for advertising here anyway and then saying "HAHAHA THIS IS DELICIOUS AND YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY, BECKY." Fucking Sonic.

I do, however, very much enjoy the Carl's Jr. commercial where the dudes all shake the cows to the milkshake song. Not the most original idea, but...well, there's jiggling cattle.

So I haven't seen this anywhere else, but I think Marv mentioned last night that there is supposedly some sort of feud brewing between Mike Bibby and Ron Artest. And while MJD already beat me to a "Team Dime is not a gang" joke, I would like to at least get a non-joke 2 cents in and ask the basketball gods for this to please, PLEASE boil over at some point. Of course I am thinking more along the lines of a Zach Randolph/Ruben Patterson practice jawbreaker, and not so much of any actual gang warfare. Who will play the Qyntel Woods role and hold someone's arms behind their back, allowing their teammate to get a square shot in on the jaw? I can only hope for Kenny Thomas. Because, to quote one of my own tag lines from a couple years ago, "Kenny Thomas is the man."

These new NBA commercials really baffle me. Like I kinda get the Yao one, but the Luke Ridnour one, with the quote from the Book of Proverbs? Really bizarre. Is that the Association trying to appeal to the big time Jesus worshippers? Because even so, I feel they could do better than Luke Ridnour. Especially to go along with the quote, "Desire realized is sweet to the soul." I'm sorry, but who the fuck is associating ANYONE on Seattle with "desire realized"??? What desire have they realized? The desire to sign Andre Brown apparently. Or the desire to get blown out by the Knicks tonight. Weee.

I went to get my nails done today and while I was in the ol' pedicure chair (why do I hate that word so much?) an African American male walked into the salon. A dude in the salon always catches my eye, just because it's a rare sight. Then I realized he was going to the businesses in the shopping center trying to sell something, and he gives his spiel to the closest Korean woman. She doesn't understand him, so he goes down the line trying to explain to each person and I catch that he's actually trying to sell some Nets tickets promotional dealie. He finally lands on me, all frustrated, and I'm the only white person in the place and he asks all flustered, "Do you speak English?" Now, the fact that he walked into a nail salon to begin with does not speak highly of his level of intelligence, at least on these matters. So I contemplated playing the "I'm sorry, I don't watch sports" card so he would go away, since I hate HATE it when someone tries to sell me something. But I told him yes and he came over and started his spiel again and I decided to just level with him and let him know he actually stumbled across a huge Nets fan. Yada yada yada, whatever it was he was selling, I bought. It seems like a good deal maybe? 2 free tickets for $45 and under seats, and then 2 buy-1-get-1 tickets for $101 and under seats. Of course, they block out the games where they expect people will actually want to go, but there are a few games on there that intrigue me. He tried to sell me 2 of the things, but I told him it would be hard enough to find ONE person to go to a Nets game, let alone 2 or 3. I wish I could remember what marketing company he worked for so I could have some credibility here, but...alas, 'tis not to be. Anyway, it might be a good deal. I'm not sure. Either way, a dude came into the nail place and offered me a good deal on Nets tickets, and that never happens. So I got that going for me. Which is nice.

I'm going to go watch some more of the Lakers game and try and figure out whether I like them or not. Detestable as Mamba might be, he's damn sure compelling (and may or may not head up my roto team). Then perhaps I can sleep off some of my stupidity, that of the cause of completely missing an important doctor's appointment, losing my cell phone charger, and leaving my coat in the nail salon. I rock so hard. On an "at least someone is worse" note, my sister went to exchange some gifts and spent a few hours in the mall...and when she was on her way home, she called to say she accomplished everything she wanted other than the return of some gifts to the Gap. She said our mall doesn't have a Gap. Which, of course, it does, and we tell her as such. To which she responds indignantly, "NO, there's a Gap Body and a Gap Kids and a Gap Men and a Gap Women, but NO regular Gap."

Just for fun, and to make you bitter that you missed the deadline too, here's the link to the Jalen Rose Holiday Poetry Contest on his blog. I'm a little sad that I narrowly missed the chance to share some Hanukkah poetry w/ Mr. Rose. Fuck it though, nothing rhymes with Maccabee anyway.

Tom Washington hates my mom.

2006-12-26T22:26:00.000-05:00

I would just like to note that in my very first fantasy football league, I came in 3rd and am quite proud of myself. Because nothing is more important than things that are entirely unimportant.

So I sat down to watch the Nets while I waited for my mom to bring home my sister and dinner. It was only supposed to be temporary, but I have this habit of getting sucked into things that are doomed to end badly....
Did I make a few notes during the game? You betcha.

I was extremely pleased to be listening to Ian Eagle call the game. Fantastic name, super fantastic announcer.

Useful information during the pregame festivities- Sheed makes half-court shots when he's warming up, TJ passes his dad the ball during warm-ups, and Mikki Moore gets the start tonight.

And I don't know who this Nancy Newman is doing pre-game and halftime reports but she's ALL botoxed out. I think. Or just really...weird...lookin....

Cliffy might be back in 2 weeks...isn't he a little old to rush back? I mean, no jokes here, the older the get the longer it takes to recover from these things, no? Either way...this is one gimpy fucking team.

Red jerseys = confusing.

They looked horrible in the first quarter. Just terrible. It seemed like all 5 match-ups on the floor the first few minutes were mismatches. Mismatches, may I add, that were easily exploited by Detroit, most notably Sheed, who had a monster freaking 1st quarter. I can't find the line but it was something ridiculous like 16-4-2-2. Yeeeesh. All I know is the Nets looked absolutely lost on defense, or maybe just confused? I had it pegged for a 40 point blowout after the first 5 min.

Not to get all Bill Simmons on you, but after dinner I settled in to watch the 2nd half w/ my mom. I kind of figured...when do I get the chance to watch a Nets game with someone who has watched a few Nets games, let alone pretty much every game? I can't even find someone to watch a game with me period. Within the first minute, we had this exchange:
Becky: Josh Boone is one ugly motherfucker.
Mom: I was just thinking that.

She's not prim and proper or anything, but my mom is usually pretty polite and normal. So I enjoy when she says things like, "That Rasheed Wallace is a CRAZY motherfucker." I blame myself, I do.

Along the lines of my thinking that TJ is too old to be cute anymore, we quickened our descent into hell by making fun of his full stache a bit...and then every time he was shown on screen we giggled our motherfuckin heads off.

Ian Eagle mentioned the "pained look" Vince has had on his face the last few games. That's the "Wince" look I like to allude to. Where he looks all worried/constipated/sad, trying to get sympathy from the refs or the fans or I don't know who but Vince? It's fucking stupid.

The guys mentioned that Dale Davis has been playing in the league for 16 years. This prompted my mom to mention he has come up in some Nets trade rumors, but she doesn't know anything about him. Which prompted ME to say, "He's been playing for 16 years and you know nothing about him...what does that tell you?" Mom's response: "He's old?"

Marcus Williams and Antoine Wright and Boki didn't get in the game at all. I wonder what the hell Lawrence Frank is doing? He seems to be picking rotations by picking names out of a hat. And only 8 names at that. I just don't get it. Neither does he apparently. Blah.

My mom really loves that fucking Bacardi commercial where everyone is doin "The Mojito." It's really stupid, and she dances every time it comes on. Ugh.

As much as she loves the Mojito, she hates Vince. Literally, she said "I hate him" about 30 times throughout 1 half of a basketball game. Sometimes it's nice not to live at home anymore. Because it's not so much, "I hate him," as, "I HATE HIM!!!" Fun.

As much as my mom hates VC, I hate my sister playing her guitar upstairs really loudly. Cody's + Michael McDonald > my house + sister's guitar music.
Seriously, she's really talented and all but...stop it.

Commercial for Mike & the Mad Dog where random people on the street go "Aaaaaaaaaaaa" like Mad Dog = WORST. COMMERCIAL. EVER. And I REALLY mean that.

My mom commented that Teyshaun looks like Curious George. I called her a racist. She got defensive, because she is not, in fact, a racist. However, I called her one for the rest of the game. I am so lovely.

Not only did my mom explain how much she hates Vince Carter, she also called him an "asshole" who constantly "dances around with the friggin' ball until he gives it up." And apparently she believes very strongly that in crunch time, Vince is likely to do "stupid things over and over and over again." I think she might just be getting bitter as time goes on though because she said how much she thinks Collins sucks. And I have said for YEARS how much Collins sucks, and she always defended him. Now? I say "Man he sucks." She says "Ya think?"

Speaking of Collins, Ian Eagle called him a "scoring machine" when he had 11 points. Sick one. He finished w/ 14. That's huge for him.

This commercial for the Versus Invitational with the gay (I think?) cowboys really throws me for a loop. No joke here. Just...what the fuck???

When I ended a serious relationship a couple years ago, I joked to my best guy friend (and fellow diehard NBA fan) that I was done with serious relationships and only going for short-lived flings/non-serious endeavors by saying, "10-day contracts only." His response, which I used as an away message for months was, and I quote: "Ha! You're gonna bang a bunch of Eddie House and DerMarr Johnsons!" You can only imagine my excitement when House landed on the Nets.

My mom did have kind words for RJ: "He always makes the right decisions." Not so fast, Ma.

Speaking of RJ and right decisions, not to revisit this whole bi-rumor-dealie, but I have it on 3rd hand information from someone who works for the NBPA that they "know that RJ is gay and they've been preparing for it and [are] trying to get the timing right for him to announce it." My source has been wrong before. But I'm just sayin.

So Yao is out for a bit, which is sad except for the Nets playing against Houston manana sans Nenad. And when I think about it, I have never met a Rockets fan in my life. I followed them for a bit in the mid-90s for no apparent reason. And I've never been to Texas. It just seems weird though. Dallas and San Anton fans seem to be all over the place, but even in the wide world of blogs I can't really remember hearing from too many Houston fans. Or like...any. Not that I care. It just struck me as odd. Yeahhh I'm rambling.

At some point in the 4th quarter of the game, JKidd was bringing the ball up the court and Ian Eagle mentioned that Larry Frank quickly called a play for him. Then Kidd got double teamed, maybe triple...and threw the ball to Collins a couple feet inside the 3-point line and Collins threw the ball up and actually made the shot...and call me crazy, but I don't think that was the play.

With a few minutes left, Josh Boone fouled out. And he actually had 6 points and 12 boards? Those are like Tyson Chandler numbers. There's hope for the kid yet. My mom and some of the Nets writers have high hopes for him, but anyone I talk to who watched him play in college swears he's a bum who will never amount to anything. I guess we will find out very soon which is true.

At this point, I am fairly certain when Vince drives the lane, he never has the intention of trying to take a shot in the first place. He kind of just careens wildly and hopes someone fouls him.

Why is it that any free throw that touches the rim first requires an announcer to say the player "gets the roll?" Sometimes, it doesn't roll. Sometimes it JUST BOUNCES.

So with something like 30 seconds left on the clock and a 1 point lead, JKidd held the ball for a few seconds to run the clock down a bit...and then just dribbled and launched up an ill-advised jump shot. No plays called (that I know of), no plays run. Clearly he missed, Billups took the ball down the court, got fouled and made both shots, giving the Pistons the lead w/ like 7 seconds left. Soooooo they called a time-out, my mom made fun of Flip Saunders's twitching problem and then predicted a Vince "fuck-up" to end the game.

And then...I mean what the fuck??? I thought it was an offensive foul at first, but after seeing the replay just once I could tell Sheed fucking FLOPPED. So not only WAS there contact in the first place, it caused Sheed to FLOP because of said CONTACT...and ugh. Just, UGH. Just. Fucking. Terrible. And Lawrence Frank agrees, yelling "FUCKING HORRIBLE" as he is physically restrained on his way off the court. And Tom "WWE Ref" Washington just decided who won the game. Fucking fuck. Ian Eagle sums it up nicely by saying, "And it's been that kind of season for the Nets." Freaking fantastic.

In his post-game interview, LFrank is restrained and points out that never in the history of the game have they (the refs) reversed a call. Now I don't know if this is true...and it must be...at least in the case of a non-call? But like...why the fuck not? The refs have notoriously ruined/determined some potentially phenomenal games, especially in recent years. And isn't there ANYTHING Stern can do about it? Some way to hold officials accountable for their calls/non-calls, at least in extreme situations?? Nothing can be done about this? I don't know. It just seems like so many Nets games ALONE have been determined by bad officiating, not to mention the other 29 teams in the league. And with some non-fans claiming the terrible refs are one of the main reasons they DON'T like the NBA...it just seems like something could/should be done, no?? I don't know. I'm fucking ranting.

The sports gods clearly hate me. They dropped A-Job on me, pull painful puppet strings w/ the GMen every week, and the Nets debacle is just the latest "Fuck you, Becky."

Soooooooooooooo yeah. That was fun. At least after the game, the dynamic YES Network showed GMC Trucks Presents: CenterStage: Ice-T. Fannnnntastic.

I'm singing "Hu Hagtol Gavish"

2006-12-25T22:11:00.000-05:00

Yeah I'm a STYLIN' JEW alright. But I really have no clue what the F that means.

So this has sort of become my venue to vent about whatever the hell is on my mind, so tonight comes the "lonely Jew on Christmas" rant. At least until I get super frustrated with the mouse on this computer, which works just good enough that I continue to use it and just badly enough that I slam it against the desk every hour or so hoping it will either shatter or start working better.
I sat on my ass all day and watched The Wire and I have to say that halfway through the 3rd season, I don't understand why everyone said season 3 was so much better than season 2....
I thoroughly enjoyed my food made by Asians. Although dinner with my family always gets a little surreal. We all enjoy the roundtable ridicule, but the R-rated insults are starting to get weird. Something about my sister's weird roommate staying in on Halloween to "practice" some such Wiccan strangeness creates enough material without anyone referring to her playing with a black cat, in not so many words. In ANY event, mad props to the Chinamen for remaining open for us on Christmas. What's that? "Chinamen" is not the preferred nomenclature anymore? Asian Americans then. Right on.
I do freaking love going to the movies. I've come to notice that since I love going to the movies, when I date a guy who likewise loves going to the movies, I see every movie I want to, and probably a few that I could very well skip. When I am single and/or dating someone who does not possess a love for the cinema experience, I miss pretty much everything and end up saying a lot of "Man, I wanted to see that!" as I walk through the New Releases aisle of the video store. (As an aside, I spent some time as a self-proclaimed movie snot and literally scoffed at my friends for heading to the New Releases aisle. Now I get legitimately excited when my dad wants to rent Lucky Number Slevin. The universe is laughing at me again.) But coming home from school all these years always means I can count on my parents taking me to a movie if we have time. And I fucking love them for it. But the one thing I don't get is this: my parents are intelligent people. They understand a lot about life, and academically they are clearly above average. But it's like no matter what movie they see, they have to reason through it on the carride home. And half the time they reason it out wrong! There is nothing more frustrating than trying to explain how simple the ending was while listening to them try and reason through all this subtext that just WASN'T THERE. I even had to listen to the whole family try and figure out the hidden meaning behind The Devil Wears Prada last night because they had just watched it on dvd. I hadn't watched it with them, thank GOD, so I just paid extra attention to my menu. Which I didn't mind doing anyway, because I fucking love menus.
Oy. Anyhow. Chinese/Japanese food + movie theater = happy Jews on Christmas.

I will admit to being spoiled on Christmas. Of the last 5 years, I spent the first 3 Christmases with the family of my boyfriend at the time. For those of you scoring at home, that was 3 different families in 3 different years. I never said pimpin was easy. I do love Christmas though, and getting "adopted" for the holiday is one of my favorite things. Something about trees and cookies and xmas music...yeah I admit it, I love it. Especially the tree! For the record though, moms, if your son brings a girl home for Christmas and it's the first time you're meeting her, no matter how much she likes the tree...don't offer to buy her first tree if she converts. As a general rule, we don't like that. Just FYI. I can't imagine why you would be surprised when your husband leaves you though...uhhh hypothetically speaking.
Two years ago my fam flew to Puerto Rico on Christmas. No complaints there.
As for last year, I honestly have no recollection of Christmas except for spending my whole winter break reeling from finding out Senor Fucktard DID fuck Skank Breath 2 months prior and trying to hide the fact that I knew until I knew what to say. I'm sorry, did "allegedly." Ugh. Moving on.
It does amaze me though how some people really view you differently as soon as they find out you're Jewish. It made me act out a little bit last nightat my best friend's house. She adopted me for Christmas so I joined her fam and their friends for the Xmas Eve festivities. And I found myself dropping way more "Well that's what you get for letting a Jew help decorate the tree" jokes than usual. I guess part of it is occasionally being like my dad and feeling the need to be the funny one in the room sometimes. But part of it was just wanting to make the jokes that everyone was thinking anyway. As a general rule, I almost NEVER feel different for being Jewish, since all of my schools have been fairly mixed, religion-wise, my entire life. But occasionally I find myself in a situation where I realize, hey, I'm the only Jew here. Which is funny, because I have surrounded myself with a lot of friends and dated a lot of guys over the years...and the general rule is Goy. Never dated a Jewish guy. Only a couple of my close friends have ever been Jewish. My best friend has called me an Anti Semite Semite. But she's an Anti Asian Asian so it all works out.
I had no point when I started typing so I'm not going to try and wrap one up now. My friend adopted me for Christmas and I fucking love her for it. Seriously, it really rocks getting adopted for the holiday, and much love to anyone who takes in a lonely Jew such as myself and gives her some cookies.

So. I made a point not to watch any sports today because they are fucking depressing me. But I'll be damned if it doesn't make me happy to see Ronny Turiaf's face under "Top Performers" on the dot-com's recap. As if that weren't enough, I turned on the NYJ/Miami game on the car radio post-theater just in time to hear New Mexico enter the game. So I guess I can't quit sports. Dammit though, I keep WANTING to.
E-mail from the Cavalier:
"El Knee du Nenad is not his el Friend!"
Thanks, pal.
Look, I'm not stupid. Some might say I'm too smart for my own good. Of course, by "some," I mean "I," but that is entirely besides the point. Anyway, Nenad was the ONE player the Nets could not afford to lose. Maybe second behind JKidd, but the fact remains that they don't have anyone to replace what he was doing. The big men off the bench left much to be desired to begin with, not to mention Uncle Cliffy is hurt AND old and who the hell else is supposed to step up and fill the freakin lane??? I mean is it time to push Mile Ilic and see what he's made of? They were trying to trade Collins before and clearly couldn't get much, and now they are desperate and...ugh. Does anybody want Jeff McInnis? I think his contract is expiring... Hello? Hello?? Anyway, I actually watched some of the game against the Bucks the other night and turned it off in disgust. Can I watch any of tomorrow night's game? Only time shall tell, my little friends, only time shall tell.

I went to the Giants game yesterday. And I have NOTHING to say on the matter. Tailgating in the cold for 4 hours is way less worth it when your team doesn't win. In fact, I'm pretty surprised the suicide rate in Cleveland isn't much higher.
I will say this- the only other Gmen game I ever went to was last year's extra home game against the Saints. A year made a big difference in terms of the parking lot fodder. September '05 - absolutely NO Katrina jokes. December '06 - ohhh thousands. You stay classy, NJ.
(So as not to sound high and mighty, when the camera crew visited a neighboring tailgate crew and made them sing some "12 Days of Christmas" nonsense like "10 winning seasons," I was the asshole who threw in my own "9 levees breaking," and immediately felt like a horrible person. I blame the mob mentality of the 30 hunting enthusiast rednecks I had joined. I hope hell is nice.)
The Giants can still make the playoffs. Kill me now.

To tie things up and bid adieu on this Jewy Christmas, here's a nice story I learned of in my local newspaper yesterday.
I never get involved in politics. I try never to talk about them if I can help it, as most people are way more informed than me, and even if I do have an opinion, I assume no one wants to hear it, because I sure as fuck don't want to hear theirs. But I would like to point out NY's 19th District's new Congressman-Elect. Because, although I can't find the article on the internet, the newspaper was nice enough to include this here picture in their article, which I recognized instantly as the "gayest album cover of all time," according to a forward I received from my friend awhile back. And I really really love when things like Congress and gay album covers come together in such nice synergy.

Happy holidays everyone :)

grrr

2006-12-21T18:22:00.000-05:00

Why do I even bother LOOKING at this stuff, it just gives me a headache and stresses me out more than this last final.......

Just when you fully intend to give up on a team, your friend gets an extra ticket for the game and you start picturing ridiculously absurd scenarios where they can still make the playoffs and thinking, "Hey yeah...that could totally happen!" Kill me.

It's really a problem!

2006-12-21T13:58:00.000-05:00

Thanks to super wonderful commenter Dave for the link to a wav file of my FAVORITE CHRISTMAS SONG!
It's only a short clip but it will have to do.

Can't tell one thing from another
I got married to my brooother
Cuz the hat I got for Christmas is too beeeeg

For the record, THIS is my 2nd favorite....
You can hear the whole album HERE!!!

Last full day in the library, give it uuuuuuuuuup suckas.

well

2006-12-21T00:48:00.000-05:00

on the bright side, this box of delicious Oreo O's wasn't gonna eat itself

oy

2006-12-21T00:33:00.000-05:00

how is it possible to have a really close friend for years and not realize she is completely co-dependent, emotionally unstable, and 100% batshit insane?

it genuinely hurts me not to be able to help someone when I know they are hurting and I know that I mean so much to them.

ugh.

I need to be able to drink soon.

Sicker than your mom kickin heron

2006-12-20T22:10:00.000-05:00

Holy hell, Boki just POSTERIZED Drew Gooden. LOVE IT! Glad to see him playing again instead of stewing on the bench. He's the fucking man. He also gave Twin one HELL of an ass slap after a sick and-1 on a flagrant by Gooden on Twin.

I freaking love my team on ESPN.

Not too sure about the shot of the kid in the yarmulke on the sidelines in a Melo jersey...at a Nets/Cavs game. I don't have a problem with it. I just don't understand.

Dirk carries his own tupperware off the bus. I wonder what was in it. It looked pretty clean.

I wonder if it is a bad thing that I finished my final tonight a full hour before it was over...and before everyone else in the class. Um, probably? OK, just checking.

I'm kind of sad I can't find my favorite Christmas song anywhere on the internet to listen to for free. I don't think there's a video but I really wish there were. "The hat I got for Christmas is too big...it's nice, but my sombrero is too big...is it raining, is it snowing, I can't see which way I'm going, cuz the hat I got for Christmas is too biiiiiiiig...." Yeah I freaking love that song. Porque such a sombrero grande, Santee Clauuuus? Yeah I need to get out.
TWO DAYS UNTIL I FREAKING CAN.

Hahahahahahaha..."Collins, with a season high 9 points." Sweeet.

They're so fucking good at blowing leads I am ending this now before I get too angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

roll the dice, every soul's got a price....

2006-12-19T11:30:00.000-05:00

So I'm 2 down, 2 to go. The numbers in the library and at school in general are dwindling in a fast fashion. I'm already feeling genuinely annoyed toward the people who are finished/finishing today, and this sentiment is sure to grow, and I think the word I am looking for is "exponentially?" My brain has been playing tricks on me the last week or so though, so who the fuck knows. Basically I have 2 exams left that at this point I don't give a damn about (yes Beavis, this IS a "god damn") and as the next couple days pass, I'm losing all of my allies in misery. HENCETOFORTH...yeah I just don't see myself studying all that hard. Especially Thursday evening when I KNOW everyone will be out celebrating the end of the semester and I will be lonely and exceedingly bitter at school, wishing hateful things on just about everyone and everything. So a hearty "fuck you" to my school's administration, for only allowing make-ups on Fridays and Saturdays and after the actual exam.

While I'm doling out "fuck you"s, here's one to...myself. For being a moron. As usual, I GUESS. Seeeee...I'm STILL w/out any cash money (not to worry, I got plenty ho's to go around...and what is the plural of "ho" anyway?). My test last night ended at 8 (nice surprise since I thought it was a 3 hour doozy) and I felt a strong urge to do something in favor of improving my physical appearance. Anything really, since normally I clock in at about a solid 6...7 on a good day, and the last few weeks have seen a dismal drop into the 3-4 range. Seriously it's getting pretty ugly up in here. But the non-funding severely limited my options. Of course, the genius that I am, I say to myself, "Self, don't you still have sessions left at the tanning salon?" Why yes, yes I do! Soooooo yeah. Yada yada yada, my butt is all burnt and it hurts to sit and I have to be at the library all day. Good times! Needless to say, I don't think Mensa will be calling anytime soon.

I actually really like my best guy friend's girlfriend. She's sweet, she's friendly, she's good to him, she's pretty smart from what I can gather. And he's been my boy since junior high and I always have his back no matter what, but if he's got issues w/ his lady I always try and give honest advice as both a girl and as his friend. (I mean, I take the same approach w/ all my friends, but no need to digress here.) Today though he is really heated and on a rant and I'm just laughing my ass off because it's hysterical and she's being ridiculous. Apparently she stumbled upon one of those PETA propaganda videos, where they show a dog being skinned. I don't know why or how...and I don't ADVOCATE such things obviously. I like doggies! Who doesn't like doggies??? BUT. Haha. She's all upset about the video and apparently now all upset at HIM for NOT being upset. That is what I define as a classic girl moment. And it's hysterical. He even tried to explain to her how he's seen a video of people killing a monkey and eating its brains, so this just doesn't affect him that much. And I have to take some credit here, because I'm the asshole who found Faces of Death in her basement when she was 14 and had to show it to all her friends. And this one kid we used to hang out with got really upset and cried during the monkey scene...and we just tooled on him so much about it that he stopped being friends with us. OK, I'm sure that's not really why, but he's still not our friend anymore and that's still the only memory of our friendship with him that ever comes up in conversation. Apropos of nothing, watching a chicken run around w/out a head is pretty fucking entertaining. Am I a little disturbed? Probably. I'm taking the usual route and blaming law school. And it might work too, because a friend of mine, from law school, just told me this story: he was at this chicks crib last night who he bangs out on occasion; they are lying around after and talking and it comes up that her sister passed away a few years ago suddenly, due to some complicaton re: The Pill. His mind immediately makes a list: a) no way is she on birth contol if it killed her sister; b) she is her parents only offspring now and she is almost thirty; c) ....I gotta get out of here. I fucking love my friends. I can always count on them to be way more twisted than me.

Fucking Sports Guy actually was right on w/ most of his assessments on the "brawl" in MSG in his chat yesterday. Color me surprised. It WAS bullshit that Melo got the biggest suspension out of everyone. And ridiculous that Isiah went w/out suspension/fine, unless it's f'sho that he's fired w/in the week. How is what he did any different than what John Chaney pulled at Temple a couple years ago? And Chaney suspended himself for the rest of the season and the postseason...and that was in COLLEGE. These are supposed to be professionals. (Insert your own "Knicks < professional" joke here.) It's just kinda wack. And no matter what beef Karl might have w/ Thomas, he can play whoever he wants at the end of a game. Maybe there was some subtext there, but there was over a minute left, his team HAS blown leads late in games, and back to them being professionals? WHY would any team "surrender" w/ ANY time left in a game? You're pro athletes. Play the fucking game out. Even IF it was in immature thing to do and aimed to piss Isiah off...the type of foul that Mardy put on JR was dangerous. You can seriously damage someone's spine pulling them down from behind like that. I'm not a DOCTOR or anything, but it's definitely dangerous and if I were a Nug I would have felt like decking the guy too. Just a classless move by Isiah. And watching his interview postgame the other night he just seems to be completely unaware of his surroundings. Just surreally oblivious to what just happened (namely, the fighting) and talking in circles about how the Knicks were victimized after their "surrender." All w/ this weird little half smirk...I don't know but I think he might be literally insane. The other thing Simmons was right on about was the utter insanity that is Nate Robinson. He even mentioned the story about Nate attacking Malik Rose in the shower last year, only he forgot to mention that it was over an unpaid bet on a video game, if memory serves me (note: it most certainly may not). He is one crazy little man...my mom despises him, calls him a "thug" and everything. And my mother LOVES the NBA and has never used the word "thug" just to describe a black dude w/ an attitude. She literally thinks Nate Robinson is criminally insane, and after the other night, she might be right on. Good eye, ma. While I'm bringing race into this...I mean yeah. Like I alluded to the other day, this type of shit happens on a baseball field and gets way more out of control, and it's not that big a deal. Some of those baseball brawls get CRAZY. You've got catchers punching each other in the face at the plate, and it's not a "black eye on the game." Nah, all this supposed "black eye on the game" crap the media keeps throwing on the NBA after this is actually more a case of "black GUY in the game." Terrible pun, but come on man. Enough. This was nothing like what happened in Auburn Hills, so stop trying to MAKE it like that. Why? Because Becky says so, THAT'S why.
People much smarter than me put say it much more eloquently.

In decidedly NOT good news, RJ has "floating fragments" in his ankle. Argh.

In news that matters not to me for the moment but is very much a concern for some around here, the final approval for Bruce Ratner's Atlantic Yards project seems to be delayed further. No word on what that means for a timetable for the Nets move to BK, but I'm guessing "not any time soon" is a safe bet.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh time to start studying.

Damn the man.

2006-12-17T20:44:00.000-05:00

The fucking man, always trying to keep a good dude down.

Most likely arranged by the Pistons, in fear of Mikki and the mighty Nets.

p.s. WE. FUCKING. GET. IT.

We are in serious danger of flunking most heinously tomorrow....

2006-12-17T18:27:00.000-05:00

even on GameChannel I can tell Eli sucks ass.
even on GameChannel this team is pissing me off and stressing me out. why are they so lame in the red zone? always always always.
yeah I gotta check it out in the student lounge in a few but luckily I am staying in the libe so they cannot drive me to drink. I learned that doesn't work out well for studying when I took an hour break for 1 drink to destress and check out MAYBE a quarter or so of the Carolina game...only it turned into a 5+ hour break and I ended up mildly shitfaced. left all my stuff in the libe, and when I returned and tried to study some more...well it didn't go well, to say the least.
so coffee only and if they lose, well fuck them because I can't be too angry when I have an entire semester's worth of material to learn in less than 24 hours.

my complete lack of funds has led me to finally draw a conclusion I had been stalling on...the crunch Cheez Doodles? are FAR superior than the puffy ones. I always thought I was apathetic, but...well crunchy are just a force to be reckoned with. no vending machine snack food compares. I wonder if Stephen A. agrees....

withholding full thoughts on the "brawl" at MSG until fines/suspensions are given out. however,speaking as someone who spent a good portion of time reviewing tapes of in-game actions that resulted in discipline to players in another of the major sports, including many bench-clearing brawls, as well as the fines/suspensions that followed...well, this just ain't that big a deal. there are other subtextual issues though. another time. for now, study study hate Eli study study study.

Update:
just when I'm out, they pull me back in...and then break my fucking heart like I knew they would do in the first place, in ways that I predict right before they fucking do it.

Update #2:
Cheetos are 100x better than Wise Cheez Doodles.

RUMPHED.

2006-12-14T18:27:00.000-05:00

Because I know EVERYONE was dying to know how the first final went. And of course by "everyone" I mean "that one guy who might stalk me if there's like a whole day where he has nothing to do and there's nothing else to really read."
So yeah, #1 fully sucked ass. Closed book exams should be prohibited in law school. At least in your 3rd year when every other final you've taken has been open book of some sort. Seriously, I had no idea how to study for/take a closed book exam anymore. Even when I took tests like that in college, they weren't the types of things I actually studied for. Sooooooooo...yeah. 1 down, 3 to go. Ugh.

I managed to get through the test w/out any type of girl breakdown. Of course somehow that meant I would end up hysterically crying in front of everyone in CVS a few hours later. Me? A nightmare? Nooooooooo.
OK, fine. Listen to what an a-hole I am. I needed to buy some essentials (soap, shampoo, Drano, etc. and Potion 9 which I consider to be an absolute necessity) so I head over to CVS and pick up these things...only I have this stupid little habit of compulsively buying lip gloss. Not expensive stuff mind you, but ones that are shiny or sound like they will taste good...it's a stupid habit and it's not going anywhere and it's never harmed me in any way so I've never tried to curb it. Sooo I pick up a couple of those...and some other stuff (I have an affinity for eye shadows too...ugh) and get a bit carried away and run up a bit of a tab and go to pay and what not annnnnd...yeah I'm a complete a-hole. I lost my debit card over a week ago and had to cancel it and the new one should have been here by now but it's not...oh and OBVIOUSLY I found it RIGHT AFTER I CANCELLED IT. Because...right, a-hole, me. Then I didn't realize that my CREDIT card expired 2 weeks ago. Soooooooo yeah. Crying. CVS. Good times. Daddy to the rescue though. And on the bright side, now I have no way of being talked into making a cameo at my friend's xmas party tomorrow night...I really wanted to go though. :( But I do need to study, so for the best...boo.

Why are there fireworks outside my window?

So I had to buy Drano because our tub has been a slow drainer for what seems like ages now...and I was the last one to unclog the drain...and...OK, I'm not sure how to put this, but my roommate can't figure out how to use the stuff. I love the girl to death, she's so sweet and a great roommate. But...seriously, she has bought Drano literally 5 times over the past couple months and hasn't figured out the intricacies of the product or something. I see the full bottle on the counter, then empty in the trash the next, and the drain...still clogged! I mean I know the stuff works, I've used it myself! So yeah it baffles me but not enough to continue to stand in ankle-deep water while I shower.

Another note from my foray into CVS...Britney has a lot of nerve charging $30/ounce for her perfume. I mean yes I own a bottle and use it every day because it smells kind of like cupcakes, but...come on. That first bottle was a gift and it shouldn't have to cost so much to maintain a goddamn cupcake scent. And I realize this is a stupid argument that actually has no grounding but I'm venting because I FEEL like it dammit. YEAH.

While I'm venting, a little annoyance-laden shout-out to my friend Spilly. Spilly, I know you're not reading this but maybe you can get this message telepathically. I do not want to hear about your bowel movements in such excruciating detail. I simply do not. Although you regularly share too much information with me about your pooping habits, it has served as mild amusement as a general rule. But babes? During finals, you take this too far. Please stop. I am begging you. Thank you, that is all.

Been keeping an eye on the Nets from the student lounge. They look better...? My mom sent me this link the other day though along w/ a "Do you think the gay rumors are the cause?" note. I love my mom.

Whatever happened to Maxi Priest?

And whatever happened to those Keebler cookies that were like...sugar cookies with deliciously gooey chocolate in the middle? Those things rocked my socks but I am fairly certain they have completely disappeared from everyone's recollection. And I'm not talking like Tater Skins, which you CAN find online and order in bulk (my soph year boyfriend was VERY lucky indeed) but literally NO ONE remembers these cookies and I still have mini food fantasies about them. I'm pretty sure I'm not delusionally insane yet soooooo...man where ARE they???

Barry Melrose all of a sudden looks legit. I mean I don't know very much about hockey to know if he knows what he's talking about or not, but...now he's got the facial hair and actually looks kind of badass and suave and intelligent. Whereas before he was just rocking a cheesy hairdo and making me giggle while I watched SC in the mornings before work.

One final measty thumbs-up to the guy on the corner outside my school today. I could hear his street musician melody up in the classroom during my exam. Rhythm and melody and good things. Being the easygoing and laid back gal I am I was happy to hear it. I also like music while I study, so music while I take a test isn't so bad. But man, I can imagine some kids being MAD. You might want to do something about that, school administration. Oh, what's that? You're entirely incompetent? My bad, of course I knew that. Anyway, the fun thing about Mr. Street Musician that I learned when I walked past him after the test? He was playing a keyboard guitar. Rock the fuck ON.

I got soul but I'm not a soldier.

2006-12-09T10:11:00.000-05:00

So my stay in the library from 9-7 yesterday made me lose my goddamn mind. I was seriously flipping out, but not in a "hey I'm really stressed" way but more of a "wow the things in my brain no longer resemble actual thoughts" way.
No seriously, I had this whole thing going where all words that started w/ "n" would get a "k" in front of them for like a hard "k" sound and it was really a great idea. Except not so much. Then the word "k'nish" occurred to me and I nearly had a breakdown. Not really, but...you get the idea. So a little change in scenery today, giving the "big study room w/ a friend or 2" idea a spin. Because seriously I was about to jump off the big bridge yesterday. Well, hypothetically, as it is far too cold and I am far too lazy to actually walk there.

One thing that helps is listening to music. I have about 1800 songs on my ipod so it's a pretty eclectic mix. Certain songs provide little pick-me-ups along the way. My life is very sad. But if hearing "My Girlfriend's Dead" keeps me off the pipe, then so be it.

As if I weren't fake suicidal enough, I benched JR Smith on my roto team last night. Needless to say, "foresight" is not a gift of mine.

I am in dire need of a manicure and a good night's sleep and a series of drinks. Clearly not in that order.... 13 days left of this nightmare too. Ugh. I've heard of people getting massages/facials during finals to relieve some stress. That seems egregious. To be fair, I have never had a facial. I don't think I ever will either. I think the rule is: if you see porn before you get one, you will never be able to walk into a spa/salon/wherever and say "Yes I'd like a facial please." Well...maybe I could, but I'd giggle my motherfucking head off. There's always the problem of not being a jappy girl though. Oh well.

It should be a criminal offense to play the music they play in Starbucks.
Along those lines, if you have ever bought a cd at Starbucks, kindly stay as far away from me as humanly possible.

Time to start studying...sanity level on steep dropoff alert.

2 OTs and more procrastination...

2006-12-08T00:20:00.000-05:00

2 posts from me in less than 12 hours. How lucky for...YOU!

The recipient of the jerkoff law student of the day award is...well, no names will be used, but YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
When there are 10 people in the student lounge trying to watch the end of a (close) basketball game and you are the 1 dipshit who wants to watch CSI, fucking DEAL. Hey, you know what? There was a show I wanted to watch tonight too. I set my VCR (primitive yes, but effective) and guess what? I got to see it when I got home. Live action sports though? I'm not setting my VCR bc if I want to watch it I need to watch it right then and there. Even in the alternative that this logic is flawed, there are still 10 people wanting one thing and 1 person wanting the other. I'm sorry, but "I was here first" is not a winner. There is 1 TV for everyone in the school. It's a long fucking finals period. Don't be a douche. Have a little courtesy and realize that majority rules. And seriously...if the show is so important to you, record it or have someone record it for you. It's not like you didn't know it was scheduled to be on before you left for the library today. The rest of us? We didn't know the Nets and Suns would be tied at 125 w/ less than a minute left. Prick. And you wanna have a little hissy fit when we don't get back to frickin CSI quickly enough after commercial? Really? Here's a hissy fit for you: go fuck yourself.
Sadly I'm too polite to share these feelings word for word. Much love to my loud-mouthed little friend who was not, in fact, too polite. In fact I think he dropped a c-bomb on the way out of the lounge....
It's a moot point anyway. Hooray hooray, the revered show ended at 10 and we were able to catch both OTs. (1 perk of being at school all the time...YES Network!)
Big Bro thought it was silly of Larry the Frank to foul w/ over 5 seconds left in regulation. But if the MVP can make that 3 w/ no time left, it's irrelevant. And he can. And boy did he. I am constantly reminded of why we call him "Nasty Nash," because DAAAAAAMN.
It of course helped that at that point in the game, JKidd's legs were more or less about as useful as those of Jason Street. (What...too soon?) But anyway. I found it MIGHTY encouraging that they hung in that game all the way to the bitter end and easily could have won if not for our all-star point guard DRIBBLING THE BALL OFF HIS FOOT. Sigh. This early in the season though you just have to laugh at losing a game like that...I mean...really??? That just happened? Argh. RJ looked great though. Mikki Moore even looked like he can contribute for realz here and there. I mean missing 99% of regulation prevents me from giving a full assessment. But I was encouraged by what I saw in the OTs. The team can hang. I've been kind of out of it the past week so I can't really say what the major problems are, but...I have to assume they are fixable bc it's a good roster. If they can deal Collins like the rumors have been implying is a possibility...well. Let's do it. That is all.

Post script:
I missed Senor D-Bag for the first time tonight. And I guess it's not him personally that I miss so much as it is having someone during this time when I cannot have a social life, so I have someone to at least clown around w/ a little in the hours b/w library and sleep. Not to mention dinner breaks (quickie breaks?), someone to get a study room with, someone to get 1 or 2 drinks with after a long day, someone to walk home with (can't really be strolling through BK at 2 a.m. when the libe closes), etc. Granted I don't miss catching him doing shady shit in the midst of all this, but...well look, I'm blogging to vent. I used to not have to do that.

Update:
Brett Edwards over at AOL's NBA Fanhouse breaks it down a little better than I did, even if he does hate on my boys.
By the way, the Fanhouse is some of the most brilliant shit I've ever read, and the bloggers they've got covering the NBA are doing an even better job than the NFL guys were, if that's even possible....

And just for fun:
Zaza Pachulia brings the STYLE.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

2006-12-07T15:18:00.000-05:00

So much for getting a ton of studying done today. Obviously I have to weigh in on the issue of the day (for me anyway).
Via Deadspin comes this link.

I need to preface by saying I have been waiting for something like this to happen for quite some time. Just by the law of percentages, there have to be a significant number of homosexuals in professional sports. That's just the way it is. Just think about how many people from your high school or college came out of the closet over the years...you can't rule anyone out automatically because years later you'll be surprised. Through no fault of anyone's, you make assumptions one way or the other and end up being wrong sometimes. It's just the way it goes. Even a few weeks ago I learned a friend of mine from college was out and was pretty surprised; he banged half the girls I knew up there. I'm rambling of course...but the point is that stereotypes can be complete bullshit. So you cannot assume that since a dude has all the traits of a straight guy that he is, in fact, straight. Who was the guy on the Real World, Nehemiah? Maybe I'm confusing him w/ someone from another season because the show's gone to complete shit the last few seasons and I can't be bothered to pay much attention anymore, but not one stereotypical "gay" trait, right?
As a big fan of Playmakers (I am still mad at you, NFL, for taking that awesome show away from us), I always think of the Guerwitcz story arc whenever this topic comes up now. And while the show was incredibly dramatic and probably showed the worst case scenario, all of the stuff that happened to poor Thad could potentially happen to an athlete who comes out of the closet. There will be backlash from fans, and likely opposing players. Hopefully the locker room culture on that player's team would allow for minimal abuse from teammates, and in this day and age I would sincerely hope no owner or GM could/would go all Wilbanks on him.

Anyway. That all being said? Internet rumors are now flying that Richard Jefferson is gay, or bisexual.
The post gives these hints:

The NBA player, who is African American, has been linked to a number of women in the past - all of whom are Caucasian. He is also known for enjoying the night life with his teammates and good friend Tyson Beckford.

They seem to not-so-subtly be referring to RJ. Everyone is well aware that RJ loves hitting up NYC clubs and having hot model girlfriends (is she even white?) and not-so-hot groupie encounters. And my friend found this (on Nick Carter's message board no less!):

The lovebirds [Carter and Paris Hilton], however, made up and walked back into P. Diddy's after-party, which was attended by Diddy's mom, Janice Combs, boxing heavyweight Lennox Lewis, singer Ashanti, actor LL Cool J, model Lauren Hutton, designer Zac Posen, model Tyson Beckford and the Nets' Richard Jefferson.

And via Deadspin commenter BigSteve comes this:

The locker-room truth, as told by Richard Jefferson of the New Jersey Nets, is that athletes shower and dress in communal spaces and that many would feel uneasy about doing so in front of a gay teammate.

The first openly gay male athlete will have to be a respected superstar, Jefferson said, likening it to Magic Johnson announcing that he had contracted the virus that causes AIDS. If there's an athlete thinking about coming out, Jefferson offered this how-to:

"You would have to approach your teammates and be like, 'Look, this is who I am. I don't like any of you. I'm not trying to pick up on any of you,' " he said. "Would it make people feel uncomfortable? Of course it would."

The obvious thing to point out is that these are unsubstantiated rumors from a potentially unreliable source. I would hate to be aiding the spread of anything false.
So let's speak in hypotheticals.

HYPOTHETICALLY, if RJ were gay, I would be absolutely giddy.
As a disclaimer here, I will admit to being a rather staunch supporter of gay rights, having someone extremely close to me being very much out and very much a champion of the cause. So if anything I say is offensive, I assure that is not my intent and I apologize ahead of time.
As I already said, I have no doubt that there are probably dozens of gay men in the NBA, NFL, and MLB (probably NHL and MLS and all the other sports too, I just don't happen to follow them). And it is going to be EXTREMELY difficult for the first "out" athlete. There have been several players that have come out well after their retirement (no names are coming to me right now, probably because my brain is fried...yeah fuck you, law school). But there is a general consensus that the first openly gay professional athlete is going to endure much worse than even the first guys that crossed the color barrier. Homophobics hate w/ as much passion as racists, and even seem to take homosexuality personally. And it is going to take one HELL of a strong man to cross this line.
I adore RJ and would absolutely love for it to be him. Unsubstantiated rumors be damned- a girl can always dream.
The converse of this of course, is that whoever takes that first step will be absolutely HERALDED by the gay community. Think Jackie Robinson for African Americans, times 1,000. In this day and age, the media is omnipresent and the internet is pervasive. If one provocative photo spread can make Brady Quinn an icon of the gay community...imagine what an actual openly gay athlete would mean? Especially one of RJ's caliber. While it is true that RJ does not have the exposure that someone like LBJ does, he is still a star on a (knock on wood) perennial playoff team. From what I have seen, the homosexual community follows its heroes persistently and loyally. This means that whoever the first gay pro athlete is will have 2 crosses to bear: standing up for himself vs. all the haters, plus representing the gay community as its likely poster boy in the ongoing civil rights movement. That is a lot of pressure to put on a guy, especially considering all the pressures pro athletes deal with on a daily basis anyway.
In any event, I have been saying for awhile (here's another shout out of my Queer TV class in college) that this will happen sooner rather than later. And I think it will be a GOOD thing. It's the freaking 21st century, ya know? I know as a nation collectively we are not above hate crimes, and that is sad and completely ludicrous. But if everyone is too afraid to take a big step, it's not going to get any better. At the risk of sounding preachy, as far as African Americans have come, there is still a perverse amount of racism coming from ALL areas of the country. There is never a "good" time for a group to take risks for their civil rights. So why not now?

As an aside...why is it that when girls are "bisexual" they're considered "curious," but ultimately straight...but when it's a bi dude, he's "totally gay...just fighting it" ? Or even that a bi chick is genuinely interested in both sexes, but a guy cannot be. I'm not a feminist by any means, BELIEVE me. But this just seems ridiculous. I know you can chalk it all up to society and blah blah blah but guess what? It's stupid. If I know a guy who's bisexual, then dammit, he's bisexual. Stop telling me he's just a half-closeted homo. That's ignorant.
(And I have my theories as to why "society" is more comfortable w/ lesbians than gay men- it has to do w/ the general unease most people have w/ the way gay men have sex vs. the way gay women do. I'm not trying to open up any discussion on the matter though...just thought I'd throw it out there.)

Anyhow. This post is probably making me sound like a left wing tree hugger, but I would like to assure everyone that is certainly not the case...I can be pretty conservative on some issues. Just not this one.

Let's make the leap, RJ...

...hypothetically speaking.

Silver lining

2006-12-06T18:03:00.000-05:00

So I have been a complete misery to be around these last few days. Which means I have more or less been hiding out. Which means I have absolutely nothing positive to share. Friday I went straight from my last day of work for awhile (which ended up being really busy right about when I was going to leave) to the library, where I stayed until after 11 attempting to get a good start on my paper. All that culminated in was a few slides for my presentation. Saturday I was at the library from 12-10 and all I had to show for that was a pretty Power Point presentation and about 3 pages of the paper. I went home and proceeded to stay in and sort of work on the paper until I had 6 pages at around 3 a.m., at which time I received a drunk "I'm on my way back now, order some cheese fries now" dial from my lovely neighbor downstairs who considers me his bitch, justifiably I may add, considering I did, in fact, call up the diner and place the order. Sunday I could not bear to go to the library and attempted to write the remaining 14 pages from my couch. I could care less about the Jets and my spot in the playoffs in my FFL was locked up a week ago so I put the games on mute and attempted to do the same w/ the GMen...and then those a-holes had to make a game of it, forcing me to turn the sound on and pay attention to the 2nd half and then break my damn heart again. So even if Mr. Weinke happens to be the opposing QB this Sunday, I am sticking to my vow of remaining in the library and checking in on the Boys in Blue periodically in the student lounge. They don't deserve anything else. Kiwi made a completely unnecessary boneheaded move for the second straight week and I think Coughlin probably made him cry sometime in the last few days. If anyone on that team is even listening to Coughlin at all, that is, as opposed to engaging in their own little "Did I leave the iron on?" thought bubbles while he rants and raves like a parent in a Peanuts cartoon. Of course with Shockey it's probably more along the lines of "Why hasn't anyone asked me to the dance yet?" seeing as how his sideline histrionics have taken on the appearance of that of a teenage girl. All drama, no filler. I don't have anything to say on the contrived Strahan drama of last week...it's old news and his career is as good as done anyway. Stupid fucking Giants. Even Jeff Garcia pulls off a win on Monday night and if Jeff Garcia leads a team to a better record than this team, then...then it will be a sad sad day, and I will come up with an appropriate anti-celebration then. To make things just a bit better, I came down with the cold to end all colds on Sunday and really have not stopped sneezing/snotting all over myself since. Between working until 2 a.m. Sunday night and spending all day Monday in the library, I finally finished up with exactly 20 pages and a fine looking presentation. And at 10 p.m. Monday night I finally put an end to the misery that was the worst class I have ever taken ever. I have spent the last 2 days alternating between my bed and class and really nothing has gotten any better. In all honesty I have to spend the next 15 days straight in the library studying for 4 finals and it really makes me unhappy.
But today, my outlook has changed. I love my school. Why is that? One simple reason:
Free Chipotle Day.
Fuck yeah, things are looking up.

Scoop Jackson is a hack AND an ass hat.

2006-12-01T12:40:00.000-05:00

I'm just going to go right ahead and link:
http://www.yaysports.com/nba/2006/12/scoop_jackson_is_creative.html

I touched on this briefly yesterday when I called Scoop Jackson a "hack" and a "bojangler," both of which are things he is commonly referred to as by many many others.
Basically, he has completely ripped off my dear friend The Cavalier and made a sad half-assed attempt to make it right by throwing out some bullshit "credit."
Scoop? Yeah, um...in the legal industry, we refer to this as "copyright infringement."
You want to be a no-talent ass clown, you go right ahead. Don't steal ideas (copyrighted ideas!) from someone who is actually talented, FUCK IT UP by completely ruining the joke w/ your complete lack of humor, and then try and pass the idea off as your own. That was cute too, throwing in the little edit this morning to try to cover your ass.
Scoops, I stopped reading your columns regularly after about 5, because they were awful. The ones I still happen to read are ones pointed out to me for their sheer awfulness. I did not like your columns before, but still thought maybe you were a cool guy who was just too caught up in his "style." Now, however, I know you are an ass. I just allied myself w/ Whitlock.
Stop reading the Yay. We don't want you around there.

Quitters never win (but sometimes lazy people do). And Scoop Jackson is a hack.

2006-11-30T23:49:00.000-05:00

I walked past the bar before and almost walked in to watch the Bengals/Ravens game. But I persevered. I went and got my food and came home and baked brownies. Yes I am a sports fan, but I am a wiz in the kitchen as well.
I will confess, I monitored Pistons/Heat while I was baking, and I am watching a bit of Lakers/Jazz. If it makes anyone feel better though, I really have no idea what a 1-2-2 zone looks like.

Does Luke Walton have a new tat? I am DIGGING his new 'do. I would totally do him now. (See? Sports fans can be girly too.)

OK so about that...
This all coincided w/ a little discussion over at KSK earlier, so I wanted to expand a bit on where I'm coming from here.

I'll be honest, I never had any intention of really quitting watching sports. I just LIKE them. I'm pretty disgruntled w/ the GMen though (almost as disgruntled as they are w/ each other apparently...) and the Nets are either the best bad team out there or the worst good team. Until I figure out which I'm going to need to watch them sparingly. In all honesty though, it's really just that I can't be sitting in a bar watching bball when I have a paper/presentation due on Monday and 4 finals starting 1 week later. Even so though, if I'm writing my paper at the last minute on Sunday (which is more than likely) I will still end up in the student lounge every 15 min or so checking up on the Bumbling Big Blue.
I guess the advice though is not to talk about sports so much around a guy you just met and are interested in. Which may or may not have something to it. It really depends on the guy.
I've had my experience w/ the whole range of this situation:
Junior year of college I dated a total non-sports fan. I was constantly accused of emasculating him but he didn't really care. To him, history and politics were the most important thing in the world, and sports were trivial. He played a lot of Madden, but that was the only thing remotely even close. I mean he would be playing Madden on Sunday and I would be like, helloooooo there are ACTUAL GAMES GOING ON. We went to FL together for spring break and while we were getting ready to go out, we had a little remote control war, where he would leave the room and I would turn on the NCAA Tournament (it was the Sweet 16!) and when I would leave the room he would turn on CNN. Granted we were about to invade Iraq, but...Sweet 16!!! Anyway, he didn't care that I knew about sports and he didn't. He really didn't care at all.
The guy I dated senior year of college was a big sports fan. And he did hate that I was into sports too. Once he openly chastised me for saying "K-Mart is so nasty," back when he was. But he knew way more about sports than I did. He just didn't like the idea of a girl being so into it. He would start these little fights during games, about a call or something like that, just to start them. He made me cry over the "Was Jason Collins' foul on Tim Thomas intentional?" issue he got so mean about it. He would constantly quiz me about where players went to college and what college's mascots were. He knew a lot more about sports than I did, and that was fine, and I never tried to show him up. He really hated when I beat him in sports trivia on the MegaTouch though. (As a side note, I'm a fucking CHAMP at the naked lady game, or PhotoHunt for the uneducated.) But when I beat him it was due to luck, and he knew it, but it still killed him. He didn't like dating a girl that liked sports and he was ultra ultra competitive with EVERYTHING so that was kind of just...the way it was.
The conceded Worst Person in the World, who I shall only refer to as Senor Douchebag (he referred to himself in the 3rd person as Senor Sexy Pants and Senor Pimp Juice and was totally serious....my version is way more accurate) was a sports fan. He was really into the NBA and the NFL but not so much baseball. I was much more into baseball than him, and prob wasted a couple Yankee tickets on him...but bless his heart, he was WONDERFUL in regards to the theme of this post. He didn't care one way or the other that I liked sports. Half of our relationship revolved around sending links to sports articles/columns to one another and we just sat around watching football on Sundays, and sometimes I knew more than him about something but it didn't matter at all. To be fair he make sure to be dominant and abusive in every other aspect of my life, but the sports thing...he was perfect with. So here's to you, Senor Douchebag, I am actually saying something nice about you. If/when I ever write about you again, you can't say I haven't been fair.

Annnnyway. I'm not going to stop watching sports to make boys like me. I might curb how much I talk about them at first though. It's too easy to fall into the "friend zone" I guess. When I asked this guy about this whole subject the other day he told me that he likes girls that like sports but if they are insane about it, that's a turn-off, citing a girl he liked that memorized the stats of all the Yankees every year who he stopped liking. He and I have hooked up sporadically and he said it was not an issue w/ me bc everything I had to say he was interested in (I send him links sometimes). But I pointed out that hey, we are just friends w/ benefits. He's not interested in me. Maybe if I hadn't been all "let's talk about the NBA whenever you come over" we wouldn't have the type of thing where we watch the end of a game and then hook up. I'm not really into him romantically anyway, but it's the principle of the thing. So the next time I meet a boy I like I am going to be cautious about saying how nasty Dwight Howard is. (He is a freaking beast though.)

I've never watched/talked about sports to impress a guy. I mostly watch games alone. This has even caused me to drink alone (thanks again, GMen) which I'm pretty sure makes me an alcoholic. It's not like I say to myself, "Hey, if I talk about sports he will think I am SO COOL and REALLY DIG ME." It just so happens that I literally read sports blogs/stories all day long, so it's a big part of my conversational matter. With friends, family, etc. If I had a dime for every time I tried to teach a girl friend about sports so I could have a conversation with them about it...well I'd have a few bucks but it still would have been futile.

I'm not great at being a girl. The subject of engagement rings has come up a few times in the last month or so and I'll be honest. I don't know a THING about cut or clarity or setting. And I only learned TODAY that those are what that stuff is called. Some girl was telling me about the ring she wanted (note: she is single) and asked me what kind of ring I wanted and all I could come up with was, "I'm really in the mood for a doughnut actually...."
But I am not a total tomboy. I like cooking and shopping and The OC and cute underwear.
It's a weird little dichotomy. But it's me and I can't really help it.

I changed my mind on Luke Walton.

In other news, Scoop Jackson is a hack. I mean we always knew he was a moron and a terrible writer (and BOJANGLER!), but now he is a hack as well.
And I will NOT link to a Scoop Jackson "column." If you're not reading the Yay! and actually want to read anything written by Scoop...well just go away. Seriously.

And to put on my girl hat as a post script...I wrote a paper for my Queer TV class (who else misses college???) about the HoYay (that's internet slang for "Homoeroticism, Yay!") on The OC, and I have to say that I thought the insomnia scene in tonight's episode was going to go in a COMPLETELY different direction.

I quit sports.

2006-11-29T20:29:00.000-05:00

So I was going to go to the bar tonight to watch the Nets because I feel they have not won since the last time I did that...but I'm not feeling well. Oh...and I quit watching sports. Between the Nets dropping 6 straight and the professional football team from NY whose name I refuse to mention that wears the color blue...I'm done. I'm off. I'm officially quitting cold turkey. Also, Monday night my newly appointed Dating Guru informed me that hey, guys don't actually LIKE girls that like sports. They want to "teach" girls about sports and feel like it's "their" thing and yada yada.

Let me digress for a moment. Totally coincidentally, last night I watched My Boys on TBS. While I was aware the main character may share certain traits with myself, the sole reason I watched the show was the brilliant Jim Gaffigan. My assessment: the show blows. I didn't so much as crack a smile, let alone a giggle or guffaw. There was not one single funny joke in the show. It was like they said, "Jokes? We don't need jokes! The premise itself will absolutely CARRY this show. A girl who likes sports! It's so zany!!!" Ugh. And then they waste the talent of the brilliant Jim Gaffigan by writing some hackneyed "whipped husband" role for him where the idea of a funny joke was one of the other characters asking him, "Do you miss your balls?" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMG THAT IS SOOOOOOOO FUNNY I'VE NEVER HEARD ANY JOKES LIKE THAT HAHAHAHA HE'S WHIPPED IT'S SO FUNNY SO THEY PRETEND LIKE HIS WIFE HAS HIS BALLS BUT THEY ARE TOTALLY JOKING AND THAT'S THEIR GROUP DYNAMIC HAHAHAHAHAHA SO FUNNY!!!!!!
Anyway. I won't be watching this show again. Unless TBS hires new, funny writers. And utilizes the brilliant Jim Gaffigan in a way that his comedic genius deserves.

Anyhow, back to the point. Or a point. I don't really know.
I realize I have been going about this whole "dating" thing all wrong, in various ways and to differing degrees, ever since I broke up w/ the fantastic guy I dated in college. (If he was so fantastic, why did I break up with him? Long story short, I was not ready to deal w/ all the bullshit that came from his family, so I sabotaged things a little bit. He's a great guy, and I hope things go really well for him.) Over the last 2 years, I have screwed things up w/ a few guys. This has been partially due to the fact that I forget I'm not in college anymore. In undergrad it was totally normal to form healthy and long-lasting relationships out of a couple months of meeting up drunk at the end of the night. Some of these relationships still exist to this day. So w/ the dorm environment I live in and the drinking 5 nights a week and hanging out w/ so many people that act like they are still in college too, it's tough to remember sometimes that we are supposed to be playing by a whole different set of rules than those that applied just a few years ago. Which brings me to the main problem I have. I don't play games. It's not that I'm mature (I am most certainly not). And it's only partially that I have little patience for it. I'm actually a pretty patient person, when it comes to boys in which I am interested. I have very low bullshit tolerance for my friends, but am exceedingly lenient when it comes to the objects of my affections. (Hencetoforth I dated the conceded Worst Person in the World on and off last year. That's a whole separate post.) It's really just that I'm stupid. I don't realize it's a type of "game" boys and girls play where one must posture and feign and all that good stuff. I just go, "Well I like him and I think he likes me so I'll (answer the phone, hang out w/ him the first time he asks, text him to meet up, etc. etc.)." I don't think to myself, "I need to tell him I'm busy the first 2 days he asks if I'm available so that he thinks I am very busy and important." But apparently this is the way you gotta play things. After realizing I probably screwed things up w/ Drunk Boy, the way I did w/ several others in the last couple years, I was just having a little pity party for myself in my IM window w/ my good buddy Spilly. So Spilly takes it upon himself to be my Dating Guru and starts setting out the rules for me. Involving all that "don't make yourself too available and don't hang out w/ him the first time he asks and don't sleep w/ him for 3 dates" stuff. But his big thing he started lecturing me on was, "Don't talk about sports." Apparently guys hate it because it's not cute or sexy at all and they want it to be their thing and they want to be able to teach us about it and blah blah blah blah BLAH. And I was totally writing it off, only then the cross-eyed bitch in that show said the same thing, and I got a little concurrence from another couple guy friends and...well anyway.

I think it's total bullshit, but it's worth a shot I guess. Considering I have given up on the NBA and the NFL simultaneously. Of course it's tough to meet guys when you are trapped in the library for the next month anyway, so it's a moot point.

As I told my sister and my friends the other day, I'm giving up on the bullshit that is pseudo/developing/whatever "relationships." The new P.O.A. - straight ho-in'.

Suzy Homemaker

2006-11-23T13:15:00.000-05:00

I should be showering and helping my mom in the kitchen, but my magic number to make the playoffs in my fantasy league is 1 and I have Roy Williams and Marty Booker going right now. While many weeks I hate my team, so far today they are making me very very thankful.
Keep it up, boys!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Update 1:45 p.m.: Yes I realize I just jinxed myself.

The smell of wine and cheap perfume....

2006-11-23T03:30:00.000-05:00

I've never tried writing a blog post drunk. Better late than never, bitches.

I wish I did not come home and immediately think to myself, "Heyyyy, what can I eat?!"

It goes without saying, but it is really not a preferable thing to run into someone you had completely forgotten existed in the first place and then have to make small talk. "Soooo what are you doing these days?...........Wow that sounds really interesting! That's so great for you!..........Oh well actually I'm _________..........Yeah you know how it is..........Totally.........So-and-so is doing nothing with himself? Wow that's such a shock! He was always such a go-getter!............" And so on and so forth. Yes, it goes without saying, but these conversations are completely unnecessary and annoying.
"I wish it had gone without saying, but you don't seem to shut up, do you???"

A shitty bar in a shitty suburb is a completely unacceptable place to have a bartender pull the "charge 3 top shelf shots on your tab and pretend like you won't know you didn't order them" move on you. This is of course operating under the assumption that said bartender does not remember making out with you in that doorway 4 years ago. Because you sure don't.... Which gives YOU plenty to be OK with about in terms of you blowing off his phonecalls for the next month. Ummmm hypothetically speaking of course.

The whole tab-paying fiasco prevented me from really enjoying the Naked Lady Game extravaganza. Another strike against you, Ireland's.

The booze always hits me right as I get home, thus preventing me from using it as an excuse for saying/doing things I really want to do but should not under normal circumstances. Well, as an effective excuse anyway.

My parents were supposed to tape Dexter for me all these weeks that I have been sans Showtime. I think they got weeks 2 and 5. Um...thanks.

The Nets suck. I was able to get that much from the crappy little TVs at Ireland's. So did my roto team tonight. But that didn't stop Ass Clown (see below) from offering me Ricky Davis for Ben Wallace straight up. Go fuck yourself, Ass Clown. Go fuck yourself a lot.

OK, I don't know if anyone reads this (except for my one adorable stalker...hey you!) but if anyone does, and happens to be aware of what exactly a "super 2" is and what that means in terms of arbitration eligibility...I would really appreciate a tip. "A super 2 is treated the same as a 3+" means something to me...only not really. I get the concept but what the hell do those things mean? Consider this my plea.

Not to be a downer, but...I found out tonight my grandmother has breast cancer. TBD whether or not it's operable. Fingers crossed. Love you Nan.... :(

Who that man in a black sedan....

2006-11-22T18:55:00.000-05:00

Thanks to the random dude I hung out w/ over the weekend who was enough of a drunk that he played his idea of the "best song ever" for me 6 times because he didn't remember playing it any of the first 5 times...it's been in my head for 4 straight days. At this point, I'm willing to admit it: this guy rocks. Then again, it could just be from all the repetition.... Anyway, if I never see you again, Drunk Guy, thanks for that.

But that's not why we are here.

Fun fact: I am a regular at Cody's now. Not sure this is a good thing. But the waitress (who is really very nice) actually made a point to come over to me and say, "Hey, you come in here a lot, don't you?" So that's fun.
I went there to watch the GMen get their asses completely whooped (the score really did not do justice to how completely awful they were) and was planning on staying to watch the rest of the Nets game I made the substitute bartender put on for me...only my friend who I dragged with me kept trying to make me feel better about the sand in Eli's vagina by saying "Hey, look...the Nets are winning! That's good!" And the dirty looks I was giving her were not deterring her and even my not-so-subtle "They're gonna blow that lead, shut UP" comments were not doing the trick...and by the time MNF ended, the lead was down to 2, so I said "I'm not sticking around to watch them blow a big lead and lose" because I was so pissed off at the freaking Giants and it ended up being the right call. I'm not discussing the travesty that is currently NYG football. As for the NJN, really...it's early. No need to bug out yet.... RJ looks OK in limited time. I think he should ease back in. Mikki should play more, at least while Cliffy is out. And it is scary as hell to have the channel turned to the game and see Nenad leaving the game w/ an ouchie (TM: The Cavalier). Anyway, I'm home in RoCo until Sunday, not just with the YES Network but also with LEAGUE PASS BITCHES. So maybe I'll have something to say, in lieu of starting my paper.

Anyhow, in honor of travelling through both Grand Central AND Port Authority today and pretty much realizing I hate everyone that comes within 50 yards of me, I am going to give a shout-out to 2 people that really ESPECIALLY pissed me off in the past week.

To a dude we will only call "Ass Clown":
Actually, I don't even know his real name bc he's just a dude in my roto NBA league and I only know one other person in the league. But he is an ass clown, so that is what he will be called. Now, I have since been calmed down from my fantasy league inspired rage, but I just wanted to have a little closure on the matter. Ass Clown is the guy in the league that has a crappy team but constantly makes trade proposals to everyone that only a completely moron would accept. It's well known in the league apparently. I probably get one or 2 proposals from Ass Clown every day or so. So Ass Clown posts on the message board that he really needs a center and wants to trade VC for him. He simultaneously makes me 2 offers, asking for Okafor and DH and Kobe in a couple combos and offering me the likes of VC, Ricky Davis, and C-Webb. I'm used to this kid's crap trade offers so I just reject them w/out any comment or anything but offer him straight up Big Ben for VC. He writes back to reject and says "Make a FAIR offer" and then offers me another one of his crap combos. Then he immediately goes on the message board and posts "Wallace for Carter HAHAHA CLASSIC OFFER" like a freaking infant. Not even like that's a bad offer when you are admittedly desperate for a center, but who airs out trade proposals on the message board? And then he posts a couple more times to make a "fair" offer, so I end up getting all pissed off and shooting off a slightly bitchy post, and then we are going back and forth, with him telling me VC is so much better than Kobe and Wallace sucks and I should trade Okafor bc he's going to get hurt anyway and Wallace isn't even a top center and yada yada I went off on him bc he's a damn moron. If you love VC so much and think Kobe sucks, why do you want to make that trade so badly? And if I should be "grateful" you would take my "injury-prone" center, why on earth would I want to take WINCE off your hands? For MAMBA no less. Then to be funny he kept offering me shit players for Okafor AND DH and then in a really "funny" move offered me his whole team for Okafor after I told him I would be refusing to deal with him from here on out. Anyway. Just being a moron and drawing my ire is enough to warrant him this shout-out.
Ass Clown: sorry for posting bitchy responses on the message board; I should have just let my guys' stats and the league standings speak for themselves. Nice pickup of Garbajosa though. He's sure to put you over the top.

As an aside here...PMSing and posting on the fantasy league message board is not a good idea. I fully understand at this point why guys don't want girls in the fantasy league. So...I apologize.

To a girl we will just call "C-Rag":
Seriously, after being forced to drink $35 worth of liquor for a 4 hour open bar when you only arrived in time for 1.5 hours, I am not the most patient person in the world. Although, to be fair, I am not the most patient person to begin with. Whatever. Not the point. ANYWAY. I run into my friend at a point very late in the night when I am tired of having elbows/drinks/broken glasses flying everywhere around me and sigh, "I need to get out of here, at this point I just hate everyone here." C-Rag overhears and decides to get all loud w/ me to her friend, all "THIS girl hates everyone at the party, THIS girl hates us, we better go," all sarcastic and bitchy-like. And New Becky (bear with me...I made a resolution a couple months ago to not be SUCH a hater) has been attempting to be more patient and less bitchy, so first I tell her she heard me wrong. She says "No, I heard EXACTLY what you said." So I say, "Well you took it out of context." And C-Rag replies, "No, I heard what you said and I KNOW what you meant." Keep in mind I was not even addressing her skank ass. But I'm still trying to be civil and diffuse the situation because I really was just exhausted by an entire weekend of binge drinking and wanted to go home. Then C-Rag's Generic Friend #1 asks what's wrong, so I say very matter-of-factly, not at all trying to be inflammatory, "Your friend is being a bitch for no reason. I don't know why." So C-Rag gets her panties ALL in a bunch and starts doing the chicken strut/squawk thing going "What??? Did you just call me a bitch?" New Becky has fled at this point so I told her yes, yes I did call her a bitch, because she was ACTING like a fucking bitch. So she gets in my face, I get in her face, and really at this point I was pretty close to just jacking her in the face...in all fairness she was probably right there too. And it's really not important who would have won in a fight (note: I would have) because our mutual friend, on a "We have a tight situation developing over here" tip, came over and literally picked her up and carried her away from me. In retrospect that was probably a good thing. But the issue is this: if you are acting like a bitch and by all accounts trying your hardest to be bitchy and butt into people's business and piss them off...well don't get all up in arms when someone says "Hey, you are a bitch!" Me personally, if I'm being bitchy and someone calls me a bitch, I'm going to say, "You're damn right I'm a bitch, now get the fuck out of my face." I have a rule (coined after dealing with a 2-faced skank from my school who was nice to my face and was a horrible person behind my back...she knows who she is) and it is as follows: If you are going to be a bitch, own it. That's all. Just...own it. Don't be fake nice, don't pretend you're not.
So this is for you, C-Rag, your own very special shout-out:
OWN IT.

Mothafuckin Snakes Yo

2006-11-15T18:34:00.000-05:00

Via NetsDaily, SI has a little feature about Mikki and his reptile fetish.
Mikki inspired Robert Swift to get 8 pythons. One must then wonder if Mikki helped to inspire Swift's sexy new tats. I hope and pray. Anyway, with any luck, along with all the free time during recovery from that pesky torn ACL, Swift can surpass Mikki for the NBA's top Crazy Snake Guy. Dare to dream, Robert. Dare to dream.

I had very strong desires to skip class and go to happy hour near my office and watch the games tonight, but...well no one bit at the HH bait. So I'm in class. And I'm going to Cody's afterward. Alone. Both with and against my better judgment, if that's possible. I say it is.

So Wince has "flu-like symptoms" and might not play and Nenad is getting an MRI on his bruised knee manana. Good times! Even a loss will beat doing my professional responsibility reading.

This RJ situation is playing out exactly as I'd suspected. Over the weekend they're saying 8 weeks. Monday they say he'll play Wednesday. Yesterday they say he'll play this weekend. IT IS A LONG SEASON RJ, RELAX YOURSELF. Pretty please?

Currently getting dirty looks from classmates for giggling over this.

Ladies and gentlemen of the SUPPOSED jury...

2006-11-13T00:39:00.000-05:00

Yeah I'm supposed to write a summation for my Tues trial ad class, and I was supposed to do it this weekend, and um...yeah I haven't done shit.

So I sort of dropped off on this whole blog-writing thing pretty quickly. I'm not surprised. No one else should be either. Well no one else reads this. But still.

Some thoughts on last week, and why I'm really glad a new week has finally started.

Monday was easily a very bad day. Actually, the day was not bad, but the night was just el terrible. In my first class I spilled coffee on my laptop, because I am a genius. Then in between classes I spilled it all over myself, and my jacket, because I am a quick-learning genius. Then in my second class (8 p.m.) I was trying to munch on some dry cereal because I had not eaten all day, and the first thing my prof says is "NO EATING IN CLASS" while he points at me, as he is a total douchefuck. So I get up in a huff to throw it out, because I am a not a brat at all. But I trip over my power chord and knock my laptop onto the floor, because I am incredibly graceful. Blar. So I sit through the most painfully boring and annoying class offered at my law school, and then after, Professor Fucktard decides he needs to lecture me about how he said the first day of class that there was no eating, and apparently me apologizing and telling him that I forgot was not going to stop him. Then of course he wanted to lecture me more about the email I had sent APOLOGIZING for being unprepared in the last class and explaining that I had fallen behind because I am so swamped w/ work from 7 classes and a job 3 days a week. Because he doesn't care, he has to expect me to do all the work for his pointless class, and my other professors should too! Well gee, Professor Fucktard, then maybe you shouldn't assign hundreds of pages in a casebook that we WON'T EVEN NEED TO LEARN FOR A FINAL BECAUSE YOU HAVE ASSIGNED A FUCKING TERM PAPER. And then the fun part? The heart of the lecture revolved around how one of my ass-kissing classmates CALLED HIM ON HIS CELL PHONE to COMPLAIN that I use the internet during class. Said classmate is VERY UPSET. I hope said classmate chokes on a pretzel. No one sits behind me, there are only 9 people in the class and we all sit around a big table and apparently someone across the table doesn't like that they can tell that myself and a couple other kids on my side of the table are on the internet during class. I'll be damned if I won't still be watching the GameCast of the Nets game tomorrow night. You fuck. And IT'S NOT EVEN A CURVED CLASS. So instead of being a tattle tale for the sake of helping your own grade, you were a tattle tale for FUN. I hope you are happy now, ass-kissing, cock-sucking classmate. But just so you know, SNITCHES GET STITCHES. Yup. Just ask Melo. I hate law school.

During the week I finished watching the first season of The Wire on dvd. True I am way behind, but I gradually fell in love w/ the show as I watched it, and I'll be damned if I didn't nearly cry when they killed Wallace. Anyway, I just ordered season 2 today.

Wednesday night I went back to the bar to watch Nets/Jazz. Unfortunately I made the mistake of telling a girl I am friendly w/ at school that she could meet me for a drink. This apparently meant chatting and catching up and really I was not able to pay as close attention to the first half as I would have liked. Also, she is the ex of my good friend and was completely psycho when they broke up and even went so far as to stalk ME. I always got along w/ her, but that was a bit much... She alluded to having acted crazy last year and I kind of just looked at her all "Noooooooooo...." Anyway she left at the start of the 3Q and I stayed on, alone. Then he came and met me afterward. I think he has accepted the fact that she could completely flip out again but really just likes the idea that he could sleep w/ her again, easily. I don't know. Law school is a lot like high school, only suckier. That's my expert analysis after 2.5 years, people. Write that down.
Anyway, the boys looked good, and I have a completely non-sexual crush on Marcus Williams because he freaking rocks my socks. Also, I have a potentially-slightly-sexual crush on Boki. True he is not of the light-eyed variety of men that I am normally drawn to, but he is tall and perhaps very attractive. And also, I might just need to find myself a man, because I am starting to sound pretty pathetic.
I also watched the Nets/Heat game Fri night because I ACTUALLY had it in my apt (thanks for not blacking it out, ESPN). I realized that night that the Nets had joined the NY Giants in the "teams that are trying to kill me" category. I have only those guys to blame if I end up w/ hypertension.
RJ's ankle...ugh. It's killing my Nets AND my freaking roto team. (Side note: I love my roto team. I've never done roto before and I find it to be much more fun than other types of fantasy bball. In fact, the way I have always drafted for other types of fantasy leagues was perfect. I'm just glad I never made the adjustments. Fucking up before is working out well for me so far now.)
I have kind of a fear that RJ will rush his recovery time. Everyone is always talking about how quickly he heals and yada yada yada, but...I dunno. I think he has issues w/ not wanting to take too much of a backseat to Vince and will come back sooner than would be wise. Last year during the playoffs, I knew a guy who was friends w/ RJ's roommate. And basically, RJ was calling him up to bitch about Vince taking too many shots. Greeeeaaaat. Look pal, I love you to death, but chill the F out, and let Vince be Wince (oh he was out in full effect last week) and you'll get your shots. Not saying you're wrong, but...well don't rush back from an injury because you're worried about your role on the team. Please. I beg of you. For some reason I see you pulling this shit anyway. Don't do it. Just heal.
I didn't get to watch the OT win over the Wiz, but I monitored it online. I tried to do work all day but it didn't happen...and then I let the Giants break my heart a bit. I won't say anything further about that. Anyway, I'm digging the twists and turns of this new ball plotline. Helping the Nets tie it up at the end of reg means tonight I am pro-new ball. Check back later, I'm sure that will change. JKidd just MIGHT avg a triple-double this season afterall. And Antoine Wright still has some work to do. But I am loving the current incarnation of this team. Even if they cannot beat Miami still.

I am currently watching It Takes Two. Don't ask me why. It's funny though to think about this movie, and the remake of The Parent Trap and realize how utterly skanky and whorish the little girls from both have become. OK I'll admit it: I like Lohan. Sue me. Classy she ain't, but she owns the shit. Also, she drops c-bombs on other skank celebs.

Took my sister to see Brian Regan last night. Very funny stuff, but not nearly as funny as the stuff on his cd. I think she had fun though, which makes me happy. I'm glad we are able to have a good relationship now, considering what a brat she was when she was little and how impatient I was with her. Then I made her go to a karaoke bar in Korea Town w/ me and one of my law school friends and his friends and man I do love it. I know I'm probably not very good at all, but holding the microphone and PRETENDING I rock hard is just too fun. It's funny though, my sister performs all the time in front of actual audiences and sings all sorts of crazy "I'm A Vegan!" and "Cats in Love" type songs and rocks the shit out of them...only in front of like 8 people in a karaoke room she gets all shy. I love her. She's too adorable. Oh, and FYI? I rocked the shit out of "Livin' on a Prayer." Don't front.

Hopefully this week will have less school/boy drama, and I won't be completely swamped at work...
Odds not in my favor.

BACK BACK BACK BACK BACK BACK BACK

2006-11-03T16:36:00.000-05:00

So someone in my office, I will not say who, or where I work, but someone, asked me today to find the Harold Reynolds complaint that was filed earlier in the week.
A couple things to mention about this:
1) Truly a different generation I guess, because of the people looking for this, no one had apparently heard of The Smoking Gun. I knew legal research was different now, and all the older guys still love their books, but...weird. It took me all of 2 seconds to find it.
2) This leads to a conversation over who out in Bristol is probably very nervous over Harold's private investigator right about now. He mentions off hand, "You know...at all the events, Berman always has 2 or 3 bimbos with him...." I drop a "You're with me, Leather!" on him and he looks at me all perplexed like. So I have to explain it to him and offer to send him a link to explain. My computer keeps freezing up on the Deadspin search page though, so I just use google...and lo and behold! A Wikipedia page!!!
I love the internet.

Nets Opening Night baby!!!! And beer! Hooray beer!

2006-11-02T20:21:00.000-05:00

Got to the bar and they put the game on for me…I missed the first 6 min or so. Settled in w/ some beer and wings, by myself. Some other solo fans of other teams strolled in after that. Apparently Cody’s is the hot “drink and watch bball alone” bar.

Didn’t really pay attention to much else during the first half except the game, my beer, and my food. Made some observations in the second half though....

To my left was a Knicks fan who has no cable yet. Nice guy, not annoying at all. To my right though… emo looking dude, there to watch the Sixers. Seemed nice enough. Not annoying. Kind of an older dude next to him though, there to watch the Celtics…and really just would not shut up.

Super Celtics Fan has lots of insight. Explained the whole “where whining to the refs thing” came from. Nice try dude, but the next time you want to pass some Bill Simmons knowledge off as your own, at least get it right. I’m pretty sure the column didn’t mention MJ in it. Also…Simmons? Really??? Oh, and he left midway through the 3^rd quarter.

Emo Sixers fan comments to Superfan 99 that TJ Ford has “kind of a bad back.” Um, dude? They FUSED his VERTEBRAE together. I mean…!!!

Here’s a fun fact. After a couple hours I was a little buzzed. And I was wearing my tightest jeans, the only pair that it looks like I literally have to pour myself into. Don’t get me wrong, they look good, but are mildly uncomfortable. Well after a few drinks, I went to pee and I apparently feel I need to try and stretch them out before pulling them back up. Soooo they split right in the right crotchal area. Full vag exposure, and a dynamite day to be wearing my neon green underwear. Good job, Becky. Luckily I am a big fan of the layering look so was able to tie one of my 3 shirts around my waist, thus preventing the flash for all the other patrons. Fantastic times.

It’s weird to see TJ Ford in a Raptors jersey. I guess it’s weird to see any player who has been traded or signed w/ a new team in a different jersey, but this was a little more off than seeing Big Ben in a Bulls jersey. It might just be that it’s weird to see a player I like in a Raptors jersey. I do like Chris Bosh, but he actually looks like a velociraptor, so I’m fine w/ that.

Interesting post on TrueHoop about the T-Wolves earlier. I have to say I am more than a little curious about the story behind Wally Szczerbiak’s departure now.

OK so I’m trying not to be too ecstatic about the Nets so far, but…I mean they look GOOD. A little sloppy and rusty here and there, but damn. DAMN. Vince looks like a man on a mission. RJ looks like he’s ready to just go to work. Marcus Williams looks like the fucking man. Happy happy happy happy happy!

But yeah, sloppy. Some ridiculous discrepancy in the turnover department.

What’s the deal w/ the minutes Mikki Moore is getting? I can only assume he will have less once Uncle Cliffy comes back from his *ahem* suspension. But Mikki could be a great energy guy. I decide he’s fine w/ me after a sick dunk at the end of the 3^rd quarter. Also, he really likes snakes.

Another Mikki Moore fun fact- he’s in on the skinny headband trend. Like what all the jappy girls were wearing a few years ago. I also have noticed Mike Dunleavy and Mike Miller getting in on this trend tonight.

Also, Mike Miller would make a really ugly chick.

My friend texts me to say “Boston Nachos is having a great night.” Great. I’ll be calling him that from now on apparently. Fucker.

Reminds me of my ex boyfriend from senior year of college…whenever Brian Scalabrine was on screen he would yell “TINY PEENIEEEE” bc that is what “Scalabrine” sounded like to him. I have done so out of instinct ever since. Thank God he’s not on the Nets anymore.

Former YES Network Nets pre- and post-game host Fred Hickman pops up for an SC commercial on ESPN and I’ll be damned if he doesn’t look like a cancer patient. What have they done to you, Fred? Maybe Stephen A. is just hogging all the snack food.

How is Sam Mitchell still employed?

OK they just showed a graphic showing how many games have been coached by the following coaches: Lawrence Frank, Doc Rivers, Sam Mitchell, Mo Cheeks, Isiah Thomas. I’m not sure what they were trying to show me. I guess that L-Frank has the longest tenure out of all those guys? He should quit just so he doesn’t have to be shown in that stellar lineup anymore. Great company.

I am enjoying this whole “Anthony Parker is Candace Parker’s brother and people know her better” angle. I called my friend to point it out to him (he was home watching the Knicks) and have a good chuckle over it. His response: “Oh…I thought he was Tony Parker’s brother.” Yeah Anthony Parker!

I wonder what the logic is behind playing JKidd and Marcus Williams together. I guess so Vince can sit down? I just thought the idea was so Kidd could actually get some rest. I guess it’s a learning experience. Fuck it, I don’t care, they both look goooood.

I really need sound to watch these games. It’s just not the same w/out hearing the PA guy go “JASONKIDD FOR THREEEEEEEEE!!!”

I also enjoy the “V!!! C!!! THREEEE!!!” call. I’m a nerd.

Did Eddie Jordan get hair plugs or something? Or is it just like Soul Glo or some shit? Something is off up there.

They have been taking great care of me at Cody’s…fantastic, friendly service. But the music leaves something to be desired. Michael McDonald? Yah Mo Burn this place to the ground.

I really wish I was able to order League Pass.

Boston Nachos for 3!!! Yeah that nickname’s not going away.

Boston Nachos is kind of cute? How did I miss that before? It must just be my not so secret obsession with nachos.

I notice the Knicks are up by 9. I must be drunk.

YES shows some Net fan children at the Meadowlands. They look scrubby. I’ve been to a CVS in NJ. I know they sell brushes and soap. Come on man.

You know…Jason Collins suddenly resembles a duck with cornrows. In fact, I used to own a Jason Kidd CelebriDuck, and this is pretty closely along those lines.

Fuck it man, if he’ll play better he can waddle around the court.

Oh, also? I want to punch the Nissan guy in the testicles. Maybe even kill him.

Of course he’s wearing a Guster shirt. I mean I liked them when I was a freshman in high school too, dude, but…I mean it’s 2006. I get that you are living out of your car now, but did you really not get out of your parents’ basement once in 10 years??

Wait, I’m confused. Is “The Return” an alternate title for “The Grudge 2?” I can’t tell w/ no sound. And it’s official: Sarah Michelle Gellar really isn’t all that cute.

With 6 min left, the Nets have opened up a 12 point lead. I’ve been watching this team long enough to be thinking “ah don’t blow it.”

OK, Vince actually even looks decent on the defensive end. Brian Fellows says, “That’s crazy!” But he will get beat off the dribble every single time. I’ll just accept this.

Maybe I’m ignorant of some sort of charity symbol or something, but…what the hell is that on Sam Mitchell’s lapel? I feel like it should be a flower, but it just looks like a red circle with a smaller black circle in the middle. The hell.

Mo Pete swipes Carter across the face, and…there’s the Whiny Vince Face!!! Gosh I missed it!

I really hate when I have to pee a lot and nobody calls a timeout.

JKidd 2 boards away from a triple-double at this point…he says he can average a triple-double this season. Fucking A. And then he gets it.

So TJ Kidd got a little, um…husky in the off-season. I think he’s past the “cute kid” age at this point. He seems more obnoxious now too. It’s official: you are not cute anymore. Stop dancing and sit down.

ESPN shows a commercial for MNF: Raiders vs. Seahawks! WOO!!!

Hassan Adams and Mile Ilic both come in for some garbage time. That’s the future right there, baby.

OK, Ilic looks completely and totally lost. He needs to be shown where to go for a Raptors free throw. And the face he makes as he waits for said free throws is a dead ringer for “little kid who has lost his parents in the mall and is about to sit down and start crying.” This team fucking rocks.

102-92 your final score! The Nets are 1-0! Yeah!!!

In the post-game they show a highlight from the pre-game festivities where Sly is running around with a big “BRING IT” flag. Sly bugs me. But the whole “BRING IT” ad campaign really gets me going. I’ve been enjoying it immensely over the past year.

I actually stick around to watch the rest of the Cavs/Wiz and Knicks/Grizz games. Feeling drunk and a bit chatty, I sympathize w/ the Knicks fan to my right. I even buy him a drink after the 2^nd OT. Man am I glad I’m a Nets fan. The Knicks are ACTUALLY trying to kill their fans.

Your drunken walk home: BRING IT!

Actually managed to make it home w/out flashing the homeless guys my neon green undies. Successful night, all around.

Labor? I don't even know 'er!

2006-11-01T18:57:00.000-05:00

If I had known tonight was "gloss over labor arbitration in one class" night I surely would skipped class and been drunk by tipoff.
I have already taken a labor law class. I have taken a class specifically about labor arbitration. I have taken a class specifically on collective bargaining. Oh, and in college? My major was industrial and labor relations.
Of course this is entirely my fault for not doing the reading and not even glancing at the syllabus to know what I was in for tonight. I just feel as if I am wasting my time right now. It's OPENING NIGHT PART DEUX!!!
As for liveblogging...yeah. Not happening. I'm far too new at this. I'll keep some tabs on the games though. We'll have to see how NBA-friendly the bar wants to be for me tonight. Hopefully it will be empty as usual.

Well hi.

2006-11-01T10:48:00.000-05:00

In the past year, I have really become embroiled in the sports blogosphere. I know this does not make me "cool" and most likely is pretty lame. I enjoy off color humor and spend all my free time watching tv and sports (and drinking, but that's a whole separate issue). So it was suggested to me that I write my own NBA blog. Any asshole w/ a computer can write a blog, and I spend a good portion of my day reading/discussing the Association anyway, so why not? Anyway, I kind of laughed it off because while I think I'm hysterical, usually only I think so.

Well today I say fuck it. I'm an asshole with a computer too, so why can't I be an asshole with a blog too?
That was rhetorical.

I'm a huge NJ Nets fan. Have been all my life, there was nothing I could do about it. Hate the Knicks, always have, and the Swamp was just a short drive away from my suburban NY home. I got into basketball myself around the age of 8 and took it upon myself to get my dad to like it too, because let's be honest- who else was going to take me to games and buy me replica jerseys? So we were sad for Drazen, underwhelmed by O'Bannon, and optimistic about Yinka. Whoopdy damn doo, we cheered for DC and Kenny Anderson. We voted for Jayson Williams for the All Star Game. We posed for pictures with Super Dunk. My friends, my mom, and my little sisters came to games with us. We bought into the Calipari era. I cried when Sam Cassell was traded (he was always my favorite player). The players all came back fat and injury prone post-lockout. And we STILL kept going to games. I got to see Rodman head butt a ref in person. So there was that. But the competitiveness left much to be desired. But the games were fun and I loved watching all the NBA teams regardless. The rare years they made the playoffs, we went. Even if it meant an inevitable sweep by the Bulls. My Nets were never contenders, but I loved them.

Then a funny thing happened. They got GOOD. No one ever bought into the Starbury era in NJ and in fact my family was pretty turned off by him. I personally was still bitter about losing the Alien PG and knew we would never win with f'ing Stephon. I mean, his name was STEPHON.

(As an aside, I will apologize once, and just this once, for referring to the team as "we." I realize how silly it is. But it just happens. Inadvertently. Deal with it.)

And then JKidd was there. And everything was OK.
Around that time, my dad started working nights at a 2nd job, and my mom was left w/ evenings more or less to herself. She started watching this new look Nets team and fell in love w/ the run 'n' gun. She became obsessed to the point that she was pouring over the standings every day figuring out playoff odds. She became obsessed to the point that one night my dad came home and glanced at the TV, wondering who was winning. "The Sixers," my mom answered. My dad walked out of the room to hang up his coat. A minute later he walked back in. "Wait," he said. "The Nets aren't playing tonight."

"Ohhh by the way. I ordered League Pass."

I love my mom.

My mom would call me excitedly while I was up at school to ask if I had seen a particular game. She would call me from car rides home from games and tell me I should really come home so we could go to the Swamp together. I don't think I ever spoke to my mom the entire first 2 years of college even half as much as we spoke during the '02 playoffs. To this day we are way closer during b-ball season than during any other time of the year. She is no longer just a Nets fan but a full on NBA fan like me.

I'll admit I was a KVH apologist for a long time. While my mom and sister made signs for KMart, I brought signs to playoff games imploring him to take it hard to the basket for chrissakes. Yes I was a loser. But it was FUN. And the team has gotten BETTER since then.

I'm pumped for this season. 2 years ago I warned everyone to look out for Nenad. I still say look out for Nenad. The kid is only getting better. Balder yes, but better too. I have a thing for RJ. One of my favorite pictures is of my sister and me at opening night last year where I am wearing an "I Dream of RJ" shirt. Yes, I look hot in it. But I like what it represents as well. I think he has the potential to be an absolute superstar. Marcus Williams is going to give JKidd the chance to play less than 40 min a game. We no longer have to worry about them blowing leads when he gets to rest. I mean I miss Jacque Vaughn too, but...hey, I don't bring my laptop to games anyway. I'll be honest, I would feel a lot better w/ a starting PF who could, you know, score some points. But I'll throw my love behind Twin until he's gone. And then maybe still a little...you know, for the memories. Is Josh Boone the answer? Probably not. But I am REALLY looking forward to seeing how this season unfolds. I LOVE THIS GAME!!!

So of course it made perfect sense for me to write a Nets blog...right?

Wrong. After years of watching my boys play every chance that I could, fate dealt me a cruel hand: Dish Network. Those fucks have some sort of outstanding feud with the YES Network. Now don't get me started on Steinbrenner...the Yankees are another rant for another day, BELIEVE me. But come ON. I live in a 20+ story building, in downtown Brooklyn, where everyone is pretty much in the 25-35 year old age range, the Nets are MOVING to Brooklyn...and somehow the powers that be force Dish Network upon us? Really??? It was bad enough not to be able to watch the Yankees (again...another day) but my fucking Nets...I mean fuck.

Granted there is no need/demand for a Nets blog. The boys at Nets Daily do a terrific job every day, and I have been a longtime fan of Joe Nets Fan. But they are my boys, and I used to really enjoy watching them most evenings. I already suffered one season w/ no Nets, and it was not fun. Those blogs, plus the SC highlights got me through, not to mention the too few My 9 broadcasts. And I went to my fair share of games. But it was no piece of cake missing so many games. And I LOVE cake.

Not this year. I am vowing, VOWING to watch more games. Even if it means sitting alone in the bar with my books, this season will not pass me by. I believe it is a pivotal year for the Jersey Boys. So with the exception of finals (3rd year of law school is easy my ass) I'll be making my way to various establishments of ill repute to see how this season unfolds. I'll be heading to a bar right after my Commercial Arbitration class, providing I don't hang myself during it. And maybe in honor of Marcus's debut coinciding with my own in the blogosphere, I'll whip the laptop out and do a little liveblogging. It's not like I'll have anyone to talk to sitting alone at a bar in Brooklyn on a Wednesday anyway.

But anyway...hi. Welcome to my world.